Tenerifeseaoth

[Tenerifeseaoth]

It’s tough isn’t it? Thank you so much for your message and sorry to hear you’ve experienced this too.

I am in therapy and they have given me a few things to try and help but nothing seems to be calming them.

Thank you for your kind words and advice. This helps!

I hope you are doing ok!

[Tenerifeseaoth]

I just wanted to say well done. Although this may feel like the worst thing at the moment and like you are questioning if you’ve done the right thing… you absolutely have!

Just like Eggshells said, The non molestation order is a good thing to look into.

This will all feel scary and big and very very overwhelming at times but know that you have done the bravest thing and absolutely the right thing!

Every day will be different but remember why you called the police in the first place and know we are all here to help you try and understand your feelings. Keep posting.

Sending you love and hugs xxx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hey,

I just wanted to write and let you know that you are not alone, even if you may feel so. I often feel bursts of that and its hard to get your head around, especially with everything else you are battling.

I keep telling myself to focus on what’s next, not what’s coming. Try and remember you’ve done the bravest thing by leaving and from here on out know that it will feel worse before it will feel better. One step and one breath at a time and be kind to yourself.

You’ve got support here and we are routing for you!

Sending hugs xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

I can understand this feeling all too well and it’s a hard and confusing feeling to have. I’ve felt like this more recently but you’ve made the right decision to talk it out here and not reach out to him, That’s brave in itself and something you should be proud of. The no contact is the best thing, not easy but the best.

I am with Scarecrow and KIP, Trauma bond is worth looking into. I have spent a little bit of time looking into it, just to try and see how this might help me make sense of how i’m feeling and it’s helped. I have also written things down too, a timeline as such, and it helps to get things in black and white in front of you and help process them and understand why you left in the first place.

You will spend time going back and forth but you are on the right path, you’ve done the hardest thing by leaving and now it’s time for you to start to heal. Every day will be different, some will be harder than others, Be kind to yourself and trust that things will be ok. Reach out to us here or maybe your local womens aid support? They will be able to offer support and give you an outlet.

I was once told by a professional that a break up/loss is a grieving process. At the start, the grief consumes you, it is present in every thing you do and think, you are consumed by it (it fills your body). Overtime the grief you are carrying starts to fall into your everyday, The grief will never disappear completely, it will just become more manageable as life gets bigger around it (it only fills half your body). As life gets bigger, the grief starts to shrink, It will always be present in your body, (think of it as the size of your fist), but new life expands around it. New adventures and memories build space for a future of happiness and healing. You will always have that grief, you’ve experienced it, but you can carry it and still be happy, it doesn’t have to consume you anymore.

Allow yourself time to feel the things you are feeling, They are ok.

Keep talking and take care.

Sending hugs xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi,

I am in the exact same position as you right now and am feeling the same emotions. I had a conversation with some support (professional) recently and they explained the feelings of caring for him still even after everything he has done is called a trauma bond and it will get easier as the distant stays.

I was terrified when I reported it that I wouldn’t be believed (still feel that way) and it would be is word against mine but at the end of the day, you know what happened and if you believe it was wrong, it was. The police are there to protect you and you reporting it is the first step to you moving forward and healing.

The next few weeks/months will be the hardest and scariest but please stick with it. You don’t need to deal with this alone, support is around (here). Do you have a good support system in place around you in general?

Please take care and reach out, talking through it and knowing you aren’t alone, helps. xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

If I’m honest, no I didn’t. There were times when he did make me feel loved but If I really think about it, I felt less than.

It makes sense when I read it like that but trying to get my head around it all is proving quite difficult.

He was arrested (removed by moderator) and has been released on bail, Under the conditions he does not contact me, a third party involved with me or come near me and the investigation will carry on from here.

It’s all a bit of a rollercoaster and very overwhelming. I’m trying to figure out what means what and why I’m feeling so awful about having reported it in the first place.

The crazy thing is, I did and do love him. But my view on love is and seems to be different to his view.

Thank you for you advice and support 🧡

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you for your support HFH, it means a lot.

I have spoken to the police now. I understand your concerns and really do appreciate it, they aren’t together anymore and I am careful with what I say and disclose, trust doesn’t come easy these days I guess.

I’m feeling flat but trying to work through it.

Thank you again. Sending love,
TSO xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi there!

Thank you for your message and understanding. It means so much. I’m sorry to hear things are hard for you also. Keep talking on here!

Sending love your way and one step at a time x

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your message and kind words. I’m doing my very best to focus on me but it’s proving hard, but I’m trying.

I have reached out to my local support but thank you for the recommendation.

It’s hard to put into words but I’m thankful for your message.

Take care,
Xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi,

Thank you for your message. I’m so sorry to hear you have experienced the same kind of thing, Its a crap feeling isn’t it? I think with that and the fact it hasn’t even been that long is causing some unsteady feelings. I feel just a little bit all over the place with it all.

I worry about her and that’s playing on my mind also. He is calling me and his ex ‘crazy’, and I know that me saying anything to his new girlfriend will only strengthen those claims and I’m just unsure of what to do.

I am so sorry to hear you have felt and gone through similar things with that too and I hope that you are out of the other side of that now? I haven’t yet, but I am thinking about it… I can’t seen to get him out of my head and it’s just taking over.

Thank you for your kind words.
Sending hugs and hope you are ok also xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi,

Thank you for your message and advice. It means a lot and I will try and find something that allows me to have a few moments peace amongst the chaos.

I hope you are ok.

Hugs x

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi ts,

Thank you so much for your reply.

