Eyesopening

[Eyesopening]

Hey, I haven’t been on here for ages. Things are so so soooo much better. Honestly, leaving absolutely sucks big time! No one tells you how bad it will be, but it’s something you need to go through to come out the other side and to feel you again. I am feeling happy and genuinely I am doing really well. I have stayed away from dating and just done ME. And wow. Such a huge a difference between my life today vs last year (6months after I had left and was rock bottom)
Life is supposed to be good, calm, happy, there will be hard times, but wow, the life they take from you is much more then we realize.
Keep reaching for your happiness ladies. You are worth it and can do anything!
Xx

[Eyesopening]

I think many, maybe all of the women on here will understand what your talking about. Had the same confusion, same doubts.
What a shame your professional support was not what you wanted. It’s hard to judge some situations and I think they may not have been fully aware, abuse is specialist subject, the intricacies of sexual abuse is very complex and confusing. Also when we did the freedom program, we all had similar stories. But the women running it didn’t say anything. I think in some ways, would it be helpful for her to say. Thats rape.
Or is it more helpful to say, I’m here for you.. I don’t know. Its hard to label things. But we can all
Agree it’s wrong and we don’t deserve it xx

[Eyesopening]

Beautiful, that really touched me hun.
Your so right ❤️
Xxx

[Eyesopening]

Sounds exactly like my Dad. It’s terrible abuse and even if the kids are older, they will be as effected as you. Its a bit more bearable when the abuse isn’t directed straight at you. But don’t underestimate the effects it has on them, not just in that moment, but for the test of their lives..
Keep reaching out for support xx

[Eyesopening]

Totally have felt exactly as you.
It took over a year to be 100% sure my ex was abusive and I 100% did the right thing by totally blocking him out my life. I literally have had therythrough the whole time since i left, different kinda though with different types of therapy. Each time i learn something new. And the Freedom program is what really set me free in the end. The beat thing i ever did for my healing.
My ex is in another country and I cannot imagine the fear of even remote possibility of bumping into him. I sometimes imagine him coming to my house and i plan the best hiding spot where no one can find me. Its our natural instinct to run a mile from a predator. So don’t feel bad about that.
Being kind to ourselves is just that, we accept our thoughts, actions, feelings and our gentle with ourselves. We don’t rush or feel bad about not being totally healed yet. As we are the people who feel deep and so its us who need to heal. Not the ones who do not feel, they can never be truly happy.
Xxx

[Eyesopening]

all the time, in one year this, in one year that x

[Eyesopening]

Such typical abusive behavior. Making you feel shit, actually giving you deep scars.
My ex, used to either tell me there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want sex, OR make out i was a slut for enjoying sex. You can never win. Their goal is to make you feel crap, so they look like the God and almighty, that is all right and powerful and better then you and knows all. Xx

[Eyesopening]

I can totally relate. I too never experienced physical abuse. But he slamed doors, windows, banged his fist on-the table. I couldn’t say no to sex. He took my money.
We all have different experiences.
I too took a very long time to be able to be sure it was abuse. Years, even a year after leaving i wasn’t sure still.
It was when i did the freedom program that I finally accepted 100%
The first two seasions I wasn’t sure, but then, wow. Highly recommend. Xx

[Eyesopening]

Tried 6 times, hardest days and most confusing days.
I left for good and still have doubts, but when i was in it i wanted to leave so badly!
The hardest thing we will
Ever do, leaving AND staying away cx

[Eyesopening]

I was doubting weather it was abuse until a year after I left..
some people get to achieve clarity on that before they leave. I feel like it is more normal to gain clarity after you leave. You cannot see clearly when you are in the FOG…. But just think about the very fact you are so confused, that you are on a forum for DA, that your not happy, not feeling free, walking on eggshells. Think about those things. What he is doesn’t actually matter. Its how the situation is affecting you.
Sometimes, I would feel so overwhelmed, I would just forget about the subject for a while to have a bit of a mental break. You can’t do this all the time. I tried for 2 years to figure things out and try to leave before I actually could.for months in the middle i would forget everything, for it to came back again down the line.
I hear your confusion, your exhaustion, I know how you feel, I wish I could help you more, but all you can do is to protect yourself and your kids. In anyway you can.
We are here for you, there is support there. If its abuse, control, manipulation, anything, just angry outbursts, there is support for you, it doesn’t need to be labeled as abuse for you to get the support you deserve xxx

[Eyesopening]

Don’t think about leaving if it’s too much. Baby steps. What’s the next step for you?
Calling WA or your local support worker
Self care
Reading a book on DA
Getting your name on the waiting list for freedom program.
Ect ect
One step at a time. That is the only way i could do it x

[Eyesopening]

Look at it another way. I was on the WA chat Multiple times, also my local DA chat. I called, emailed WA lots of times, eventually calling and txting my support worker many times over a year or two. I txt and called my brother all the time through the worst times and he had two small children. I have had nearly a year of therapy through NHS and DA services.
I never received any violence, but mentally i was not safe, which effected me physically in turn, I have never been to the GP as much as I have this year..
Would you say I was underserving of all that support? Or mentally safe?
Your mental safety os just as important as your physical safety.
You are deserving, support is whats going to make you stronger. You know how great this forum is? Imagine that 10fold in support through a DA support worker or women on the freedom program? I have met the most amazing women and we are all local to eachother, it’s actually incredible the strength and support you can receive from the freedom program X

[Eyesopening]

I know it is hard, it takes a long time, but it’s really time to turn that around and look at only him as the one at fault, see that he is the one that is a shameful, pitifully excuse for a human being, to treat you that way. There is nothing wrong with you, you react to his abuse in the only way you can. He gives you no choice after the years of brainwashing and control, you are not in control, so how can you act any different. If you did you could well receive physical violence, they will resort to anything that controls us, so better be controlled by shouting, then stand up and be controlled by violence.. (I would say) i just mean, you had no other possible solution in that moment apart from run the hell outs there, or freeze. HE is the one to blame, the one who has given you no choice. Nothing you do can change him or the situation.. the only way is to get away from these toxic horrible men. They are poison for you in so many ways. I see it so clearly now i have been out a while. But when you are in it, the FOG is unbearable. Xxx

[Eyesopening]

Oh gosh, your not in your home country. That makes things that little more isolating and daunting..
I also was in a foreign country trying to get back to the UK where all my family and friends where.
Just stay safe and really lean on all the support you can get. Its time to go on automatic pilot I felt, I wasn’t in control exactly, my gut was driving me forward and out xx

[Eyesopening]

I can relate to this, it is so very scary leaving, it is like a leap of faith, like you are jumping off a bridge and hoping the bungee cord will hold.
You can do this, we all have a fire inside us that has been squished, use that fire to get control of your life again, to be FREE.
The hardest but best thing you can do for you and your little girl xx

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