Wispatea

[Wispatea]

I have reported it. He is blocked in all ways but using our children…

I have read the freedom program book and feel I may benefit from the actual group so will do this asap.
But then on the other hand am I just over reacting.. sorry xx

[Wispatea]

He has just sent a message via (detail removed by Moderator) ggggrrrrr. He knows he is not allowed to contact me. (detail removed by Moderator)

[Wispatea]

I just want to say well done keep strong you are doing amazing. I am some distance out of a controlling abusive relationship and unfortunately I still get the doubt. although with each day it does get easier. reach out and talk to everyone you can they are so understanding and helpful and have definitely been a mess for me not to go back because I am not gonna lie its hard but it is so worth it xxx

[Wispatea]

He is in another (happy) relationship and has been for a considerable time. We have had no contact for around half of that time. He was suing us both at the same time she was not the first. I know time details will be taken out. We do have children but he doesn’t really see them. He is also stalling on the divorce and financial stuff. I know its to get a reaction but I won’t do it as much as I want to I won’t let him control me again. Well that’s how I feel right now. I spoke to our local DV charity as I know I was feeling vulnerable.

They are aware but says I will be liable and they will send around debt collectors… It was an exciting account which he accessed and extended in (detail removed by Moderator).

[Wispatea]

In have firm boundaries we do use a third party for contact but I am now having panic attacks when they contact me. I feel so weak and ridiculous. I am getting legal aid as he has admitted violence. I was getting support from our local victim support but as my risk is now lower apparently I no longer need support. I am waiting for CBT.
And this pull to just talk to him is ever present maybe I am over reacting or maybe I am the abusive one just like he claimed. Especially as he is now living (happily) with someone else. There was a definite cross over in our relationships.
I know I cannot pout times in but it has been really long time and nothing seems to change for me xxx
Thank you for replying and sorry I know I go on I just can’t seem to get out of this confused state. xxx

[Wispatea]

Sorry but after years of being with someone who blamed their behaviours on their mental health I have to say this would be me saying goodbye. I now also have the same mental health condition due to his abuse and needless to say I don’t get aggressive or hit anyone… sorry again mental health is no reason for anger and violence or near violence.

[Wispatea]

Thank you. This self doubt is crippling and all the processes are so long it just drags it all out. xx

[Wispatea]

Hi, Thank you. He honestly didn’t have any relationships before me that he ever spoke about. He said his longest was 6 months. But never said a name or anything. (detail removed by moderator) I believe he does have it he defiantly seemed to use it to control me. He also had many affairs before his diagnosis. I just didn’t know about them. ~It is def not so present in his life now but his new tactic as I said above is blaming me for the abuse.

[Wispatea]

I write no longer at this address on letters and repost. We are also completely no contact. Only though solicitors and an order I tried everything you did but he just ignored or pushed more. I was too weak to say no.

[Wispatea]

wow this is giving me so many anxious thoughts. I want to tell you to walk away as quickly as possible. My ex has a severe mental health condition and used it for years to control me and as an excuse for his behaviours. It has taken me a long time but I now know that using his mental health like this is not acceptable and I would never accept it again. Sorry I know this is harsh but we are already vulnerable being on here and I don’t want you to get hurt again.

[Wispatea]

We have children together so will always be something I guess. However, we are no contact…

[Wispatea]

Thank you. I put above how and it was removed. It seems harmless but it really is not.

[Wispatea]

Yes, This. I think this is what keeps me in my own cycle as I am so scared of his or others cycles.

Take care and know you are not alone. xx

[Wispatea]

Thank you. I feel like I won’t ever be rid of him. His girlfriend has been warned…

[Wispatea]

We have no contact this is through other avenues…He is with someone else and I am having therapy. This just sent me into a complete spiral.

[Wispatea]

You literally tap on the link that was sent through and it will connect you.

[Wispatea]

Blocked – feel guilty he will use it against me as I do it quite often…

[Wispatea]

Thank you wonderful people. I know what you are saying and yes its exactly what I would say to others but my bloody heart aches… xxx thank you all xxx

[Wispatea]

In the past he has always reached out to me and I have been the one to ignore and be mad. This time why is it so different? sorry just writing what pops into my head. I suppose it helps????

[Wispatea]

Thank you. Everyone. I know I need to block him but how do you get over that need/want/craving for them to contact you even though deep down you don’t want it?

[Wispatea]

I just went upstairs determined to block him again but I can’t. I am hopeful I will be stronger later. He ignored my last text but I know his pattern he will answer in a while…and I know eventually he will be nice… its the way it always is. Thank you for listening xxx xxxx

[Wispatea]

he was very cold and mean.

[Wispatea]

I did it I text him. 🙁 we have had a conversation. Now I am beating myself up and regretting it but finding it hard to block him again…

[Wispatea]

Hi Apricot,

Thank you for sharing, I can truly relate to what you have said and it often sends me in a spiral. coming here and seeing this has helped. Although I hate that others are also going through this it helps me from going crazy and stops me going back. I am a way down my journey but his recent attempt at control/sabotage/abuse has brought the feelings to the forefront.
I really hope you find the peace you are looking for xxx

[Wispatea]

We have children so he contacts them. He is also sending pointless letters through legal channels. Our youngest cannot read so I end u p reading the y=texts. He is (detail removed by Moderator) but severely dyslexic. He is blocked on everything. I don’t reply to the digs and the legal stuff my solicitor does but it so draining xx

[Wispatea]

thank you I hope it has got better xxx

[Wispatea]

Thank you. I know all this I really do. I also know all the technical terms and could talk about it all with a professional. I just cannot I think accept it is happening to me. I know he’s been on dating websites and cheated on her since they have been together. She was well primed with the dates and what to say when I asked her. He has defiantly done a number on her. He told her I was abusive he also got help from a mens abuse charity. All I have ever done is love him tried to protect him and tried to keep him alive… I always put him first in everything. I think that is what hurts the most. Yet he just upped and walked away and has a new life with completely new family. Although, I think we would still be in the whole cycle and me being the side chick if I hadn’t put a stop to it.

[Wispatea]

We have no contact this is through other avenues…He is with someone else and I am having therapy. This just sent me into a complete spiral.

[Wispatea]

Hi, this makes so much sense. It’s hard as I haven’t been the one to break it before so kicking myself. He was so cold and so harsh, The complete opposite to what I have been like when I have got the I am sorry, I am doing therapy, thank you for dropping the charges against me. I know its all a game xx

[Wispatea]

Thank you. That’s a great explanation. I am watching lots at the moment specifically around the trauma bond. What is crazy is I know all of it but relating it to me is really hard. xx

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