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I don’t believe for one minute he turned up here, another one of his idle threats. I do think though he purposely got dressed up and got someone to take a photo to make it look like he was going out. I just wish things were normal cause when it’s good it’s great, we have so much fun together. But the bad times are outweighing the good days now, and it makes me really sad cause I I’ve been so blinkered for so long and let someone treat me like utter shit for so long. I truly believed he loved and adored me and really saw myself growing old with him and had so many plans in my head. Just makes me sad that he has ruined all of that. Xx

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He’s back in touch again with the emails (detail removed by moderator)? I hate self doubt I really hate it!! And I really resent him for making me feel this way about myself and for lowering my self confidence to nothing! Xx

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I’ve had this problem too, huge waiting lists and then I phoned one that my doctor recommended to me cause she said they will definetely see you and the guy was basically like no we are a generic counselling service your needs are too specific??!! I just wanted to sit down in front of someone and get help, I know abuse is very specific but I have a history of depression too so I felt it wouldn’t be an issue getting seen. It can be quite disheartening when you realise you have to wait a long time to be seen but it’s the first step to healing yourself. I’m going to my doctor next week cause I desperately needtosee someone, I’m just so broken. I really find coming on here helps too though xx

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I haven’t heard from him since (detail removed by moderator). He started posting things on my Facebook which he has never done before (detail removed by moderator)I just deleted them then deactivated my account. I find myself today continuously looking at my phone to see if he has been in touch cause there is never a day goes by when he doesn’t get in touch whether it be nice stuff or abusive stuff. I feel totally conditioned by him if that makes sense?? I’m not in unblocking him, he knows the only way he can get through to me is by email or withholding his number. It feels horrible that I actually feel sad that I’ve not heard from him, I just need to keep reading back through all the horrific messages he has sent me to remind myself this is not a relationship you should be in. For the past (detail removed by moderator) my life evolved solely round him when I’m not with my kids so I just have this feeling of emptiness at the moment. I really hope this feeling starts to go away soon.

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I feel stuck in the same situation as you. I have no ties with him, I have two children from a previous relationship, yet I struggle to get him out my life. The only tie I have is we work together, not side by side together every day but we work in the same place, same colleagues. Today was a really bad day. I did what I always do, cave in and forgive any abusive behaviour that he has been displaying. Which then opens him up to horrible messages and accusing me of cheating on him. I can’t do anything now without him thinking I’m at it with someone else! If I’m on Facebook I’m talking to someone else, if I haven’t been on messenger it’s cause I have a man in my house keeping me occupied! So today I have been fighting back the tears because I have already been off sick from my work due to my mental health and I can’t afford to be off anymore. I cried and cried as I left work today. Getting the messages from him saying how I’ve treated him like shit and he deserves better than the way I’m treating him
Cause he isn’t important to me apparently and I only squeeze him in when I’ve got nothing else to do. All I do in my spare time is spend it with him. We have now gone from the horrible accusation messages, calling me a liar, to calm messages with kisses on them. He said today that he was going to go away on holiday himself, it made me feel horrible the thought of him going away and maybe being with someone else. But then I feel ill too at all this behaviour he is putting me through. Making me totally doubt myself and think what if he’s right what if I have been treating him like shit?? I have an appointment with my doctor soon and I’m going to beg to be referred to a psychologist cause I can’t go on like this anymore. I know I need to get him out my life to move on, I’m just really struggling the now to do this. I hope we both find the strength to move on and leave for good! Sending you lots of hugs and positive energy xx

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My behaviour has changed but it’s changed in the sense that I stand up to him and I don’t let him treat me the way I used to let him. Even though I still always go back for more cause I give the benefit of the doubt and give chance after chance only for him to go back to the bad behaviour. If I went to the gym on my own instead of going and seeing him he’d say I’m meeting someone or it’s cause I want to eye up the guys there. He says he would spend 7 days a week with me and always puts me first as I’m his number one, so cause one night I was going to my friends he says my actions show I don’t want him. Says he didn’t have an issue with me going out, it’s the fact I changed plans. But if it wasn’t an issue then why go on about it so much? Everything gets monitored, tells me when I’m active online on social media, I feel like I’ve got to remember everything I’ve commented on, liked, because he might quiz me on it and try catch me out for something. I’m just so sick of doubting myself and thinking maybe I am the one who is doing something wrong? All my energy has been sucked out of me and I’m fed up looking sad and not making an effort on my appearance anymore. Xx

