Blondexxxx

[Blondexxxx]

Hi hun I read your post and I just want to say I know exactly how you feel.

Iv been with my partner for (removed by moderator) years, we have a child together.

He is exactly the same, he was drinking every weekend and turned paranoid, accusing me of everything from now being at work, to sleeping with the guy from a (removed by moderator) shop, even saying he thought I was an escort (removed by moderator)! I don’t even go out on nights out, I am forever witj the kids or at work. It was all in his head!

I forever felt depressed and if I went somewhere I would panic I was ages or he would accuse me.

I honestly never understood what type of girlfriend he wanted, I always look after myself keep the kids well drsssed I work, I don’t drink myself or go out partying.

But NOTHING you do is ever good enough. My partner complains about the way I wash the clothes, tidy up, if something Goes wrong it’s always my fault.

Like your ex partner he once left me for someone else, I was living in the same house and he all of a sudden ended things, made me feel worthless why wasn’t I good enough.

I couldn’t eat or sleep, I felt sick but then also I felt he enjoyed seeing me so upset!!

This girl turned out to be someone to do with work, she was (removed by moderator) so it wasn’t some young girl with no responsibility who I thought he would go for.
He told me she made him happy and laugh as we was always arguing!!

Well we wouldn’t Have argued if he wasn’t the way he was.

I like you felt like my whole world turned up side down, I went to live with my mum for a while then got my own house and it was hard, I felt I had no patience I couldn’t go to work, I couldn’t wait for bed time to come around so I could just forget the world and sleep. Half the time I couldn’t sleep but just to be led in the dark and not have anyone try speak to me.

I spent ages just feeling sorry for myself and wondering why he wanted her over me.

It was about a month and he then started trying to come back, asking to talk, said he felt awful and he had called things off with this girl.
Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to be on his own.

I slowly gave in, it was nice just to have him back, have him there at night time again, and he was being so nice.

But then he started being off with me again, I would phone him and he would act like I was hassling him, as if why was I phoning him.

It started to make me feel really crap again, and all those emotions started coming back.
I then found out he was back messaging the girl and told her the only reason he contacted me was to do with our child!

I ended up speaking to her and told her everything and he actually denied it all and told her I was crazy. So he thought of her feelings over mine!
Which made me feel even more sick!

I was back to where I was months ago, crying, not sleeping etc because I let him back into my life.

I wasn’t running around singing and happy in the few weeks I was getting over things but I started to learn to be by myself and not worry about someone controlling me/.

All my friends couldn’t understand what I saw in him, my family friends all hated him. But I felt like the only person (him) who brought me down was the only person who could bring me back up again.

Anyway this girl must of gave him another chance but then didn’t work out again!! She obviously saw what a liar he was! And the way he was treating me as well she even said to me you shouldn’t let him speak to you the way he does!

It never lasted and he was the same person. Maybe because he didn’t like the fact I didn’t care so he wanted to price to himself he could get me back, it’s all about the control.

I stupidly forgave him again and left the home I had got and moved back in with him.

It was the biggest mistake of my life! Iv spent the last (removed by moderator) years living the same life, being accused, being paranoid about me, shouting at me calling me names etc.

He has asked me to get out of his house about ten times and constantly tells me didn’t want to be together.

Hes emotional drained me.
If I had just been strong enough before I felt I would have been in a better place by now.

All I’m saying is I know it feels awful, but they never change even if you get them back, they become worse as they lose any respect for you.

My partner now has told me it’s over, he’s even stopped drinking and going the gym every night eating healthy etc. it’s the same pattern he did before when was someone else. He said he wants me to leave, said we don’t get on etc

He’s been sleeping on the sofa ans coming home late. I felt sick!! I cried so many times but it got me no where.
I can’t change what he’s doing and he will never admit it.

So I acted not bothered ans this time around I kept myself busy and doing things with the kids ans my friends!
I stated to feel stronger ans then tried to find myself somewhere else to live.

