godschild

[godschild]

Poor you, I was accused last night of having a copy of my abusers book, he really went at me and it was not his book I had at all.

You cant put up with this, him deliberately waking you up that’s sheer deliberate cruelty.

I hope he leaves you alone tonight now so you can rest but you may need to call the police if his rages are getting worse to show him you wont be intimidated and abused by him,

[godschild]

It is shocking, I had no idea that SS had no input into access, its appaling and it seems he is only doing it to get at you and why should your little one suffer. its crazy and so upsetting for you and her,

[godschild]

I cannot imagine how terrible it must be to have to let your children go to an abusive man as ive never been in that position, its ridiculous to let a man who has been abusive and upset the children to have access, I think the only contact these men should have is in a childrens centre where the children at in a safe place and not alone with them.

I think if the children at old enough to decide they should be allowed to not see the parent if they don’t want to, these men lose their rights as dads when thy abuse their mom or them as far as I’m concerned

[godschild]

I’m sure you are doing right, your younger son has had the option to join you, worst case scenario if it gets too much for him maybe a sofa bed temporariy so he can stay with you, get yourself out first and go from there

[godschild]

This is awful did you tell 101 about the knocking on the door and damage to porch roof, they need to investigate him ASAP, he seems relentless in tormenting you,

[godschild]

Forgot to say mine used to be horrible to our puppy, he put her out of the car when I did not please him, he used to be pretty rough with her, they resent animals, they want all of the attention, harming pets is common. I gave mine to my parents in the end, this was decades ago and its all come back reading about animals, he used to put her bed out at night and yell, “get on your bed” , I remember her cowering and running past him quickly to get on the bed

[godschild]

I remember you when you were on here before Mellow Yellow, Please leave, I wish I had decades ago when I had My Parents alive and my children at home and was not too ill to do it.

He has thrown the dog it could be you or your daughter next that he throws, my children resented the fact that they grew up with abuse, your little girl is better to make a fresh start now away from abuse than witness what he did to you yesterday, that is so much more important than her temporary friends now.

You have family, an opportunity for support and a new life right away from him.

As soon as it is safe to do so pack what you need and go whilst you have the opportunity

[godschild]

Why on earth should you lose your job because of a police call out over an offence, is this even legal to say this to you, if he has tried to get to your bedroom window you must report it, your safety comes before anything, fail to see how reporting a crime affects your job.

Why should you move its him that needs dealing with, can you not go to your local police station and tell them what is happening and the threat to your job, they may be able to keep an eye on your home tonight and catch him red handed and arrest him

[godschild]

Suermum, I was really sad reading your post and just looked at your previous posts, its sick and cruel what he is doing to you and causing you so much physical and emotional pain, how can he be so depraved.

It would be good to get yourself examined and the injuries recorded tommorow and tell the Dr what goes on, he should be locked up for behavoir like this to you, using your precious body to act out his fantasies and things he watches,

I hope you can get him out of the house someway, I have no experience if how but you cannot keep taking this abuse, make a firm no to him re anymore sex at all, make it totally clear, do not allow him to even sleep in your bed, if this isn’t dangerous for you to do, if this us the way he treats your body, if he is abusive in front of the children in anyway you already have reports on this and it may be a way to make him leave the home sending you a big hug you des
erve better than this we all do

[godschild]

So sorry you had abuse before, Ive had decades with just one, he has changed tactics over the times,

I had not heard the term Son Husband before so will look that up.

