Emmlogan

[Emmlogan]

And if it helps to know…I walked away (detail removed by moderator) ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The pain was unbelievable but IT PASSED!!!!! I am now so happy. I feel like I was a crumpled up stained rag when I left him and now I am all shiny and new and so unbelievably happy and incredible proud of myself. Don’t believe it for one second whan they say awful things about you not being able to leave. We are stronger that we think and we can survive more than we think we can survive. And honestly, life without them is amazing 💋

[Emmlogan]

AS Poodlepower so importantly states, they chose to do this to us just in the same way they choose not to do it to other people. This realisation (and it didn’t come until months after I left) was the thing that cemented my decision to walk away. My ex could, and did, function exceptionally well with most people but with me he was an absolute lunatic who would switch from being the most loveable and loving man a girl could ever hope for to a screaming, abusive monster within a few seconds. It was like someone flicked a switch. And then, after a tirade of abuse, would switch back and beg me to have a nice day with him. I genuinely thought he was so bad tempered that he couldn’t help himself and if he just got help with his temper I could have the beautiful loving man all the time. After reading and reading and reading and after attending The Freedom Programme and then reading some more, I came to the realisation that he is not out of control. He is choosing when to give me the different ‘sides’ of himself and that choice is made based on the impact that he needs to best feed off me at that moment in time. He doesnt flip like that on anyone else so why can someone so out of control, control themselves with everyone else. Because I was his fix.

Honestly, read as much as you can about your situation and if you can, go to womens aid. They’re amazing.

Good luck 💋

[Emmlogan]

Miss Butterfly…you should absolutely do that. I spent years secretly sending myself emails about what he had done. Later, when I learned that the best reaction to him vile words was to shut down and not react at all, I would sometimes sit and write what he was doing while he was doing it. These record kept me sane both at the time I was his victim and since I found my freedom because if I ever need a reminder of why I left I read what he did to me. Be really really careful though. Don’t ever, ever tell him what you’re doing and don’t ever let him find your words. Good luck with it. Let us know how you are. One final thing….If you need to judge of his behaviour is acceptable, ask yourself….If you heard someone behaving like that to your sister or your daughter or your best mate, would you think it was acceptable then x

[Emmlogan]

I also agree with Tiffany. If the news is bad, how long will you have to stay afterwards before you feel he will be ready for you to leave. What if he spirals into some kind of depression because of the news? Are you going to stay with this man for another year while he gets back on his feet? Sorry if I that sounds harsh but it could be the reality of what is coming your way. Get out as soon as you can. Any man who deserves the compassion you want to afford him wouldn’t be someone who would treat you in a cruel and nasty way. You deserve more. Get out as soon as you can 💖

[Emmlogan]

Hi Pinklady

Please hold and be strong. It does pass, I promise. I know it feels right now like it never will but only a few months ago I finally jumped and although it was one of the most painful experiences of my life at the time, mostly now I am really good. I have days when I stop in my tracks and note just how happy I feel at that very moment. I’m not going to pretend it’s all wonderful all the time. It’s not. I do still have days when I miss and I miss my old life (I left my home and the area when I left him) but at those times I reach out to the friends who know what I went through and they remind me why I am in a much better place without him.

One massively important step I took in the early days was to phone my local Women’s Aid and to start the Freedom Programme. I have been every week without fail and it has honestly helped so much.

Try and get out and walk. I walked miles and miles and miles in the early days. And talk to anyone who will listen and when you’ve exhausted them, talk to someone else. I even phoned Samaritans one morning because there was no one else to talk to.