Then again! It was his (removed by moderator|) so I offered to go out for a meal all together! Since then he’s been coming (removed by moderator), bavk sleeping in the bed, just generally being really nice again. He made ne miss the kids side of him
I could feel myself feeling slightly happy again!

Then all of a sudden started acting weird with me again, I phoned him from work and he said what? I said oh just on my lunch, he said al why you ringing me??

I felt sick again!! That horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach! What did he mean why am I ringing him! He’s been playing happy families again ans been phoning me all week during the day!

I sent him a text asking why he was being off and he said what do you want me to say, I was just being civil for the kids because it was my birthday! Nothing more!!

Then I got upset! I said how dare you use me! We’ll be Turned it around on me said I was playing the victim this is why we don’t get on!
Started saying he never cared about me etc

I honestly feel so angry and upset!! With myself!
For thinking and believeinf that being with him would make me happy again!

It’s only made me worse!

They never change, just because your partner has moved on, what I always thought on my head was they may change for this person! But they can’t
My ex will have a drink one day again, and turn into his weird self.
His anger issues will never go away and the other girl will soon be you!

My partner ex said to me once he sent her to a dark place and she never ever wants to feels like that again! She was with him for (removed by moderator) years!
They have a child together and she didn’t say this to be bitter, she actually is so happy now she’s getting married has a good business her own home.

She said at one point her mum had to drag her off the floor she was that ill because of him! Spent weeks in her desssing gown not eating or sleeping.

What iv learned and I can’t really give anyone advice because I am the same as you I feel like I need that person. But what I have learned is it’s about control! If you start to act not bothered! Don’t show him you’re bothered!
He will hate it!

It’s not you, it’s him! And his relationship could last a while as the girl like you will start to feel weak and feel like she needs him to be happy!

But you can be happy without him! Going back just kills your soul.

I felt ok until I gave him those other chances and today I’m ringing in sick at work, led in bed, crying and angry with myself!

Don’t let him being you down xxx

[Blondexxxx]

You’re right I know it will break my heart but I need to go.
He has told me to get out once again with the kids even though he knows I have no where to go.

I just need to shock him and actually leave xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thank you for the reply 🙂
I will download the book I have been trying to google his behaviour for a while.

Another thing I worry about is last time I left he tried to take me to court for 50/50 access to our son.
He never does anything for him, he pays me nothing towards his clothes his food his school activities etc I don’t think he’s ever been taken to school by his dad or even picked him yet all of a sudden he was saying I will get access to him 50-50 and we will see who’s undermining me then ( apparently I undermine him)

It’s more a case of it’s 9 at night and il say no to sweets but he will say yes.

You’re absolutely right when you say about the cheating, even if he’s not he’s trying to make out he is to hurt me but why would you even want to do that.
The minute I mention it he calls me crazy and says things like see what I mean.

I tried to talk to him in the week once the other day and I said what’s going on and he got his phone out and started filming me saying look leave me alone you’re harassing me ?!
I wasn’t even nasty or shouting i fact I never stand up to him.

It was like he was trying to make me look bad. But I didn’t even do anything!

Just like the reason he has fallen out with me now there was nothing I feel I did wrong at all.

But no matter what i do in his head I can’t reason with him.

I dread coming home as I feel sick as he just sits there not speaking and the atmosphere is awful.
He’s acting like he’s mr changed man now he isn’t drinking or taking drugs or gambling, but his nastiness is still the same so I think it’s just him as a person.