Selfish and evil is so so true, its hard to comprehend human beings can be so cruel and calculated, take care

[godschild]

That would be wonderful so so wonderful, for people like me who cannot get out alone, I am so isolated, its so much needed, there is no provision for those of us who cant get to places, hope you can bring your dream to pass, would you mind letting e know what part of the country you are in by PM, I will understand if you don’t want to

[godschild]

I don’t know how you coped with that for 5 weeks after giving birth, my mother in law was so domineering and opinonated, he never stood up to her, she is gone now but she really made a mark on my life, she stood up for him always seeing me as the problem , he would never tell her to stop her opinonated belittling attitude to me.
I’m sure that these domineering mothers damage their dons and we take the blame they use us to abuse for the pain inflicted by their mothers and we pay the price and they just treat their mothers better than they treat us, Ive read your posts you have gone through so much I dont know how these men can be so cruel

[godschild]

So true ConfusedAgain, they do harp on about normal small things they do as though they are really wonderful or resent doing them and let you know it one way or another, mine says to me that id were an abuser he would not get me food if I’m ill, he huffs and puffs whilst doing it, really moans on and on, he only does it to “prove” to himself that he is not abusive,, he totally resents anything he does of me but does things as a cover to show he is a good husband, when he is really nothing of the sort and if it suits him he will stop doing things for me.

They seem especially uncaring over pregnancy , childbirth, menopause, period issues, it would do them good to cope with these things and have the neglect they give us , proving financially is not the only provision they should give us, they are a disgrace, you must have felt very hurt after having hid child to be neglected and not nurtured

[godschild]

So true ConfusedAgain, they do harp on about normal small things they do as though they are really wonderful or resent doing them and let you know it one way or another, mine says to me that id were an abuser he would not get me food if I’m ill, he huffs and puffs whilst doing it, really moans on and on, he only does it to “prove” to himself that he is not abusive,, he totally resents anything he does of me but does things as a cover to show he is a good husband, when he is really nothing of the sort and if it suits him he will stop doing things for me.

They seem especially uncaring over pregnancy , childbirth, menopause, period issues, it would do them good to cope with these things and have the neglect they give us , proving financially is not the only provision they should give us, they are a disgrace, you must have felt very hurt after having hid child to be neglected and not nurtured

[godschild]

Thats good that you feel so much better, I know the abuse takes its toll in many ways and if you don’t have the disabilities I have and have family or friends to support you and you can go out alone and stay alone its better to get away but for me I have no one at all and it is impossible to be alone, go out alone get too see my family alone, so all I can do is the best I am doing, WA knew the extent of my issues and acknowledged that I could not leave, a Lady on the National help line said that there are Women with disabilities of many forms who cannot leave and they encouraged me to do the best I can.
They said every case of abuse is different, their understanding of the imposibility of me leaving was very very helpful, they fully acknowledged my situation, they said each women has to do the best for her whatever that might be for whatever reasons or even if she feels she needs to stay, when things get hard like now I’m unwell I reach out on here for support in the situation I’m in, there is no solution as such but some understanding and verification of the abuse helps, a big percentage of ladies on here although it being so hard manage to leave, but that is not possible for everyone when you have chronic disabilities and absolutely no one to support you, whilst my life is far from the best, its the only way at present.

[godschild]

Thankyou Blue Dolphin, I did not realise that it was common for them upset us before medical appiontments etc, its happened so often to me it cant be just chance, its deliberate. He then says to me , you always behave like this when you are ill or you always get like this when you have a medical appointment, when its HIM that behaves like it.

I was looking today at carers, they charge almost £1,000 a week for 24 hour service, his business is from home as well and I do get out and away with him, in calmer times, due to my disabilities all round my life would be far worse if I could not get out, be financially proved for, this hard but the alternative would at present be impossible for me.

Thankyou for advise on samaritans I did actually call them the other night feeling very distressed and she made me feel so much worse, I explained (detail removed by moderator) but she could not have listed as she asked questions that were ridiculous, she was very robotic n her conversation and just repeated what I was saying, she had no idea at all about abuse, but I will try again maybe, as you say its the luck of the draw , I have on a couple of occasions got two lovey ladies who really interacted with me

[godschild]

I know just what you mean about a second you seeing the truth of what is going on, I speak to myself in my mind all the time, in the past  years after decades of it, Ive learned so so much and still am learning new things, I’m astounded that it was only about (detail removed by moderator) years ago I realised this was abuse.

