Houndgirl

[Houndgirl]

This rings so many bells with me. He could be nice but then, when he wasn’t it was horrible. No physical abuse but I would have found that easier to come to terms with somehow (previous boyfriend was violent so I speak from experience). The silences were the worst for me, felt so lonely and isolated but was too ashamed to tell anyone so they just saw a happy relationship and when it ended they sided with ‘Mr Nice Guy’ as it was easier than putting up with the ‘miserable woman’. So feeling even more isolated than ever. Three decades of abuse followed by months of isolation once it was over. Hoping it will improve…

[Houndgirl]

Detaching from people has been the hardest part for me but somehow one of the most necessary things. People say they we shouldn’t expect people to take sides – screw that! If someone can see what I have become after the treatment I received from him and still want to be his friend then you are No friend of mine. Likewise, if you expect me to bounce back and ‘cheer up’ after 5 minutes I don’t need you in my life. Downside is, life is very isolated but at least it’s not negative, right?

[Houndgirl]

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve wondered why I keep going. I tell myself it’s because I have my dogs to look after but there is probably more to it, deep down I think we all know that if we can make it through just one more day then something good might happen, a light at the end of the tunnel. Most days are just the same, nothing good happens as such but we still make it through so, what the hell, might as well get through another day and see what happens. I can’t say it’s fun, Groundhog day, every day but the law of averages says that they can’t all be bad, can they?! Just keep plodding along with the rest of us and we can gain hope when others on here tell of their little ‘wins’

[Houndgirl]

I sometimes have to leave my desk at work because tears have started, not sure where they come from but have to make a quick exit! I hate it but there is never a single hour when it doesn’t go through my head in one way or another. I told myself I would not be angry, I never want to turn into one of those bitter people, I would hate myself for that but I wish I could just get it out of my head, just for a little while, forget the last few decades. I’m so much luckier than most, financially independent with my own home (he didn’t want the financial responsibility of buying a house after a year or two and made me but him out) and I have my beautiful dogs to keep me company but I still can’t find peace. Hoping it will return eventually and that I can finally find the happiness I crave, possibly with company.

[Houndgirl]

I’ve felt like you even though my situation is not the same. I often wanted someone to just have a go at him and tell him what a ***** he was but nobody ever did. Made me feel worthless, invisible. I’m not sure what the answer is, still looking for it myself but they keep saying that karma will come to the rescue sooner or later. We can only live in hope it’s sooner.

[Houndgirl]

Don’t really have any close friends, never found it easy to make them since I was a small child. Ironic really as I hate being alone!

[Houndgirl]

Thank you everyone. My feelings of failure stem from me thinking I was worth being a better person for. Now I just feel worthless. I’ve never been my biggest fan and this has sent me to rock bottom. And I’m not good at being alone, when I’m alone I tend to attack myself, very self critical and paranoid. My dogs are my life but they can’t talk to me and explain to me why this has happened and no humans seem to want to do it either.

[Houndgirl]

I have found myself cutting people out of my life because they seem to want the easy option, to believe that this is just another break up and not the result of abuse. Nobody wants to acknowledge the abuse! One person I knew texted to say that it was sad as ‘you are both such lovely people’!! They then disappear because I have obviously overreacted and should just ‘get over it’ – those words are the worst. Do they think I want to be like this? Destroyed, a shell, a shadow of my former self? I wish I could get over it and stop repeating myself but nobody hears me and nobody wants to help me understand why this happened. The isolation is dragging me down

[Houndgirl]

It’s true, when you are in it you can’t see it. Then, when you are out, the world is such a big lonely place. I’m still struggling to come to terms with everything and don’t have much support from so called friends so have pulled away from them one by one. I hid the reality for so long they now think I’m overreacting! They see the fake front he is so good at showing and think he’s just a ‘nice bloke’.

[Houndgirl]

But how do you rebuild from scratch when you don’t trust anyone. Add to that I haven’t told people at work because 1 a lot of them know him and would believe him and 2 I feel ashamed for failing. And I live in a small village so meeting new people is tricky. He took away my one hobby by joining the group himself after he walked out on me and, because they welcomed him, I don’t trust them ǹow anyway so no going back. It all seems so impossible at the moment

[Houndgirl]

Your comments hit the nail on the head for me, I’m the one making contact as he left me but it is like a temporary reprieve from the loneliness.

[Houndgirl]

I’m new to the forum but your comment about how you isolate yourself really hit home. I’m probably more unusual in that my ex walked out on me after years (decades) of emotional abuse. I’ve not coped well with this but (detail removed by Moderator) on I find that either people are avoiding me or I have moved away from them because of the trust thing. Sad to say I’m still hoping that a miracle will happen, he will see the error of his abusive ways, and return to put things right. In the meantime I have never felt so lonely and will often go a whole weekend without speaking to anyone but the dogs. At work I’m still in denial and have not confessed my single status so put on a ‘gameface’ and pretend I’m ok. I feel my whole existence is a pointless fake, not a life at all. All I do is work and take care of my dogs. If it wasn’t for them I doubt I would still be here.

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