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Oh I’m sorry to hear this! It is utterly exhausting. Thing is despite needing to stay together for I’m sure very valid reasons, the emotional turmoil is so damaging to our mental and physical health. Can you get away for a few days just to have a breather? Friends? Family?

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Thank you eyes wide open
Thanks for sharing your story. Thing is I already had kids when we met and I told him I didn’t want more.
But we had two and I’m old. I love them to bits obviously but if I hadn’t have had them I’d be able to live my life.
But now I’m left on my own with two very young children in my (detail removed by Moderator) for the next (detail removed by Moderator) years at least. I can’t see my life changing in the foreseeable. I’m so resentful of him! I can’t see a light

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Thank you pigeonperson, I’ve only just seen your comment. I’m stronger than my initial comment but just really really tired. I’m standing firm. He still hasn’t seen the kids.
I’m seeking support.
I suppose loneliness and tiredness are my main things atm.
Hope you’re ok and thanks again.

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Thank you pigeonperson, I’ve only just seen your comment. I’m stronger than my initial comment but just really really tired. I’m standing firm. He still hasn’t seen the kids.
I’m seeking support.
I suppose loneliness and tiredness are my main things atm.
Hope you’re ok and thanks again.

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Thank you Bananaboat,
I read your comment this am and it did help.
Historically . No he wouldn’t help. He’d tell me I’m making him feel bad for going to work to provide for our family. This was while I was heavily pregnant and life threateningly unwell. That’s just one example. Lack of remembering or coming to my hospital appointments with me leaving me to have invasive procedures on my own.
Since we tried to reconcile he has been better and come with me. And I know if I asked now, while we’re split he would come . After all- he’s waiting for an in isn’t he? He’s still refusing to have contact with the kids as won’t do supervised. He’s out doing whatever he wants while it feels like I’m drowning. I have to use my support network for when I’m in hospital so I don’t like to keep asking for help.
You’re right in that work is the least of my priorities. I could go off sick.will have to see how the week pans out.
Thank you again, I will look into the survivor stage.
Hope you’re ok? Xx

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You sound like you’re describing my husband. It’s abuse. I’m so sorry. Xx

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Does it sound like I’m wavering? That he’s getting to me?

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This sounds awful. I’m so sorry.
You can get an occupation order if it’s in your name. Look on the gov.uk website. And there’s an agency who will fill the forms out for you too. Called Courtnav. It’s free.
Hopefully you’ll be able to explain to the benefit department to enable your payments to be reinstated xx

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Thank you both. You talk a lot of sense.
Tbh I did message one of his parents last year and I didn’t even get a reply. I’d be mortified if it were my son and would want to get him help! And make sure he’s partner and kids were ok.

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Thanks bananaboat.
You’ve responded to some of my posts in the past.
Your comment resonates with me on a lot of levels.
He says things similar to what you’ve mentioned regarding family time, and almost tries to put the blame on me for “pulling our family apart ” whereas he’s “fighting to keep it together”.
He hasn’t been abusive as such, but I’ve seen early warning signs such as mood, nasty looks, and he did snap in aggression in our last counselling session.
This time I have to listen to those early warning signs.
So, cold turkey it is then.
I suppose I will feel grief/ sadness/ anger and a pull as anyone would at the end of a relationship. Truth be told, I don’t think I love him how I used to. There’s something there for sure. But I used to adore him. That’s not there any more xx

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RUN! run for the hills! 🥹

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I swear we’re all seeing the same guy!
Hope your kids are ok!
Mine are really missing him xx

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Do they know they’re doing it do you think? As in, they consciously do it? Or are they so warped they’re unconscious to it? I mean, who actually would CHOOSE to do this?! It’s horrendous!

Are you sure we’re not with the same guy? 🤣 mine does the exact same thing, sometimes literally minutes after! I suppose that’s part of messing with our minds.

I’m sorry you’re hurt. I remember it so well. Couldn’t get through a week without it and long gone were the days I’d look forward to the weekends, I’d start to dread them! But this was before he “changed” after our split . This time weekends were actually nice.

It is harder once out for sure. I was so much more determined leading up to the split and whilst still living together xx

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Thank you @tryingtosleep
Time and space is a good idea. He’s supposedly distraught and crying every time he thinks of the kids, get one of them tried to ring him and he didn’t respond for hours as out all day with his mate. If you’re that distraught wouldn’t you take any thing you could for your kids? And that includes supervised contact. He refuses to do this yet doesn’t come up with a plan ? I’ll be damned if I’m going to do it for him.
Hope you’re ok?
Xx

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Thank you Chocolatebunnie,
Thing is when we split the last time he spent months accepting responsibility, talking about the abuse etc. Then moved back in and after a few months when I brought it up again, was dismissive, wouldn’t talk. His behaviour during this split were red flags too- going from one tactic to another and none of them were working. Now we’re split, he can talk calmly again and is open to explore conversations.
Thank you for your honestly. My mind is a complete mess!
How are you doing? Xx

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