I have set many bounderies (detail removed by moderator) years ago and it only because I am unwell at present that he has had the opportunity to get to me.

My mind is bit by bit proceesesing the full horror of it , I get lots of flashbacks and cannot beleive want he has done over the years, but then its like my mind cannot cope with it all in one go, so I tend to paper over it a bit, I can only get out or away with him so my mind has to cope this way, but I’m so aware of what he is up to.

I can pretty much guage the extent of his abuse and know if he is bad, its been mainly emotional and verbal and smashing my precious things and cruelty and indifference etc he hit ne for the first time two years ago and that brought it to ahead, I drew many lines between us and I wont meet up with other people so he can put on his act, only my close family, he does not like it but I wont cover up anymore to many people, I cut conversations that are nonsence with him, correct him if he says untrue things, he wont accept it but it clarifies in my mind the truth.

It helped years ago having the weekly phone calls with WA but they put a 12 week cap on it, it certainly strengthened me and reading on here.

For decades it was the cycle of abuse, and business as usual in other words he got away with it time after time but no more, so in a lot of ways ive left him in my mind but cant physically if that makes sense, no Christmas cards or gifts no birthday cards or gifts, he hates that I will neither accept them from him or give them to him, he used to sabotage and wreck nice things I planned for him and I saw the light and stopped it all, so he is not getting “fed” like he used to

[godschild]

Thanks again Tiffany, I find it incredible that they seem to be from the same mould in how they try to guilt trip us over anything they can.

If we don’t do things its wrong if we do another its wrong, contradicting themselves over and over, he tries to blame me for being unwell or make out there is no illness always has, I remember when my son was a boy, he clearly had shingles he came in minimised it said it was just a bit of a rash and I was overreacting, yet if @I had not taken action I would have been neglectful.

[godschild]

On the other side of the coin has anyone been berated or guilt tripped for pouring themselves out completely even when ill for others, no regard for you but they expect you to help other people even to your own detriment or say you arnt caring, I’m a very caring person but am having to learn that I need to look after myself as well but get questioned when I do, yet he forever says to me not to peoples faces but behind closed doors, I don’t want to hear about other peoples problems ive got enough of my own or why are you stressing me with other peoples problems or its not my problem, yet he shows false care to their faces

[godschild]

So its all classic as ever, thankyou Tiffany

Born to be Free, I’m sorry I just abbreviated your name Born To Be Free with BTBF

[godschild]

Thankyou for that BTBF

[godschild]

Thankyou Tiffany, I tried to find some councelling from those qualified in abuse but to no avail. my own local WA councelling shut down, I cannot get out alone to get to amyone, WA wont come out because of him but once I’m over this illnees, I am going to see if I can maybe get some support by skype but getting the right help from people trained in abuse is ni on immposible, ive tried for years.

[godschild]

They do no see that they are abusive, they never take responsibility at all, they try to hoover you back in by being nice, they throw you off balance deliberately, change tactics over time, if the abuse is more recognisable they will make it less obvious by changing how they abuse you. they expect us to put up with it all, never challenge, never answer back, they like to push us over the edge so they can turn it all round onto us and call us the abuser or if we don’t play to their tune or dance their dance they call us unforgiving, its all to take responsibility off themselves for their cruel behavoir. they are totally deluded over the truth of themselves, best way is show no reactions at all or walk away they cant stands that, they feed off our reactions ad push reactions deliberately, they think they can walk all over us and do as they like, I’m leaning more and more about their cunning conniving ways, they want attention in any way they can get it

[godschild]

Thankyou Tiffany, I get those two extremes as well, he can be very helpful then I see the cracks begin, and he is vile to me, no rhyme or reason to why he changes, its total Jeckle and hyde.

I was a very very frightened child afraid to be alone, so it was already there but he has defiantely pushed it much further for me.

