StrengthfromAbove

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Trapped, you can request for a transfer from your support worker at the refuge. I’ve just recently did a transfer because the refuge area where I was, I felt I will not have no support since I did not have any family or friends there. In the end I ended up going online & called the DV support in the area where I wanted to move & explained to them that I would like to move to their care because I will have more support there & I passed in their deatails to the refuge support workers where I was before & as luck was in my side. One of their houses was going to be free in two weeks time. Nice part it’s a house, just me & the kids.

The former refuge workers tried to help but in the end, I found myself this refuge by going online & doing some bit of google work. I hope you get all the help & everything get sorted out xx

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Ayanna, you are so write! The council has emailed back stating that my band won’t change & asking me if have I looked into private renting & that their decision is firmly because I have no connection to the area I wanted to move to. I’m now trying to do some research on how housing works. Thanks for the response x

[StrengthfromAbove]

Enafadov, I was once like you fearing that he would take the kids from me but I started talking & seeking help & finally being in a refuge. I realised how weak of a man he was.all he’s crazy tactics were just nothing.Also don’t wait for the kids to grow because that’s when they become emotionally stressed by the whole situation. My young ones have settled better than the big ones here in the refuge. I hope you find courage to leave. Without me worrying about house, I must say it has been nice not walking on eggshells trying to figure out someone’s mood for the day & me & the kids have been driving all over the place visiting friends, eating what we want, watching movies & going to the park. This is just giving me a glimpse of what our future lives will be like. All the best & know we are all cheering for you to find your happiness xx

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks FF & SRF, unfortunately the council has emailed back stating that because I have no connection to the area they will not give us priority. I’m so stressed, my emotions are all over the place. When I left my home, I thought there would be so much help but I guess in reality it’s all so different. I mean how can they give us the last banding.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Brokenputty, thanks for words of encouragement but to be honest I’m feeling so low & lack of support from my key worker is just disheartening. I also call the council where I want to & asked why I have been awarded this band, especially since that I’m in a refuge. I was then told “being in a refuge does not necessarily give you priority banding”. I was then told my application my key worker did was for rehousing & not homelessness. Anyone experienced this?

[StrengthfromAbove]

Oh well, I called the council asking why I was awarded this band & I was told that my application was not for homelessness but rather for rehousing😳. I then told them that I’m homeless because I’m in a refuge but I was then told that being in a refuge doesn’t mean they’ll give me priority & also that I have no connection 😢. It doesn’t look like the council is willing to help me. I really don’t know what to do now.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks ladies for your response. I’ll call the council tomorrow & see what they say. I’m sad really & still think she didn’t put enough information. It’s a shame all she wants is for me to move in this area but all I want is for me & the kids to be where we can have support.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Enafadov, thanks for asking of me. I’m still in a refuge & the kids have settled very well. However, I’m in limbo when it comes to housing. I feel I’m not being listened to. I’m just beginning to regret leaving.

Starryeyed thanks even though it may have took long to acknowledge your support. I appreciate you all but didn’t know that it would be this way

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks KIP, I’ve decided to deactivate my FB account & my babies are all young so there’s no other social media accounts to worry about. So far everything is going ok & sorting out school for them.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thank you all for your supportive words. I kept myself busy today trying to sort the kids clothes & make this place as homely as possible. It’s a self contained unit which makes all the difference.

She-ra I hope you find strength to leave. As have already closed my case because I removed my babies from the horrible situation.

Love of no contact I’m sorry you & your babies had to endure for that long but at the end you finally did it. Xx

I appreciate you all for taking your time to respond as it’s still early days and I’m so worried because I don’t know what he’s next move will be regarding the kids but so far I have stayed no contact & he has sent some of his friends to contact me through FB which I have decided to deactivate for now.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Maddog thank you. Its amazing how much lies can come out from their mouths

[StrengthfromAbove]

I went to the police station to do my statement & I must say it felt like weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have been carrying a lot for a very long time, it felt good to off load everything. Police are trying to help me find a refuge & they have also advised me to go to housing too. They also told me SS will be notified so they can also help me. Honestly, im shaking, thinking too much & mind is all over the place at the moment. Im just about to have my first meal for the day because im breastfeeding but not really hungry. I wish I could have a sign telling me its all gonna be ok.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks Anabela, my husband is also making out he’s not bothered by police as he always say i should call them. But lately seems to be plotting against me.

Ayanna thanks too, i didnt know i could go to their office. ill try sorting that after meeting with the police. i really didnt want it to be like this but my husband has been getting away with maltreating me for a long time. i just want my kids to grow in a good environment where they can be kids that they are.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Oh forgot to say that he took the satelite TV remotes too. Its really hard living in these conditions but as much as im scared to leave. Im beginning to detach myself from him and seeing for who he is. Its truly helping me and thank you so much ladies xxx

[StrengthfromAbove]

Godchild, thank God my neighbours are very nice and have given me their internet password to connect to them. They know how he’s like and have also urged me to seek help. My neighbour even said sid he’s profession, he doesnt deserve it as he can’t treat me like this and get away with it. At the moment im just trying to clear this guilt about spoiling his career but yet again, i dont deserve to be treated like this. He’s made his choice to do these things and i just have to walk away for the sake of kids and i.

Ayanna, i wouldn’t mind going to a refuge but its just to get the courage to do it. Although the aftermath, is also what im dreading as he will paint me a bad picture as he likes to say im irresponsible and i will never take his kids but i know this is not true.

