Blondexxxx

[Blondexxxx]

Hi hun I read your post and I just want to say I know exactly how you feel.

Iv been with my partner for (removed by moderator) years, we have a child together.

He is exactly the same, he was drinking every weekend and turned paranoid, accusing me of everything from now being at work, to sleeping with the guy from a (removed by moderator) shop, even saying he thought I was an escort (removed by moderator)! I don’t even go out on nights out, I am forever witj the kids or at work. It was all in his head!

I forever felt depressed and if I went somewhere I would panic I was ages or he would accuse me.

I honestly never understood what type of girlfriend he wanted, I always look after myself keep the kids well drsssed I work, I don’t drink myself or go out partying.

But NOTHING you do is ever good enough. My partner complains about the way I wash the clothes, tidy up, if something Goes wrong it’s always my fault.

Like your ex partner he once left me for someone else, I was living in the same house and he all of a sudden ended things, made me feel worthless why wasn’t I good enough.

I couldn’t eat or sleep, I felt sick but then also I felt he enjoyed seeing me so upset!!

This girl turned out to be someone to do with work, she was (removed by moderator) so it wasn’t some young girl with no responsibility who I thought he would go for.
He told me she made him happy and laugh as we was always arguing!!

Well we wouldn’t Have argued if he wasn’t the way he was.

I like you felt like my whole world turned up side down, I went to live with my mum for a while then got my own house and it was hard, I felt I had no patience I couldn’t go to work, I couldn’t wait for bed time to come around so I could just forget the world and sleep. Half the time I couldn’t sleep but just to be led in the dark and not have anyone try speak to me.

I spent ages just feeling sorry for myself and wondering why he wanted her over me.

It was about a month and he then started trying to come back, asking to talk, said he felt awful and he had called things off with this girl.
Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to be on his own.

I slowly gave in, it was nice just to have him back, have him there at night time again, and he was being so nice.

But then he started being off with me again, I would phone him and he would act like I was hassling him, as if why was I phoning him.

It started to make me feel really crap again, and all those emotions started coming back.
I then found out he was back messaging the girl and told her the only reason he contacted me was to do with our child!

I ended up speaking to her and told her everything and he actually denied it all and told her I was crazy. So he thought of her feelings over mine!
Which made me feel even more sick!

I was back to where I was months ago, crying, not sleeping etc because I let him back into my life.

I wasn’t running around singing and happy in the few weeks I was getting over things but I started to learn to be by myself and not worry about someone controlling me/.

All my friends couldn’t understand what I saw in him, my family friends all hated him. But I felt like the only person (him) who brought me down was the only person who could bring me back up again.

Anyway this girl must of gave him another chance but then didn’t work out again!! She obviously saw what a liar he was! And the way he was treating me as well she even said to me you shouldn’t let him speak to you the way he does!

It never lasted and he was the same person. Maybe because he didn’t like the fact I didn’t care so he wanted to price to himself he could get me back, it’s all about the control.

I stupidly forgave him again and left the home I had got and moved back in with him.

It was the biggest mistake of my life! Iv spent the last (removed by moderator) years living the same life, being accused, being paranoid about me, shouting at me calling me names etc.

He has asked me to get out of his house about ten times and constantly tells me didn’t want to be together.

Hes emotional drained me.
If I had just been strong enough before I felt I would have been in a better place by now.

All I’m saying is I know it feels awful, but they never change even if you get them back, they become worse as they lose any respect for you.

My partner now has told me it’s over, he’s even stopped drinking and going the gym every night eating healthy etc. it’s the same pattern he did before when was someone else. He said he wants me to leave, said we don’t get on etc

He’s been sleeping on the sofa ans coming home late. I felt sick!! I cried so many times but it got me no where.
I can’t change what he’s doing and he will never admit it.

So I acted not bothered ans this time around I kept myself busy and doing things with the kids ans my friends!
I stated to feel stronger ans then tried to find myself somewhere else to live.

Then again! It was his (removed by moderator|) so I offered to go out for a meal all together! Since then he’s been coming (removed by moderator), bavk sleeping in the bed, just generally being really nice again. He made ne miss the kids side of him
I could feel myself feeling slightly happy again!

Then all of a sudden started acting weird with me again, I phoned him from work and he said what? I said oh just on my lunch, he said al why you ringing me??

I felt sick again!! That horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach! What did he mean why am I ringing him! He’s been playing happy families again ans been phoning me all week during the day!

I sent him a text asking why he was being off and he said what do you want me to say, I was just being civil for the kids because it was my birthday! Nothing more!!

Then I got upset! I said how dare you use me! We’ll be Turned it around on me said I was playing the victim this is why we don’t get on!
Started saying he never cared about me etc

I honestly feel so angry and upset!! With myself!
For thinking and believeinf that being with him would make me happy again!

