Bettertimesahead

[Bettertimesahead]

When he first went I thought I’ll wait a year , he will get help. We can talk and he will be sober. In that year he committed (detail removed by Moderator) more offences against me and my adult kids. After the (detail removed by Moderator) one I emailed my solicitor and said start divorce proceedings. Had decree nisi done. It still felt too soon . He then went on to commit a (detail removed by Moderator) offence and I was done. It’s difficult and took me months to block him but I’ve never once regretted it. He still continues with his vile behaviour and still not accepted he’s lost control of me . Hopefully this year I’ll get financial resolution and the last connection is cut . Take care xx

[Bettertimesahead]

I so get this. Over 3 years and numerous criminal and family court hearings and still not got to the end. Scared as my restraining order ends soon and potentially he could come back to the house as we have not sorted finances yet.(detail removed by moderator) I hadn’t been on here for months and thought I was coping but today I am just scared and tired. And angry that people see me and think everything is sorted and I’m all fine and I’m not. I’m sad, and I’m scared and tired of courts and solicitors and of being in limbo. I do stuff because I should but I could easily just hide away. I’m lonely and I’m selfish as I resent other people’s lives. Just want closure

[Bettertimesahead]

The ncdv came help you get an urgent non molestation and occupation order. My ex was arrested at our house and they were so helpful

[Bettertimesahead]

Mine would say things like he would leave me tied up in bed and just come and have sex when he wanted. He even mentioned sex if I was dead. After we’d split he texted about meeting in a layby or going on one last holiday together. Sick

[Bettertimesahead]

I was in a similar situation with my ex few years ago. As time went on and I didn’t back down his true colours really came out. Made me realise that my pity was misplaced, his choices had put him out on the street , not mine. It’s still not easy but never regret reporting. I did every time he broke conditions. In all the texts and messages he never once acknowledged his actions , apologised or showed remorse. It will get easier, stay strong

[Bettertimesahead]

To start healing you need to be no contact. Need to block him on everything, phone, social media, email. It’s hard but it’s so important. Until you do he’s still got control and still trying to manipulate you. Have you had support or counseling?

[Bettertimesahead]

My ex was alcoholic too. I stayed way too long. Took me about (detail removed by Moderator) after we separated before I could block him on the phone, longer on social media. But I did and it made it easier.
No contact now except via solicitors. Even that’s difficult for me but his responses show he hadn’t changed, still same ideas of entitlement, playing the victim etc.
Alcohol is is horrible but my ex chose not to accept help and chose it over us.
You will get to a stage where it’s easier. Take care

[Bettertimesahead]

Mine did it too. Would swear he’d not been drinking but would reek of it. Got all defensive if I called him out on it. Said I knew he drank when I married him. Yes but a couple of pints a weekend , not to oblivion every night! Then blamed me for nagging when he was so wonderful for cutting down his alcohol. Load of tosh, was drinking more than ever.
Since he left he’s used every excuse and reason to explain his behaviour and to show how it’s not his fault.
Except it is!

[Bettertimesahead]

I did a statement over the phone on a booked timeslot. Within 24hrs or so they emailed the statement to me in the correct format for court. They gave me an email address for court and what to put in email. The address they gave was wrong court but I got the correct one. The initial orders were granted then I had to get papers served on him. That bit was tricky. Had to fill in bailiff risk assessment form too. (detail removed by Moderator) That’s when I paid a private company who were very efficient. They physically served the papers, emailed me evidence which I sent to court. At next hearing I was granted the orders for (detail removed by Moderator). I renewed them myself via court, similar process and they were granted for (detail removed by Moderator). Renewal form on government website. I now have a court issued restraining order.
(detail removed by Moderator) They were virtual but judge said I could leave camera off.

[Bettertimesahead]

I didn’t get charged at all. They will only do initial one I believe, not a renewal but I’m sure I didn’t get charged. The website states it’s free for an emergency order? To be honest it was all a blur as police referred me and it was the first time I actually clicked what had been happening

[Bettertimesahead]

NCDV will support I helping you write a statement for a non moland occupation order. I was referred to them by police. It was in (detail removed by moderator) . I did a statement with ncdv over phone, they worded it for me , emailed it and told me how to submit to court.
Mine were granted as urgent then reviewed at a virtual hearing 6 weeks later. The orders do have to be served . The court has bailiffs but I paid a private firm due to backlog in court.it was £120
To renew I did myself , it’s a shorter form and I based it on my previous statement.The judge that granted mine actually advised me to renew before it runs out as it’s easier

[Bettertimesahead]

Mine used to say he was cutting down, I accepted it for awhile , probably because I couldn’t face the truth or deal with the conflict. Then it became more obvious he wasn’t cutting down, in fact the drinking was escalating.
The final straw was him drinking (detail removed by moderator) and then denying it. I told him to go and we had (detail removed by moderator) of hell ending up with him being arrested.
It was not easy , he committed further offences , breached bail etc. Took all my strength to go total no contact. I’m divorced now but still not totally free as in process of sorting finances and he’s still trying to manipulate but I’m stronger now. I still have moments where he is in my head, took months for me to block him on social media etc but even with all the stress I’m still in a much better place

[Bettertimesahead]

I had (removed by moderator) months off work, my marriage ended v suddenly and with police involvement so matters were really taken out of my hands. I told work my marriage had been abusive and ended. I had good support and I was pleased they knew as there were more incidents. Ncdv helped me get a non molestation order. To mutual friends etc I was and still am to some extent careful what I said. Just said he’d made some very unfortunate life choices and we were separated.

[Bettertimesahead]

This sounds very similar. We had an episode like this and then things escalated. About 2 months after I asked him to leave . He did but came back and forth for (detail removed by Moderator) days until after final incident got the police involved. I had started like you getting stronger and not pandering to him. It’s hard when you start to realise how bad things had got.
You are doing the right thing and you and your children deserve to live a life not in fear

[Bettertimesahead]

Mine used to (detail removed by moderator) missed chances for sex etc
And the camera was ever present

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