HaPea

[HaPea]

I try to text my mum bits and pieces sometimes when things are said. I did that today but it’s hard to convey the general tone as my head feels so foggy I instantly forgot the actual words he used. So I do try to write somewhere be it in text or in here general things that happen. Not as easy as it sounds though when your brain feels fried.

[HaPea]

Thank you. I have some bags packed but I just don’t know how to go about this at all. I would have much rather it all be agreed and done amicably. However he refuses to end the relationship and refuses to move just is defiant every step of the way.

[HaPea]

I’ve made lists on my phone of what I own gifted or bought myself. It’s a lot of things really. I wouldn’t be able to move this all into emergency accommodation and I have no income to be able to rent somewhere myself.

[HaPea]

More often than not it’s me threatening divorce. I don’t want to be here. He guilts me making me feel like I’m over reacting if I say about divorce and leaving.

[HaPea]

Nothings changing. I still feel stuck. I don’t feel able to face all of these professionals because I keep being made to feel like I’m twisting everything so I keep second guessing myself despite trying to tell myself I’m not making it up.

[HaPea]

I tell them how he behaves towards me. They’ve seen messages he sends other women. But yet I have to play nice and am expected to take care of him help him because he’s ‘unwell’.

[HaPea]

I am in a situation where my OH essentially blames his ill mental health on his alcoholism and then that’s the reason he is verbally aggressive. Claims I am all of the horrible things he thinks in his head that I haven’t done. Then it’s also the reason why he pervs on many many women all over social media and pays young women and texts them for drugs and sex. It’s not a nice life to be stuck in.

[HaPea]

My partner is an alcoholic. 100% it’s a red flag and I’d run a mile. He’s just lucky he’s not been caught but the next time he does it I have been advised to call the police.

[HaPea]

Yeah you got the gist of it. I already had tweaked the situation myself but it still got heavily moderated!

It’s somewhat good to know that it’s not unique to my situation.

[HaPea]

It’s the pretending nothing happened the next day that’s the worst. Just own it. I’m not stupid. They can’t admit it’s a problem.

[HaPea]

Your post is so relatable. Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t really have any advice. I’m muddling my way through each day as it is.

[HaPea]

If you haven’t already try to chat to the advisors I did that today and got lots of information of places that can give more information and help. It’s still really hard though reaching out to these people. Admitting we’re struggling. My main guilt is the child, I don’t want to do anything that could potentially make him unhappy. Which is why we stick it out and hurt. Like you my child is my main happiness. My everything.

[HaPea]

Thanks for reaching out. I managed to contact some one via chat today and have a lot of resources of places that can provide me with further information. I feel so low. Just had another argument over something that was bought for me to use and was taken back without asking or informing me because when I confronted him his reply was well I bought it with my money. I’ll just buy another when you actually need it. Which takes away my indépendance of just cracking on with the job when I feel able. I hung up the phone because he didn’t understand my point of view and was getting shouty. I just feel like it’s these little things that constantly put me down. They’re never ending

[HaPea]

I’m sorry you feel this way. It’s like I could have written this myself. Confused, suffocated, conflicted. The child gets used as pawn to make me feel bad to stay but I desperately want to go. He knows that. Like you I was too honest.

[HaPea]

You make it sound so easy! How did you manage to pack your car up and leave? I’ve got some bags packed but I own so much of the general stuff in this house I don’t want to just leave it behind and it’s not all fitting in a car. Never mind the pets and the child too?

[HaPea]

Copevarde sorry to jump in, but how did you manage to leave? I want to make some kind of a plan but I’m really unsure of the logistics. Might be because I don’t want to leave anything behind. I’m struggling to get the courage up.

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