Fairylady

[Fairylady]

Wow, thats horrific that you went through that. You are so strong for getting through it all though. Thankyou for the advice, luckily I have a friend in the police and she is looking at what can be done about it for me now.
I’m lucky to have the support I’ve got
Thankyou so much Darcy, you sound like an amazing woman x

[Fairylady]

Thankyou, I will enquire at the local women’s aid and my gp and see what I can do. Thqnkyou for the support, its really hard and I just hope im strong enough to stay gone. After messages saying that I’m playing the victim and that he does nothing wrong. Then says I’m lucky the last indicent didn’t go further because he’s not sorry and its my fault. It makes you question everything. I hate that he has so much power over me and I dont feel i can control it.

I will go to the womens aid and GP and see what avenues I can take and good idea on the journal, I try keeping a list to remind me of everything too

Thankyou

[Fairylady]

I’m glad you sent yourself some flowers! You deserve them!
Enjoy them 😊

[Fairylady]

Thankyou ladies, I’ve really struggled today. Debated going back but instead I have cried and walloped and stayed in. I have spoken to him and he has tried to make it like I left because apparently he came round and I wasn’t in (detail removed by Moderator). I didnt leave the house, so I know he’s lying. He has tried saying its my fault and I have argued but realised that I was rising to it and thats probably what he wants. Saying that he doesn’t want me even though I havent said I want to. I know that’s a way to goad me into saying why? Why don’t you want me? I want uou back ect. I have thought about saying it but haven’t.
I’m struggling but I am doing my best. I feel broken atm

[Fairylady]

Hi guys, just in the back of this, has anyone had the experience of their partner calling them by other womens names cause they find it funny?
My partner will call me by different women’s names and expect me to answer. I personally don’t think its funny and I have spoken to him and asked him why he does it, he just says he finds it funny.
Has anyone else had this?

Thanks

[Fairylady]

Thankyou all so much for your advice, its helped massively. I didnt think he had but I always question myself and what is best to do and where to go to advice.

Thankyou all again, im sure there will be an outburst sure enough and I plan on leaving soon as I dont want to feel like this anymore.

I’m angry at myself for letting it get to this, I used to be such a strong person and now I feel like nothing x

[Fairylady]

i stayed at home again, and hes text me this morning asking what the score is with me and him.
he says i should take a few days to think about what i want. i dont know what i want.
on one hand i think he might be changing and i might be losing someone i love, on the other, i think that things might not change and that i will gradually have no family or friends or social life because he goes mad, i will have to do as he has asked and reset my social media to flaunt im with him.
i really dont know what to do and i dont want to hurt him if i say we are over, but is it wrong me not giving him a chance?

[Fairylady]

Wow, that sounds like a lot of strength you had to do that! You are an amazing person for getting through that!

[Fairylady]

Is it abuse though? He hasn’t been bad for a long time so it seems like he’s changed. Maybe he has actually grown from it? X

Thankyou, I do really appreciate the support from everyone here x

[Fairylady]

Ive looked at that before, i think I’m worried about being alone, would life actually be better alone? I’m trying, continuing to text is one of the issues, but i can’t bring myself to block him.
I have done that just now, lit bedroom candles and
Getting cosy with a film.

Hes still texting me, how did you guys do this?

Thankyou all

[Fairylady]

How can I do that though? Im sat upset, heart breaking thinking how I can fix it and how I can make it up to him. Trying to stop myself from driving round and begging for him

[Fairylady]

just on the back of this, im still unsure if it even is abuse, he is lovely sometimes but then there are the big blow blow ups where he will hurl abuse at me or throw things.
thinking on it, its just little things now, he will playfully slap me in the face and say i need to lighten up, or tell his kids that im a gimp. he has little jokes that i dont find funny like calling me other womens names when he calls me.
i dont see these as that bad, not in comparison to how they used to be anyway.
he will also look after me when im poorly or if im not feeling well, but then say things like after ive everything hes done that i owe him. i get accused of messaging other men, so i got rid of all social media, then got told that i was hiding the relationship because i did it, when it was to stop being accused.
he doesnt like me going out with friends or even texting them, he says i have too much time for them, i never go on nights out though, i mean like going for lunch or a walk – generally with my best friend and god daughter. im ot allowed male friends either, thats a big no no, however becasue i have a close knit group of girls, he says im a lesbian and that its weird that im that close. even with all this, isnt this just the crappy bits of a relationship that everyone has to deal with? is it just a case of suck it up and carry on, my family and friends all say i need to get out and that he is manipulative and abusive, which he did used to be, but its no where near as bad as he used to be.

