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    • #143591

      Trauma based CBT*

    • #143590

      I know how you feel i left ages ago and still struggle with PTSD.
      IESO have been amazing, I’ve been doing trauma based PTSD with them and they are one of the few organizations that don’t limit your sessions. I started with them with top scores for PTSD and now and mid way on the chart.
      Check what you have access to in your area but i am also on the waiting list with (detail removed by moderator), and i had therapy from my local DA organization. Get all the therapy you can. Don’t stop. Your friend’s and family can support but they can’t help with PTSD. Its a serious thing thats needs addressing with a trained therapist.

    • #143589

      I know how you feel. You miss the good him, that false him that he portrayed to keep you with him. Our minds protect us so we only remember the good times. When we need to try to remember all the bad times and that bad side of them. Then we can start to push those thoughts of missing them aside x

    • #143563

      And once you leave, that’s what you miss, the good side of them.

    • #139400

      I hope your ok, don’t force yourself to do anything, you are your biggest protector, protect yourself by staying away from these horrible men. I know its so hard pretending with your partner. But you will get there one day when you don’t need to pretend anymore. I know you will. When you will be free. Sending lots of love xxx

    • #138339

      Hey lovely, this made me think.
      I am also living with my parents, which has gotten so much easier with time. I have made my bedroom my little haven. Which I now love. I have put all my favorite colours and my fav records are there ready to play at all times. I have a plan on my end goal of getting my own place which i focus on and am really positive about, even though it will take a long time to get there. I think hobbies really are the best, I got into records, I got a 2nd hand old record player, I am knitting, I am doing lots of walking and cycling in the country. That time in nature is extremely needed, it saves me, puts me back in the right place, makes me feel sane. No people, no noise, just nature, listen to the sounds, feel bark, immerse yourself and feel at peace.
      I have been thinking about the relationships I have with others. Before my ex, I was always very self sufficient, and knew I had to get through life on my own. I don’t need anyone really. All i need is right here. And I am back to that place again.
      There is only so much others can do for you.
      My parents do not give emotional support much, but more practical support. My sister is more emotionally supportive(though I still have not told anyone about my experiences yet -apart from therapy, I am doing IESO now, I did therapy with my local DA and i am also on the waiting list with MindMatters)
      But what I mean to say is, I feel like I have learnt to know, what support I will get from some people, and what support I will not get. Whatever support i get is a bonus, but not essential.
      I like the idea of self soothing and speaking to yourself like you would a child. I reassure myself and calm myself down, I am now the adult who looks after my inner child.

    • #136439

      Your poor thing, its terribly hard to realize the man we love, who should be our biggest protector is actually out to get us. It’s truly heartbreaking. But You can get through this, you will, it takes some time for the head to makes sense of the two contradictory thoughts. But your main focus now is you and your safety. You cannot trust him. Do not trust his words. You can only trust yourself now. I felt i would never be able to leave, i left and wanted to go back, what really helped me was burning the bridge back. Which meant for me sending an email telling him i am never coming back. And blocking him on everything. The insult was too great for my ex. Maybe its something different for you, but it may be helpful to put something in place that means when you feel weak you have a blocker there to protect you.
      Do reach out to WA and all your support.
      This man is dangerous and does not love you. In a loving relationship there is never violence, not even once. (Sorry for being blunt but it helps sometimes)
      Keep posting too
      Lots of love

    • #136400

      Hey I totally agree with the others.
      Think about why you want to say sorry to him?
      What would it achieve?
      A great book to read is You can heal you life by Louise Hay. She gives exercises for forgiveness, forgiveness to others and yourself.
      It may be that you need to forgive yourself.