[Blondexxxx]

My ex is doing exactly the same,
We have been split up for about (detail removed by moderator)
He’s juat gone back on social media and instantly changed his cover photo to our son then had him for a few hours and posted a photo with him on straight away
Then girls were all love hearting it. Iv decided to not look again xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou so much for your messages it means a lot xxx

I’m really struggling today, my ex ended up back on social media and he’s love hearting girls photos and trying to get attention himself
Iv not reacted at all. He’s just setting out to hurt me now bevause I kissed someone ( we aren’t even together) I am not interested in anyone I just haven’t had attention in (detail removed by moderator) and Iv felt so down lately

On (detail removed by moderator) he ended up unblocking me and asked if he could come pick our son up and take him out for a few hours.
He’s meant to be taking me to a solicitors over it all about fifty percent access.

I agreed just to be civil but then he ended up coming back with him later with takeaway and he came in the house and led in the sofa yet didn’t speak one word to me?!
Then when (detail removed by moderator) had finished he told our child he was going.
He never spoke about custody or what was happening
Never spoke one word to me

Then he left and I looked at my phone and he blocked me again???

I’m left feeling worse than I did when I saw he was love hearting girls stuff
That didn’t actually bother me as much as I thought let him get on with it.

But the fact he came into my home, didn’t skews to me then left and blocked me

Made me feel awful about myself again. Like did he expect me to want to speak to him or did I look bad so he thought I don’t want to even see her again.

He then sent me a message today wnd blocked me straight after telling me to get on with my life now and he would of loved nothing more than to of stayed and (detail removed by moderator) ( I didn’t ask him to even do this?) but it wasn’t fair on anyone and it’s for the best we don’t speak again.

I haven’t even tried getting back with him.

I’m speaking to so many different helplines and reading books to help me get through why he does what he does but I’m left feeling worse like because I kissed someone now he’s out to hurt me.

But he hasn’t even spoke to me for weeks or even tried to sort things out.

He told me he’s a new free man now he doesn’t drink take drugs or gamble but he hasn’t got help for any of his addictions he just went to live with his parents!

I just feel really down like why even come to my house or (detail removed by moderator) last week!

[Blondexxxx]

Hope your ok xx

[Blondexxxx]

Sometimes we will hope and pray they will change because we love them

But what you begin to realise it’s not because of you they behave like this it’s bevause it’s in them to be that person

[Blondexxxx]

Hope you ok, I remember when I had to do that, twice, I went back after the first time then it happened again.

Packing all your things from a home you shared memories is so heartbreaking, but it is another step towards closure.

Keep strong xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou so much to both of you for your replies xxx 😘

You honestly help me so much knowing I’m not alone in all of this xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Yeah that’s the worse thing because he’s the one who was messaging me so then when I replied he would say don’t contact me at the end of the message but then I couldn’t help myself.

He’s living with his mum and and she told me (detail removed by moderator) she’s monitoring his alcohol addiction but I don’t think she believes me how bad his drugs are or the alcohol as she said(detail removed by moderator) and that’s when I got abuse at (detail removed by moderator) so I knew he was drinking still.

He then went down on (detail removed by moderator)  and was drinking (detail removed by moderator)  as I for abuse (detail removed by moderator) as well.

I simply suggested that if his mums has our son (detail removed by moderator) anyway in the day whilst I’m working
He could have him up there one day (detail removed by moderator)

I wish I never suggested it but he was bullying me telling me he was taking me to court if I didn’t agree (detail removed by moderator) access! And I’m worried how I will prove his behaviour 🙁 what If they gave him access because of the home his mum lives in (detail removed by moderator). But then he won’t be living there forever
He needs professional help and when I said that in the email he said(detail removed by moderator).

I did miss him but I actually hate him I feel like no matter what I do he’s out to punish me.

[Blondexxxx]

Sending more emails (detail removed by moderator)

[Blondexxxx]

What do you mean hun?

I feel lost without him but I’m still getting the abuse I got when together he thinks I’m seeing someone else he said it’s my fault I made him feel like this

He’s put weight on during lock down and has really low self asteem but then when we aren’t together he’s running around like some happy single guy!