[Fairylady]

he also said i need to (detail removed by moderator) i felt like i was being scorned by my dad, im sore everywhere at the moment, he did also threaten to smack me in the face when i tried stopping him from throwing my stuff – he said (detail removed by moderator) i wouldnt have cared if it wasnt my work computers, i really dont know what to do with this. is it me? i dont feel like i want to be here anymore.

[Fairylady]

thankyou both, he has been worse the last few days nand then tried playing nice after amusing me of seeing someone else when I went to a family members for a birthday. I know i can get out. I need to, its making me ill and I feel like im going crazy being here. He knows that I’m distant, as today he has been nothing but lovely and kind and loving and I havent given anything back, I wont fall into the trap again. I cant.
Thankyou both for the kind words.
The people on here are so supportive and empowering and knowing that so many others can leave and do it, i can do it too.
He won’t be my future. I know i can do it, and i know I can be strong. Now it’s just getting the courage to actually do it without worrying about what happens after.
Thankyou again x

[Fairylady]

Thankyou all do much for you kind words and advice.

It got bad again last night and (detail removed by moderator) ended with him smashing cups and glasses in a rage because my dad has asked me to help (detail removed by moderator) for the day.

I need to get out, i know i will get the strength to do it. Thankyou all so much

 

 

[Fairylady]

hi, thankyou for your reply, I am still in the relationship and it is wearing me down, I had left, and when he wasn’t bothered I begged for him to take me back, I was heartbroken, now he says he can’t trust me because I “ran away” rather than sorting things out. I am back now and playing house as normal, as he doesnt like to discuss things, he likes to carry on as nothing happened.
Thankyou for the advice on where I can go for help too.

[Fairylady]

Thankyou for the support, I do doubt myself a lot questioning if it is me thats the abuser because he always says things that make me doubt myself. I always wonder if im the bad one thats causing things. He has said before that I am the one that hurts him and he has made fun of me when I said my family and friends think he’s abusive, saying I wouldn’t know what abuse is if it slapped me in the face. He says he’s not bad and I am the bad one because i don’t pay him enough attention and that i spoke to my mother in the past because I wanted attention.

Its taking a tole now, and i am still in the relationship

[Fairylady]

I’ll research trauma therapy too. Sounds like you went through hell, im glad to hear you came out the other end too x

[Fairylady]

Thankyou both. I tried speaking to him today to try and make him understand what he’s doing and he says its all me, that my family are worrying for no reason.
my family and friends have been trying to get me to leave for a while now and they came to me before I spoke of anything, he says that I shouldn’t have spoken to anyone because its a private relationship and that I’m doing it for people to feel sorry for me and we could have sorted it out between us. Said my family hate him because I made him look bad. I tried explaining the things he does and how he makes me feel and he just kept saying i should apologise because now everyone thinks hes bad and he says that I am like him, that I am the controlling one, i will admit, I do like to have things a certain way when cleaning and the way the house is and am controlling with that. But I don’t feel I’m like him? I worry he’s right and that I am like him and that maybe it is me that’s causing it all.
I question myself with things he says all the time.

[Fairylady]

Thankyou, I will go to the gp and see what they can do. I have been looking at local support groups that maybe I could go to once the lockdown is over and see how it helps too x

[Fairylady]

Thankyou to both of you, how did you guys get out? I always want to go back and i always end up being the one apologising and begging to come back
Thankyou guys
I downloaded both books

[Fairylady]

Thankyou to boghe of you, how did you guys get out? I always want to go back and i always end up being the one apologising and begging to come back
Thankyou guys
I downloaded both books

[Author]

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