It’s only made me worse!

They never change, just because your partner has moved on, what I always thought on my head was they may change for this person! But they can’t
My ex will have a drink one day again, and turn into his weird self.
His anger issues will never go away and the other girl will soon be you!

My partner ex said to me once he sent her to a dark place and she never ever wants to feels like that again! She was with him for (removed by moderator) years!
They have a child together and she didn’t say this to be bitter, she actually is so happy now she’s getting married has a good business her own home.

She said at one point her mum had to drag her off the floor she was that ill because of him! Spent weeks in her desssing gown not eating or sleeping.

What iv learned and I can’t really give anyone advice because I am the same as you I feel like I need that person. But what I have learned is it’s about control! If you start to act not bothered! Don’t show him you’re bothered!
He will hate it!

It’s not you, it’s him! And his relationship could last a while as the girl like you will start to feel weak and feel like she needs him to be happy!

But you can be happy without him! Going back just kills your soul.

I felt ok until I gave him those other chances and today I’m ringing in sick at work, led in bed, crying and angry with myself!

Don’t let him being you down xxx

[Blondexxxx]

You’re right I know it will break my heart but I need to go.
He has told me to get out once again with the kids even though he knows I have no where to go.

I just need to shock him and actually leave xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thank you for the reply 🙂
I will download the book I have been trying to google his behaviour for a while.

Another thing I worry about is last time I left he tried to take me to court for 50/50 access to our son.
He never does anything for him, he pays me nothing towards his clothes his food his school activities etc I don’t think he’s ever been taken to school by his dad or even picked him yet all of a sudden he was saying I will get access to him 50-50 and we will see who’s undermining me then ( apparently I undermine him)

It’s more a case of it’s 9 at night and il say no to sweets but he will say yes.

You’re absolutely right when you say about the cheating, even if he’s not he’s trying to make out he is to hurt me but why would you even want to do that.
The minute I mention it he calls me crazy and says things like see what I mean.

I tried to talk to him in the week once the other day and I said what’s going on and he got his phone out and started filming me saying look leave me alone you’re harassing me ?!
I wasn’t even nasty or shouting i fact I never stand up to him.

It was like he was trying to make me look bad. But I didn’t even do anything!

Just like the reason he has fallen out with me now there was nothing I feel I did wrong at all.

But no matter what i do in his head I can’t reason with him.

I dread coming home as I feel sick as he just sits there not speaking and the atmosphere is awful.
He’s acting like he’s mr changed man now he isn’t drinking or taking drugs or gambling, but his nastiness is still the same so I think it’s just him as a person.

[Blondexxxx]

My ex is doing exactly the same,
We have been split up for about (detail removed by moderator)
He’s juat gone back on social media and instantly changed his cover photo to our son then had him for a few hours and posted a photo with him on straight away
Then girls were all love hearting it. Iv decided to not look again xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou so much for your messages it means a lot xxx

I’m really struggling today, my ex ended up back on social media and he’s love hearting girls photos and trying to get attention himself
Iv not reacted at all. He’s just setting out to hurt me now bevause I kissed someone ( we aren’t even together) I am not interested in anyone I just haven’t had attention in (detail removed by moderator) and Iv felt so down lately

On (detail removed by moderator) he ended up unblocking me and asked if he could come pick our son up and take him out for a few hours.
He’s meant to be taking me to a solicitors over it all about fifty percent access.

I agreed just to be civil but then he ended up coming back with him later with takeaway and he came in the house and led in the sofa yet didn’t speak one word to me?!
Then when (detail removed by moderator) had finished he told our child he was going.
He never spoke about custody or what was happening
Never spoke one word to me

Then he left and I looked at my phone and he blocked me again???

I’m left feeling worse than I did when I saw he was love hearting girls stuff
That didn’t actually bother me as much as I thought let him get on with it.

But the fact he came into my home, didn’t skews to me then left and blocked me

Made me feel awful about myself again. Like did he expect me to want to speak to him or did I look bad so he thought I don’t want to even see her again.

He then sent me a message today wnd blocked me straight after telling me to get on with my life now and he would of loved nothing more than to of stayed and (detail removed by moderator) ( I didn’t ask him to even do this?) but it wasn’t fair on anyone and it’s for the best we don’t speak again.

I haven’t even tried getting back with him.

I’m speaking to so many different helplines and reading books to help me get through why he does what he does but I’m left feeling worse like because I kissed someone now he’s out to hurt me.

But he hasn’t even spoke to me for weeks or even tried to sort things out.

He told me he’s a new free man now he doesn’t drink take drugs or gamble but he hasn’t got help for any of his addictions he just went to live with his parents!