    • #136399

      Your amazing well done.
      Keep reaching out as i found afterwards was extremely hard.
      I thought leaving was the magic pill that would solve everything. But in reality for me the healing, the trauma bond breaking, the cognitive dissonance the FOG is really tough after leaving. Get lots of support to manage these things and you can get through the hard first months ok then things really do just get better

    • #136293

      Hey hun, I also thought that, that it was better not knowing, but I really tried not knowing it and it didn’t work, after times i had tried to leave, i went back thinking its all in my head and i was wrong. We have difficulties but thats normal and we can work on it. I switched off from YouTube and googling things. Decided to not ever look at abuse/narc material again.
      (I didn’t find the forum till before i left for good)
      But that only lasted a little bit after returning to him, then things got bad, i needed answers and had to find out what the hell was going on. So i went back to thinking yes he’s abusive and researching.
      You can try it to see, see how life is. I think we need to try everything to be sure we can leave and be sure we stay away.
      I’m kinda just ignoring NY and thinking about being with my family and having a nice time.
      I don’t have social media anymore. It only makes you feel bad so whats the point in it!
      Delete the apps and see how clearer your head can be, you can then really concentrate on your truth and the here and now.
      Lots of love

      • #136294

        And your not moaning or anything like that. Your going through a hard time and have every right to be unhappy and to voice that unhappiness.
        We are all here to support eachother during these times
        I hope next year is better for all
        Of us. I think thats all i can wish for right now. And i am 100% sure it will be better for us as we never stop learning and growing xxx

    • #140225

      Hi Isopeace,
      How are things? Are you still living with your parents?
      Thank you for this message, I am re-reading and it helped to get my head around things.
      So I am much better, my Dad doesn’t trigger me anymore, he can get all worked up and I totally know the stress, anger, is all on him. It is not my problem and it doesn’t even make me anxious! Which is a huge progress considering when I first got here I felt I would pass out from anxiety if he got worked up.
      I leave my parents to it and go somewhere away to pursue my lovely hobbies.
      The problem recently, was that my mum opened up to me (I did not ask) and told me everything, how bad she felt, the things he said which upset her. To me he sounded terribly insecure, (maybe abusive) he is trying to push her away. (he recently was in hospital (detail removed by moderator))
      So anyway, her doing this completely did make me anxious and upset and wished I could move out asap.
      Since I have talked with my therapist, she agrees I should ask my mum not to discuss these things with me. (I was supposed to do this last time) I just can’t seem to do this..
      I feel terrible for my mum and feel she is living in prison, at her age, it seems so so sad.. They are in their 70’s.
      Just shows you THEY NEVER CHANGE.

    • #139388

      Hi PinkVelvet, thanks for replying to me, the wonderful women here really were a comfort to me this weekend.
      I am sorry you know how I feel, but thankgod we have a place to connect and know we are not alone.
      I will carry on what made me feel ok, it’s funny I didn’t connect the two things so easily at first, missing him and starting to use a dating app. Until it got to bad.
      I love spending time focusing on myself and doing only what I want!
      I agree, baby steps, that is how I managed to get out and do ok until now. I suppose baby steps is still needed, I have been doing baby steps for a long time and I was starting to think, maybe its time to look at the bigger picture. It was not pretty! So I will go back to baby steps.
      Lots of love xxx

    • #139310

      Thankyou, thats So true. And gives me hope, i did feel a bit in limbo, but as you say, working on myself is working towards what i want.
      I read that book it is the best, i thought i had prepared myself really well by researching etc into red flags. But then there is also the other factor of just not being ready, not properly healed. Trauma bond still being there a bit. I think not ever talking about it kind of means it gets forgotten about and i minimize what i have been through. I am having therapy for ptsd…

    • #139308

      Thankyou for your lovely message. Yes i was not ready, i have deleted the app now. emotions are still like waves/ mostly calm now bug sometimes the calm tricks me a little into thinking everything is fine. I would like to never go on a dating app again and only meet people through their hobbies. It seems so fake. I am so determined now to carry in dedicating myself to my hobbies , and building healthy relationships with my friends and family.
      Thankyou for makime feel not alone in this. And i know there is time.. i guess i get into that mode where i think it will be so harr to meet anyone that i must try soon..
      but its not a healthy way to start is it.
      Thankyou, lots of love to you too ❤️❤️❤️

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