[StrengthfromAbove]

I’m so sorry to hear this BD and you couldn’t be more spot on.

Just today I saw a glimpse of my husband’s behaviour in my oldest son who’s (removed by moderator). It made me so sad but at the same time, just more reason to leave before it’s too late. Hope your son will be alright and keep well dear.

[StrengthfromAbove]

I KNOW KIP

Well I’m not falling for that anymore! I’ve lived isolation for way too long, it’s time for me and my kids to live a happy life. A life without an angry being n like you said KIP, it’s all about control. Thanx dear xx

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Brokedreams, just wanted to give you virtual hug Hun. Just properly read your post and can’t believe what you’ve gone through so much through the hands of your soon to b ex and he’s horrible friends. Know that you’ll get through this n you’ll triumph at the end. Have a speedy recovery n know that you’re not alone. The ladies here love n care for you xxx

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks everyone for all your advise. I have lots of evidence, including pictures n recordings of his outbursts and intimidation towards me, all tucked nicely in my email as he has a habit of breaking my phones, laptop etc.

Since this happened he has not stopped. He has even taken the car keys so I’m unable to drive anywhere I want to go. But I’m tired of this viscous cycle of him taking things from me, because I think it’s his way of controlling me n being my master. So yesterday me n the kids walked to the shops n came back by bus n my kids really enjoyed as we r not allowed to take walks n for my other 2 kids, it was a first time for them being on a bus n they were so happy too.

Well, the response I got was that I’m not a responsible mum😳What if we the kids got runned over while we were walking😳😳😳 From what I know kids like adventures n this was one of them haa! Now he has realised that I was not bothered by him taking the car from me. He now wants the phone he bought me as a present. Really can’t win, I guess he wants to have the last lough.

Brokendreams, the police came dear n hope you’re recovering well Hun. Praying for you. I know the future will be bright, just need to open ourselves to possibilities. Xx

[StrengthfromAbove]

HI Godschild, I’ve called WA before but never followed up with my appointment. I have a lovely neighbour who has also called them on my behalf before.

[StrengthfromAbove]

Also i think my fear is that he knows how to articulate himself well. Also i feel ill be hitting a brick wall as my hubby knows how to take people to court wothout needing a lawyer to represent him n he always wins. I just feel he’ll tear me apart in court over the kids.

[StrengthfromAbove]

At the beginning of the year i was all positive thinking i can leave. I went to my GP n asked for supporting information so i can go and appy for housing. GP wrote a letter and I drove myself to a different council but just couldn’t do it. Why is it so hard to leave??

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks ladies.

I think i have trauma bond with my husband because i feel he’s all i got here. I have no family here in the UK. Have no friends too as he has managed to really seclude me from ever forming any relationship whats ever. Im struggling to finish my degree, can’t find because my confidence is just not there. I sonetimes see myself breaking away from him but i sure don’t have any strength in me.

Police have just been and i told them i felt threatened, thats why i called cos he tried to hit me. They took my children’s details and asked me if i want him to leave the house and i said no, he can stay cos i was already in bed and all is calm no

Well i think i spoke too soon cos he just insulted me now and called me all sorts of names and how unfit i am as a mother. Well talk of a father who doesn’t do anything in this house. When i say nothing, i mean zilch!! Im the one does everything in this house. Bathing kids, cooking, homework, kids activities. All he does is setting rules and regulations in this house picking on everything thats not in line with his so called rules. Im truly drained but hopeful that i will find help for me and my kids to live a happy life.

[StrengthfromAbove]

I’m so sorry brokendreams and hope you have a speedy recovery. I agree with Ayanna, once a man beat you once, he’ll sure do it again. Keep well dear x

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thanks brokendreams and godchild. They’ve not been and it’s been over 2hrs since they called. It’s all quiet now, although I’m just asking myself why can’t I be brave and leave this prison I call home. He will never change and I feel stuck because SS will get involved as all my children are quite young. Also I don’t want him to lose his profession. He really worked hard for it.

[StrengthfromAbove]

I received a callback from the police and they said they are coming to my house because they heard a man and a woman shouting when I tried calling. I’m so scared really don’t want this

[StrengthfromAbove]

Thank you Falling Skys, I will sure start doing that as I’ve also started selling things on ebay and amazon just to have something and not rely on him. I hope I do get a job in my field but years of abuse have taken its toll on me, my confidence is so low I find it even hard to talk to people. Yes you are so right, its never their fault but ours and always being labelled with one mental health condition or the other (bipolar)!!

[StrengthfromAbove]

Ayanna everything is on his name because this is house, my name is not on the house. I think this should make it easy for me to as I’m not tied to any contract. Is that right?

[StrengthfromAbove]

Nayuki that’s exactly what I ahve always referred to myself that “I’m a single married woman”

[StrengthfromAbove]

Ayanna, unfortunately I don’t have proof because I paid cash. Maybe just a record on my bank account of that amount on that particular day we purchase the car. Also I will call all the other services the ladies mentioned so I can get more info on my rights. However, can I ask how long it took to be rehoused so I can plan ahead because I am currently out of work, although I have been looking. Oh n what a surprise, he came to the kitchen whilst I was eating dinner and started complaining about my food and replied him n told him this is how I’m suppose to eat on this diet plan. He’s reply was, “what diet plan”? Really, I mean I’ve lost over 3st since I started and this is what I get. Anyway it doesn’t bother me, cos I know my little ones always tell me “mummy getting slim” and besides, I’m doing it for myself and my children. thank you all.xx

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