To have support and to be listened too. I’m not quite sure how to get past this feeling or this part. I feel like I see him everywhere, but I’m scared to see him also. If it’s not his face I see, then it’s his car or his name. I don’t know what to do. He’s everywhere when I’m awake and everywhere when I’m asleep. I just can’t escape him or this. I feel like I’m going crazy. I can barely concentrate on anything and just finding the words is really hard.

I’m trying really hard to be kind to myself but I feel like I’m going backwards, fast. I’m so sorry you can relate to the sleep side of things, it’s so hard isn’t it?

Thank you for your kind words and I’m glad to have somewhere I can talk freely.

Sending love,
xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you Eggshells.

Sending love xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi twisted sister,

That absolutely is it. Feeling like you have betrayed them for doing this and it can be and can get very heavy. It feels like those feelings are taking me backwards. The mix really is hard to work through but I’m trying.

As hard as it is to remember and go over, I keep trying to remind myself of the things he’s done in order to tell myself I’ve done the right thing.

You really are right.

Thank you. Your message has helped!

Xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you so much for your message. It means the world.

Take care,
X

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hey bananaboat,

Your message means so much and thank you for your kind words and support.

I’m sorry to hear you have bad days too but I can understand exactly where you are on those good and bad days. It’s a rollercoaster isn’t it.

I hadn’t thought of it like that and it absolutely is a break up. Thank you so much.

This has helped! And that metaphor is perfect.

Thank you again! I hope you are doing ok and I’m sending love x

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi PositiveMentalAttitude,

Thank you for your reply and your support and understanding, it means a lot.

I hope you are doing ok. Sending love, peace and inner strength back xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your kind words and acknowledgment. It means a lot xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Tiredanddrained,

Im so sorry you are feeling this way too. Its a horrible place to be and a horrible way to feel also. It’s a proper rollercoaster huh?

It’s a long process but please remember you have done the right thing. I know its hard to believe right now but as Twisted sister said above, His behaviour won’t stop and its that behaviour that has lead you to report it and be where you are.

Keep fighting, you are brave and even though it seems dark at the moment, there will be light.

sending hugs xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Twisted sister,

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. They really have helped and they mean a lot.

I hope you are doing ok.

Warmest wishes right back.

xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through his too. It’s a rough Ride huh?

I felt and still feel the same, second guessing and struggling to understand what has happened, it’s hard and confusing but reading things on here, I agree, you realise you aren’t alone and what has happened isn’t ok.

I am worried about what will happen to him and I spend time wondering if he is ok (no contact), it’s the not knowing that is hard. Trying to get used to the quiet I guess.

Looking up trauma bonding may help, I have spent some time doing this and its helped me, might be worth ago.

Of course, the same goes for you.

Please take care and thank you for your message.

Hugs x

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you so much for your reply. It really is a rollercoaster isn’t it?

I have and it’s a scary thing to feel and have. Some days most definitely are worse than others. Well done for staying strong!

It will take a minute to catch up I guess.

Thank you again. Hugs xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

It’s the worst feeling. Today/this evening has been horrible, that feeling in the pit of your stomach, it just won’t shift, but I guess I need to keep telling myself that it will take time.

I know you are absolutely right, but I guess my mind is just going to the worst places and playing tricks. It’s the not knowing what’s next that’s scary. The self blame is horrible and it takes over. The things you tell yourself or talk your self in or out of because you feel to blame is the worst. It’s exhausting.

Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that. I’m glad it’s done but it will take a while for me to understand the emotions that have followed.

I do miss those things, it’s confusing. It’s and endless cycle, I think of the things I miss and then to stop that, I think of the things he did.

One step at a time. Thank you so much for your kind words and help. I hope you are doing ok.

Be kind to yourself too and sending hugs right back xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you for your reply. This helps a lot.

It’s all hard to get your head around and understand but one step at a time I guess.

It really does suck and I’m sorry you’ve had to battle those feelings too. Your doing amazing and well done for getting out! None of it is easy! Hang in there too.

Sending love ❤️

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your reply. There has definitely been some confusion and uncertainty created because of it. I’ve spent the day trying to work through it and wonder what the next step should be.

I’ve had a few conversations with family/friends to help talk through it. If I think about it without his feelings involved, I know I need to proceed and I have informed the police I’d like to do so.

It’s all a very scary process, with a massive rollercoaster of emotions. I am in the process of getting support from a domestic abuse service (waiting list).

Thank you,
Take care,
(Detail removed by moderator)

[Tenerifeseaoth]

It will be very up and down for a while but trust that it will be ok. That trauma bond is hard to live without (I get it, and it’s an overwhelming feeling), but keep telling yourself you are doing what is right for YOU and also ask yourself if the things he has done are ok? You deserve better. The fear of other people knowing the full extent of everything is confusing but normal I think. It’s hard to explain why you feel that way but those around you who are your support system will listen to you, it might help to talk.

But we are Support over message if you need to talk also, talking to people who understand might help ease the weight.

Sending hugs and hoping you are doing ok xx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

Thank you so much for your reply.

The confusion is the hardest part, the questioning, the why’s and the doubting. It’s hard to wrap your head around and understand, let alone explain.

I haven’t been in contact for a little over (detail removed by moderator) (minus the (detail removed by moderator) from him), Nothing he has sent me has been replied to and It’s been extremely hard. He seems to know what to say to try and get a response. But I haven’t Looked at the (detail removed by moderator) either and have deleted the app to avoid logging back on.

Well done for getting out and staying out. That’s the hardest bit. It took me a long time to get to this point and I can appreciate how hard it can be and has been. You are very brave and strong, especially for getting rid of the wedding album and not looking at ‘happy times’.

I have support in place. I hope you do too? xxx

[Tenerifeseaoth]

You are brave. Believe that.

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