I’m beginning to see the horror of how frightened and insecure he has made me by not being there over the decades when ive really needed support, I have somehow made him my security, illogically when I have no security in him at all quite the opposite, he could have done so much to help me with it all, but he never encourages me, comforts me , talks to me about my fears or supports me, he just rides over them and tells me what I can or cant cope with. He uses my phobias to terrify me as well. Its like due to my recent illness ive really seen how insecure and afraid I am with him.

I have found the mental health service varying form useless to abusive over the decades Ive suffered, my abuser called the ambulance to me a ploy to say I needed commiting , a really lovely paramedic took two hours to pursued me to go to the hospital as he said things had improved, the medical staff were very kind, but the mental health nurse was horrible, she said of my agoraphobia , you have the same choice as I do to go to work each day to decide whether to go out or not and you choose to stay in an abusive relationship, I went to pieces as I was already at my end, I made a complaint and she was officially told off, I don’t find anything has changed in my area, I always end up in a worse state.

[godschild]

I have suffered for decades had every form of treatment, I was a member of anxiety uk, learned a lot from them, there are some on line forums, just reading other people who have similar helps, knowing that other people know the extent of it all, I had a friend on line (detail removed by moderator) but shew has just cut me off after several years of friendship then another so called friend who suffered similar turned horrible on me, people use you and I think when you are abused you get cut off as well and lose people

[godschild]

Thanks Kip, they told me about agencies if I needed anyone to sit with me, (detail removed by moderator), I cant be alone at all and need to be in my own home due to the agopraphobia which ive had over (detail removed by moderator) years, I had issues as a child, no doubt he has made them worse.

[godschild]

Thankyou Kip, years ago, has Social services, no help at all, Ive tried every avenue to get help, GP did not want to know just reffered me to community mental health they phyciatrist who came to the home said their service had nothing to offer me and said get in touch with DA people, I had 12 weeks of telephone support with WA that was it, I have set many bounderies and when not physically ill, ive been a lot stronger.

Hr thinks because he may cook me something when ill that he is wonderful, ive told him he is cruel but he cannot see it

[godschild]

Thankyou for sharing that Dragonfly, what on earth makes them tick, whenever ive had to attend appointments mine has stressed me so much before, I had (detail removed by moderator), can be very serious, (detail removed by moderator), but he was hateful about taking me to out of hours GP, ranting all the way then walked off and left me while in there and us being ill seems to be such an inconvenience to them why do they cause it, how can they be so inhumane and not care.

[godschild]

There is nothing to them , they have no real personality, mine has no hobbies whatsoever, just work or watches TV, Ive even really noticed lately that his catch phrase are always the same, like he has a pre recording in him, uses the same old things to try to upset me or if I complain about something, he will a short time after accuse me of the same thing, he mimics me,

He has no conversation skills we an go out and if I don’t make conversation its silence, if I say to him he never talks he will say what do you want me to say, they only have a false persona there is no depth to them at all.

Mine does not know how to behave in company, he acts silly or makes unkind jokes about other people or put downs.

He has no friends only work aquaintances, his whole family could not string more than a couple of words together to each other, no relationship at all.

He will belittle my opinions views on anything and everything yet will use them to speak to others about as if its his own opinion, when it suits

His Dad was the same no conversation skills he used to hear what someone else said then repeat it as though it was his idea, a friend once met him and said he was like a cardboard statue, no substance, all they say and do is learned from others esp
espcially us

[godschild]

Dragonfly forgot to say, My children are always busy, and they won’t even acknowledge his abuse now, wont even talk about it to me, they both suffered at his hands especially my son, my daughter lives  miles away but is very selfish like her Dad and gives me zero support on anything, the both site me as being part of the issue, I think they cant cope with all he did when they were growing up but I find their generation are all take and don’t give parents the care.

I actually text my son and his wife years ago the only time my abuser hit me and he then walked out and left me alone they totally ignored me, the police called my son on another occasion as my abuser had chest pains and had to go to hospital and he totally refused to come and sit with me, its heartbreaking as ive been the very best supportive Mom I could be despite my own illneses and the abuse yet I am discarded now

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