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Thankyou. I’m glad I’ve signed on today. So I was weak again and thought let’s move on with things and try get back to what we were when I fell in love. We went on a date, not been on one in ages, I loved it, I loved spending quality time with him. Kissing him, hugging him, laughing together. Then the next day I’m not with him and he starts saying stuff like I’ve changed recently, I don’t tag us in social media anymore together, I change plans all the time and only squeeze him in when I’ve got nothing better to do, it couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t tag us in things anymore cause I’m so fed up with getting kicked from his Facebook page and then having to get re added. So yeah maybe I’m slightly stronger and that’s what has changed? For the past year all I have done is spend all my extra spare time with him. If I’m not with my kids I’m with him. I don’t go to the gym unless it’s with him. I don’t go out running any more, I haven’t been out with my friends or been on a night out so how can it be that I only see him when I’ve nothing better to do?? I’m sitting totally doubting myself thinking oh god have I really been selfish and do I not show him enough love and affection?? But I felt like the other night it was me making all the moves for kisses and hugs. I also got accused of doing something to my Facebook cause he couldn’t see something on it so instantly he says I’m hiding something. It was a fault with Facebook nothing to do with me but still accuses me. I’m just feeling so drained and down. When he says stuff like that’s fine I know how little I mean to you I just need to accept it, it really upsets me cause I’ve put so much time love and energy in to him. I haven’t done anything for myself In so long, so how can he say otherwise. Totally mentally drained today. Xx

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Thankyou for your post it’s most comforting tonight. Again I’m feeling wracked with guilt and doubting myself. He says I’ve treated him like shit and he’s not going to be my door mat anymore, giving me ultimatums, idle threats. My attitude has changed recently cause I just feel I can’t go on like this for much longer. I do love him, but I can’t be an verbal punchbag anymore. I do feel his behaviour has got worse the less control he has over me, if you loved me you’d be here if you loved me you wouldn’t change plans, if you loved me you wouldn’t treat me like shit. I just need to stay strong. I’m finding it so hard though. Xx

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I’ve blocked him now. I’ve had 48 hours of abusive phone calls and messages. And if I don’t reply in enough time it’s cause I’m with someone else. I’m not going to unblock. I just can’t do this anymore. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Xx

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Thankyou. All my friends say the same and pray that I walk away. I don’t know why I feel so sucked in to him and feel like I can’t get away. We don’t have any ties together so I don’t have to be with him. He just puts so much doubt in my head and I think oh god what if I’m throwing away my soul mate and someone who loves me cause that’s what he says he is. Then the other part of me says but if he loved you he wouldn’t treat you like this and talk to you like this and threaten you so much. I don’t want him to be with anyone else, the thought makes me sick. But then if he loved me he wouldn’t sleep with someone else would he so why am I wasting so much energy and tears on him?? I just want to run away. Xx

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I get this thrown at me also. That I just used him to have a baby and now I got what I wanted I just try and get rid of him, like that it’s so deluded and couldn’t be further from the truth. I think does he actually believe that or does he say it cause he knows it will hurt me. I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown with all the mind games. Makes me doubt myself and ask myself am I the problem?? Is it me that’s making him like this?? Am I creating problems that aren’t there??

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This sounds a lot like my situation at the moment. I’m also struggling walking away. We did separate for a few weeks and he pestered me and pestered me. Didn’t matter if I blocked him from everything he always found a way to get in touch. I got all the I can’t function without you, I’m miserable without you, I can’t sleep, I’m a mess. For a few weeks I was strong but then he wore me down and like you we spoke for hours on the phone and I bought in to everything and gave him another chance because I believed he could change because I thought oh my god he must love me cause he is chasing me and trying to win me back. For a couple of weeks the lovey dovey talk was actually a bit over bearing, constantly telling me how much he loves me how he wants to make me his wife have a family with me. Now it’s slowly going back to the way it was before. Turning everything round on me again, the controlling behaviour, making me feel like crap basically. I might not be any use to you cause I’m struggling walking away. Just wanted to share my story cause it was so similar. Hope we both find some strength to move on and be happy xx

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Thankyou, your words are very kind and comforting. It’s just all the mind games that get played all the time. I’m just totally made to be the bad one and sometimes he’s just very straight to the point and tells me how I’ve let him down and disappointed him, and then he puts on the sad face saying I don’t make him feel loved and it’s no wonder he doubts me. Then I feel sorry for him and feel bad cause I don’t like making anyone feel bad. But I don’t know if it’s all an act??! I’ve not got back in touch with him today after him telling me not to bother going to his cause I changed the plans (ever so slightly!), and I’m not going to. I know in my head what to do it’s just staying strong and following through with it. I’m so sick of crying and feeling worthless and I’m sick of looking so unhappy. Thankyou for your support xx

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