The drinking and the drugs really ground me down as he would just stay up all night and then be rough all day the next day

He would be needy then and be nice but then a day or two later he would (removed by moderator) being moody and horrible and probably just walk around ignoring me

I really just don’t know what to do anymore

[Blondexxxx]

I text work telling them I’m feeling sick and I have really bad anxiety
Iv told a few of the nurses how I’m feeling

I literally just want to lie in bed and cry 🙁

I don’t want to lose my job I spoke to my doctor who said happy to give me a note for a week off

Everyone keeps saying he does this all the time don’t worry about it he’s not worth it but it’s not as easy as that

Also he says the same he was bullied, was left out etc yet when I spoke to his mum (detail removed by moderator)

She text me (detail removed by moderator)
Basically hiding behind his mum, he has me on block
I’m feeling like Iv done something wrong and feel so ill and drained and he’s at his mums loving life no responsibility and our son keeps saying what time is daddy coming home 🙁

[Blondexxxx]

Aww that’s the book I’m reading it really does make sense to everything he says to me
Blames his behaviour on being left (detail removed by moderator)
Yet his mum is who he relays on now for everything, money, his clothing, his car, now where he is staying

His mum said she did (detail removed by moderator) but he was well looked after and spoilt and wasn’t neglected like he told me

I never take advise I have been with him for (detail removed by moderator) and it’s always been him walking away from me making up excuses he was t happy and just leaving me with our son but then we always sort things out but this time I got my own house and he went to his mums but then started living with me and now he’s left again I just feel sick
Why can’t he just accept I’m not cheating but then if he’s just making up an excuse

It hurts so much because then there is nothing I can do
He is blaming it on the fact I recorded him now saying (detail removed by moderator), then said because he (detail removed by moderator) I owed him money back for it

I ended up just sending the money yewyeday through his bank
He didn’t unblock me or say thank you or anything but at least I can’t be accused of owing him money x

Just feel so lost but can’t go into work because I keep crying 🙁 thought it might help but the thought is making me feel like I cant breathe

Feel safer being at home but then just over think 🙁 x

[Blondexxxx]

Yeah I googled trauma bonding Iv never heard of it before until now, it’s exactly how I feel and what I’m going through!

Iv bought a book on google which is helping me at night, I just keep crying thinking of the good things and maybe shouldn’t of done this or that

It keeps playing over in my head when he said it’s All my fault, I shouldn’t of done this or I shouldn’t of done that

But if I sat there and wrote the things down he did then stuff I did is so childish like (detail removed by moderator)
Yet he gambles all his money, takes drugs and drinks all the time, he’s even (detail removed by moderator) but he did pay me back the next day but still!

I just feel so low about myself, he’s gained weight and says why would I be interested in him anymore but I don’t even think like that I loved him no matter what

It’s like I’m made to feel guilty for looking after myself my hair my eyebrows etc he says it’s for someone else!
🙁 just don’t know how I even can sleep tonight I am just a mess xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thanks everyone, I will read the other posts, I know I keep thinking to myself why did he stay in the house with me when he could go live back with his mum if he thought I was cheating and his exacta words where
I’m only here so I can see my son, I’m using you
😭😭😭

Juat led here crying I haven’t moved all day, my friend brought me so flowers as I kept crying down the phone xx

He won’t be feeling sad he will be all happy he’s got no responsibility at all xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Do women’s aid help you to talk or is it juat if your going to be made homeless?

I know he took most of his things and luckily he doesn’t have a key to my house but he left some clothes that cost money so I know il probably get a text off him or his mum sayinf can I please leave them outside

Iv already put them all in a bin bag I want to just throw them out but isn’t it sad I don’t even have the guts to do that 🙁

What your saying is true in every way, I feel iv been through so much with him it’s normal for me to think this is normal, all I kept saying yesterday was I feel really bad that he did try and clean up when I got home or made my tea
My friends were like but that’s normal he should be doing that if your at work all day and he isn’t
Don’t keep thinking of the good things

