Lightness

[Lightness]

Merry Christmas, ladies x

[Lightness]

Blue skies, you said: ‘I have separated this man into two separate people: one is the amazing man I love. The other is cruel and unkind. I am struggling to put these two people together and realise they are the same person!!!’

This is how they manipulate us. The amazing man is the actor who wears a mask. The unkind man is the real him. It’s devastating to realise this. It’s part of the ‘cognitive dissonance’ when you can’t hold two opposing beliefs at the same time and it makes you doubt yourself. Stay strong, it will be worth it and in time you will make sense of it all x

[Lightness]

well done xxx

[Lightness]

The stress of the virus will likely stress out the perpetrators and they will no doubt want to take the blame out on their victims. I know that that is how it would have been for me. He would have though the virus was caused to hurt him and so I would be made to pay.

[Lightness]

Hey KIP
Hats off to you!
I’m having EMDR at the moment – I wonder if you might want to consider it, in preparation. Just a thought. I had a particularly good session today and I am feeling particularly empowered. Interestingly the EMDR I am having has not even started with processing the traumas relating to him, as we are starting from my teenage years (nothing to do with abuse), but even processing that is really helpful and it’s actually strangely taking the energy away that I have ‘given’ to him, if that makes any sense. He’s just a boy I met and used to know.

Sending hugs and strength your way
Lx

[Lightness]

well done Eggshells

I agree, life does get better – much better. It takes time but it’s worth it

Lx

[Lightness]

Ok so I am going to take some time out of dating to take care of myself. I had another encounter today with a guy who seemed normal and then revealed himself. Wow! That’s 5 manipulators I have met on-line to 2 healthy-ish guys. We all need to be so careful X

[Lightness]

thank you Sunshine and Tiffany
It was definitely not a healthy relationship for me.
I’m definitely going to look at love addiction – sounds fascinating and like I could learn a lot
thankyou

Lx

[Lightness]

Thanks ladies
You’ve been so so helpful. Friends don’t get it – but you do.

So, rightly or wrongly I have convinced myself that he is an abuser. My gut tells me I am right.
We are now no contact so it is done and dusted. I can’t believe how upset and disappointed I feel by this experience. It was only 2 dates and even though I wasn’t that into him I feel like a relationship has ended. I guess it must be the building up of hopes (even at a small level) and then the crashing down again. And that is what the love bombing is designed to do.

I am noticing that while I am learning to trust my gut again (and also I am good at picking up on red flags at a conscious level), it is the abusive types who are the most interesting/fun/exciting to be with. It’s interesting that this is the case, despite all the work I have done on myself, how I have raised my self respect, how independent I am etc.

Lx

[Lightness]

It does get easier. At the start we are so vulnerable and we don’t know what to believe anymore (that was my experience anyway). I have met some really lovely men and also some overtly and covertly bad men. As time goes on, and if we put in the work, I think we get much better at trusting our guts, seeing the red flags and also seeing what healthy relationships look like. I’m a far better judge of character now than ever before. People reveal themselves eventually, one way or the other
Lx

[Lightness]

Awesome news xx

[Lightness]

Can I just send a hug to meonscreen. I do understand what you mean about you ex being nice to someone else. BUT, since leaving my ex and have met (on and off line) a scary number of guys who exhibit the behaviours of a predator, like our exes. I can tell you it does not feel like they are being nice, once you work them out. Yes it feels great to receive the flattery and charm, bit once you notice that that is what it is it feels empty. It’s pure manipulation. They don’t change
LX

[Lightness]

I hope you find this news liberating. She will probably be getting all sorts of love bombing now but that will quickly turn to abuse as soon as that contract is signed. It is very sad for the next victim and hopefully the inevitable relationship end won’t be too many years off before the pattern repeats again

Onwards and upwards for you xx

[Lightness]

Thanks fizzylem

That’s really interesting. Sometimes just feels a bit off. He talks as though he is altruistic but and kind but at the same time flatters me, messages a lot and doesn’t feel like a hugely kind and empathic person. I feel I need someone with high empathy
I do wonder if he is a very covert type (as was my ex).
Lx

[Lightness]

Thankyou Tiffany

‘dont put up with anyone who doesn’t make your life significantly better’

I love that! That is my litmus test

We ladies on here ball deserve the best xx

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