You are doing amazing. You have got out. Get some help with the rest and I promise, one day it will feel better 💖

[Emmlogan]

SunshineRainflower, I love that idea. I am totally going to do it. I have found it really cathartic telling people everything he used to do nut I think writing it down would work even better. Thank you

[Emmlogan]

So you have a choice. Keep the lid of the coffin (interesting choice of words by the way) a little bit open and let the abuse and control and all the other stuff that means you are posting on a W.A forum keep leaking out and filling your new found freedom with horribleness and anxiety OR show him you are the kind of woman he never thought you could be. Change those passwords, do it today, do it now. Get a huge (metaphorical) hammer and nail that coffin lid on so tightly, it will never come off again, and then walk away, chin up, chest out, smile on your face. If you were strong enough to leave, you are strong enough to do this last bit of tidying up. Oh and ask yourself, why hasn’t he changed his passwords? Mmmmmmmmm, could it maybe because he knows the control he is still afforded if he doesn’t. Go in girl, make everyone even more proud. Get them all changed and then come back on here and tell us all about how amazing you feel so we can raise a collective glass to your courage 💟

[Emmlogan]

It’s so weird how they all pull the same bullsh** isn’t it? I love how we are all here sharing it, helping each other see through their games.

Everybody, hands up if your ex is on step three of the ‘Get Back Your Victim in Ten Easy Steps’ book: Threatening to Kill Yourself. Mine must have skipped a few pages because I got this one right at the start. Guess what, he didn’t.

Stay strong ladies and let’s keep looking after us 💟

[Emmlogan]

Lover of no contact, thanks! I honestly find it a really helpful way to think of him. I am on second week of 100% no contact, a decision I made after realising that that is what they do once you reply back to their emails or texts. It’s like they dry up and get shrivelled without being able to feed from us so they Have to get in touch by any means possible so they can feed from us again.

[Emmlogan]

Hi Esiotrot

I like to think of my ex as a giant slimy leach who sucked the goodness and the confidence out of me for as long as he was attached to me. This helps so much with the no contact thing as I know that as soon as I let him reattached his disgusting leachy self, on he will go, sucking out my new found confidence and happiness.

It seems like this is my be what you ex is doing to you, and the more goodness he sucks from you during his daily bouts of attaching himself, the bigger he is getting, but he’s full of what he has sucked from you. I know you can’t go completely no contact with this guy but the less time you allow him to leach your goodness, the more time you will have to grow bigger and stronger yourself…. And as a bonus, it will drive him mad that you are finally on to what his is doing.

I hope this helps. Stay strong. Stay away from the leach 💟

[Emmlogan]

Your post was so weirdly timed for me. I can’t sleep because in a few hours I pick up the keys to my new house, the first since I left. I woke up with the suffocating thought that I was making a mistake, that it wasn’t that bad, that I’d exaggerate things it in my head, that maybe I was just too sensitive, that I messed up in walking away from him.

I was about to write a similar post to yours but reading your words, seeing my exact thoughts narrated so perfectly by a complete stranger, is proof enough that we are merely a product of of very well executed process of belief altering abuse.

I can’t imagine how devastating the news of the baby must be (my ex is still on the ‘I’m sorry, I love you, come back’ phase) but one day, when youve manged to jet wash your mind clean again, you will see what a lucky escape you had not having a baby with a man who treated you so badly, you’re on a Women’s Aid forum. If it helps, and it has helped me, think about your best friend telling you she wants to have a man who treated her like that.

Whendoesitend, thank you so much for being total stranger who helped screw my head back on at 5an on a Tuesday morning. Be strong 💪 😍

[Emmlogan]

Enjoy Dragonfly, enjoy. And just think, how lush must your son also feel right now? You should be so proud of yourself for getting you both to this point.

[Emmlogan]

Hi

I am in the really early stages of my freedom so your posts are lovely to read. Well done. You should be so very, very proud of yourselves. Thanks you so much for sharing. You inspire us little fledgling freedom fighters to keep walking forward

[Emmlogan]

Thank you Kip 😊 It really is the tiny little things isn’t it?
I took myself out to lunch after I emerged from my bath. I cried with happiness and pride at my achievement at sitting there in the sunshine by myself. And you know what, I am not a c**t. I am actually a really lovely person to spend the day with 😍

[Emmlogan]

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