I’m just so drained at why he thinks I’m having an affair when I don’t even go anywhere but to work
I am not allowed social media and came off everything because of anyone liked my stuff I would get so much abuse about it

We split up before as he accused me of seeing (detail removed by moderator)
Even he has laughed it off and cut contact with him as (detail removed by moderator) find it hilarious when I told them but obviously for me it’s not as he seriously got it in his head then split up with me it was all in his paranoid mind

This is why I don’t know what he needs, is it just his insecurity or does he need help with the drug use

I just give up trying to prove myself I feel so unwell today I don’t even want to go into work tomorrow 🙁 x

[Blondexxxx]

Please don’t feel anything is your fault
Have you got anyone around you xx

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou for your messages 🙂 I know what your saying is true I just wish I was head strong to believe I would feel better once iv left.
Every time we fall out he tells me and the kids we have to leave and he gets his mum involved, she constantly pressures me to tell her what’s been going on so when he got her involved this time I finally told her everything, she acted like she was on my side and told me I Could go live there until I found somewhere else but then within days she was back being his friend again and telling him he needs to start a new life and don’t get back together as it will only continue etc, almost like she blames me for his behaviour.
He’s been exactly the same with his ex the mother of his other child.

I guess how I’m feeling at the moment is confused, he’s now telling me I have to leave and I’m not allowed any of my clothes in the bedroom, he told me I had to clear all my things out of his sons room or he would throw my things on the street. I spent the entire day putting all my clothes on rails and moved them into the hallway. He is walking around giving me the silent treatment but then making comments to me like (removed by moderator)! I just don’t even respond.
I feel worse than he’s being so horrible by ignoring me and being horrible. I just feel like I want to get away and block the entire family from my life as I know I don’t want our child growing up this way and following in his footsteps but then why do I feel like if I leave he doesn’t even care anyway and il feel worse even though I know I deserve so much better than someone hitting me or calling me names.
The other week he told me i need to get into shape and I’m an ugly c*nt sorry that’s the word he used, told me I look older than I actually am. Yet then when he opens up and speaks he says he feels I’m better than him and can get anyone I want.
Everyone questions what I see in him and I do feel I love him and care but I’m just so u happy and I don’t no why I can’t see this.

The other week he smashed all my things off my dressing table and threw my clothes all in a pile it was such a mess, he then threw something which hit me in the head but I had our son in my arms and he was crying.
The next day I text him and told him he had gone too far this time and he replied saying I was a liar and I’m dangerous ?! And why would I make it up! But I didn’t 🙁 all I had was the photos of my stuff to prove but I couldn’t prove the rest, which is the same when I told his mum he gave me a black eye, he said I was a liar and I was so drunk I (removed by moderator), again was a lie but I got that upset and frustrated I walked off in tears because how do I Tell the truth if he is so adamant to people I’m lying. All I have is photos of my eye or bruises from times he’s hit me but in his head he says he didn’t do it but he knows the truth.
Just feel like iv lost all my confidence to be strong and I look at other people and tbonk they wouldn’t allow someone to speak to them the way I do, years ago I would never but then I feel like if I do shout back or say something I’m a toxic as him and then just get even more abuse off him, or he will block me and my calls and text messages.

He made me delete social media yet my friend saw he was all over it using it the other day, he sits on his phone texting constantly now almost like he’s doing it on purpose as it bothered him if I do that but it’s like he’s trying to wind me up because we aren’t speaking. I don’t say anything but it’s making me feel mentally I know I need to leave, he’s been with girls behind my back before and he probably wouldn’t think twice again but then his excuse is always well we weren’t getting on.
Iv never done anything to him so I guess I think why would he do it to me.
I don’t even think he loves me I think it’s just become normal now. Sometimes you just want them to actually care and I think that’s my problem I think why can’t you actually be the nice guy all the time instead of hoping for a few days of the nice person then for it to lead back to the horrible person again 🙁

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