Confusedandanxious

[Confusedandanxious]

Changing things really resonates with me too he got upset when i packed 1 box of his things even though everything else remained the same. I have slowley taken pictures down and redecorated the hallway but it is a long process. My bedroom is what i really want to change but i know that will cause the most stress as he will take it that i am obviously having a new man in there. Like you said before i am over a decade used to reacting to the behaviours that i know and bow down to so am no way ready to get involved with anyone else. I know i need to get some boxes and pack away all of his stuff but i am so acustomed to not doing things incase he reacts.

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you so much for all of the information Fizzy. I will definately look into these suggestions although i think it will be more one sided as he doesnt ever admit that anything he does is wrong and will just avoid the person/situation that is saying it.

[Confusedandanxious]

Thanks again KIP, i changed the locks on Sunday after a rumour i had heard. He is also off of the tenancy now too.

The thing that stops me the most from going back is my son. I cant put him through it which was again one of my deciding factors, i dont want him tto think that this is how relationships work. The meeting with the school ELSA was really helpful this morning too.

Yes i very much think that he will be going to this new girl with lies, hes very concerned that people are going to hate her… absolutely no idea why!

[Confusedandanxious]

I did actually come off of all social media when we split for my own mental health, however i have ggone back on Instagram and now blocked him. He has made a new fb page and said he will just keep his old one deactivated incase we get back together so basically a single and a family man one!

After another bad morning of upset i am feeling a llittle better – thanks ladies

[Confusedandanxious]

Thanks so much ladies he has kicked off  (detail removed by moderator) as he found out that I figured out who the new women is and seen her (detail removed by moderator). Iv blocked them both now. Im just so full of so many different emotions right now my head is a scramble. I do feel like I have made the whole thing up and I’m just being over dramatic too

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you so much, i have messaged his school ELSA this morning as I know he is comfortable telling her things as I have told him to always let it all out to her even if he doenst tell me whats been said

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you for your reply.

I am going to block him from social media as I dont want to see, esp as he lies about it and says the money wasn’t spend on her and he went out with his mates, which I know is not true.

He has since messaged to tell me that he has told our son who is hurt and desperately wants us back together and not to get new partners that he is seeing someone new. Im just an anxious mess wanting my baby back as I know he won’t act upset in front of his dad

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you.

I have tried to do no contact with him but he just cant do it! I have got our son a phone so i can contact him direct but he always will ask me things in the background ie what have i been doing or will get our son to ask me.

He still has belongings in the flat that we shared S he doesnt have the space at his parent so thats a another excuse he finds to come and snoop around along with borrowing money from me as i am so acustomed to doing anything in my power to not cause him to be angry and have a strop

[Confusedandanxious]

Yes my now ex partner has frequently done this. Even back (detail removed by moderator) I talked him down from a railway track as I wasn’t ready to have a baby at that time. More recently before we split there have been several other threats/attempts such as an overdose after (detail removed by moderator) and sending me a link to (detail removed by moderator) before turning his phone off. Since we have split there has been a couple of incidents which have also involved our son which tbh has confirmed my decision to leave. I dont want to say they won’t go through with it as it is the ultimate control tactic as you would never forgive yourself. I know I haven’t really given any advice but I know ho horrific it is when they do these things

[Confusedandanxious]

I am really trying with the no contact but he makes it tough as he will ask (detail removed by moderator) to pass the phone t to me

 

[Confusedandanxious]

I cant believe not washing up properly is a thing, i thought it was just my partner! It drives me mad that its nit picked all the time

[Confusedandanxious]

I also feel exactly the same, im currently lying down as the tension he causes me is giving me a headache. His Mum is also very similar in her ways and i often think i dont want my son to end up thinking this is how it should be.

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you for your reply, i just needed some clarity that how it made me feel was ok i guess

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you so much ladies, i really needed to air my thoughts to someone espcially with being on furlough i dont see people as much as i usually would so very much am in my head a lot of the time at the moment xx

[Confusedandanxious]

Since writing this I have realised I missed some bits out my partner also has suicidal threats, after his last gambling loss (detail removed by moderator). Also when we had our last crisis talk where be said thi gs like I show no affection and all.my affection now goes on my son. He drove off somewhere (removed by moderator)) I heard nothing from mhim he just sent me the (removed by moderator). He says his worse fear in life is losing me and our son. Sorry to go on and on if I see a friend when I get home he asks if I have talked about him/us so now I just say no I didn’t.

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you for your reply,

Yes it is certainly not making things easy the (detail removed by moderator) times i have told him has been in the last (detail removed by moderator) yet im still questioned to has some miracle happened and in his words won me back!

I do get comfort in the fact I have now opened up to people as to why I have got to breaking point.

Sending you strength xxx

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you, he is very selfish and it is coming more and more apparent.

Your comment did make me laugh, you keep going too, iv got one run left! Xx

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you for your reply that has really made things make a little more sense. I am on egg shells as I can’t bare the strops I wouldn’t say I was scared if him or even feel unsafe i just can’t cot bare the way it makes me feel the tension etc which is why throughout the relationship I will so anything to avoid the strops

[Confusedandanxious]

Thank you for your reply.

So we joined the gym together as he was told by the Dr that he needed to as he was (removed by moderator). I got the bug for it and he went only a handful of times. In regards to knowing the people it doesn’t matter whether he knows them or I show him the messages there is always something going on or they will always want to sleep with me in his mind. What you say is exactly right he does think as I go to the gym I will want to leave him for a gym person.

He won’t stop the gaming it has been an issue for years, he says if i am doing it too much tell me but he will maybe not go on for a couple of nights but I feel like it is being forced what doesn’t help is that he plays with his (removed by moderator) so again its kind of what he knows

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