I just feel really down like why even come to my house or (detail removed by moderator) last week!

[Blondexxxx]

Hope your ok xx

[Blondexxxx]

Sometimes we will hope and pray they will change because we love them

But what you begin to realise it’s not because of you they behave like this it’s bevause it’s in them to be that person

[Blondexxxx]

Hope you ok, I remember when I had to do that, twice, I went back after the first time then it happened again.

Packing all your things from a home you shared memories is so heartbreaking, but it is another step towards closure.

Keep strong xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Thankyou so much to both of you for your replies xxx 😘

You honestly help me so much knowing I’m not alone in all of this xxx

[Blondexxxx]

Yeah that’s the worse thing because he’s the one who was messaging me so then when I replied he would say don’t contact me at the end of the message but then I couldn’t help myself.

He’s living with his mum and and she told me (detail removed by moderator) she’s monitoring his alcohol addiction but I don’t think she believes me how bad his drugs are or the alcohol as she said(detail removed by moderator) and that’s when I got abuse at (detail removed by moderator) so I knew he was drinking still.

He then went down on (detail removed by moderator)  and was drinking (detail removed by moderator)  as I for abuse (detail removed by moderator) as well.

I simply suggested that if his mums has our son (detail removed by moderator) anyway in the day whilst I’m working
He could have him up there one day (detail removed by moderator)

I wish I never suggested it but he was bullying me telling me he was taking me to court if I didn’t agree (detail removed by moderator) access! And I’m worried how I will prove his behaviour 🙁 what If they gave him access because of the home his mum lives in (detail removed by moderator). But then he won’t be living there forever
He needs professional help and when I said that in the email he said(detail removed by moderator).

I did miss him but I actually hate him I feel like no matter what I do he’s out to punish me.

[Blondexxxx]

Sending more emails (detail removed by moderator)

[Blondexxxx]

What do you mean hun?

I feel lost without him but I’m still getting the abuse I got when together he thinks I’m seeing someone else he said it’s my fault I made him feel like this

He’s put weight on during lock down and has really low self asteem but then when we aren’t together he’s running around like some happy single guy!

The drinking and the drugs really ground me down as he would just stay up all night and then be rough all day the next day

He would be needy then and be nice but then a day or two later he would (removed by moderator) being moody and horrible and probably just walk around ignoring me

I really just don’t know what to do anymore

[Blondexxxx]

I text work telling them I’m feeling sick and I have really bad anxiety
Iv told a few of the nurses how I’m feeling

I literally just want to lie in bed and cry 🙁

I don’t want to lose my job I spoke to my doctor who said happy to give me a note for a week off

Everyone keeps saying he does this all the time don’t worry about it he’s not worth it but it’s not as easy as that

Also he says the same he was bullied, was left out etc yet when I spoke to his mum (detail removed by moderator)

She text me (detail removed by moderator)
Basically hiding behind his mum, he has me on block
I’m feeling like Iv done something wrong and feel so ill and drained and he’s at his mums loving life no responsibility and our son keeps saying what time is daddy coming home 🙁

[Blondexxxx]

Aww that’s the book I’m reading it really does make sense to everything he says to me
Blames his behaviour on being left (detail removed by moderator)
Yet his mum is who he relays on now for everything, money, his clothing, his car, now where he is staying

His mum said she did (detail removed by moderator) but he was well looked after and spoilt and wasn’t neglected like he told me

I never take advise I have been with him for (detail removed by moderator) and it’s always been him walking away from me making up excuses he was t happy and just leaving me with our son but then we always sort things out but this time I got my own house and he went to his mums but then started living with me and now he’s left again I just feel sick
Why can’t he just accept I’m not cheating but then if he’s just making up an excuse

It hurts so much because then there is nothing I can do
He is blaming it on the fact I recorded him now saying (detail removed by moderator), then said because he (detail removed by moderator) I owed him money back for it

I ended up just sending the money yewyeday through his bank
He didn’t unblock me or say thank you or anything but at least I can’t be accused of owing him money x

Just feel so lost but can’t go into work because I keep crying 🙁 thought it might help but the thought is making me feel like I cant breathe

Feel safer being at home but then just over think 🙁 x

[Blondexxxx]

Yeah I googled trauma bonding Iv never heard of it before until now, it’s exactly how I feel and what I’m going through!

Iv bought a book on google which is helping me at night, I just keep crying thinking of the good things and maybe shouldn’t of done this or that

It keeps playing over in my head when he said it’s All my fault, I shouldn’t of done this or I shouldn’t of done that

But if I sat there and wrote the things down he did then stuff I did is so childish like (detail removed by moderator)
Yet he gambles all his money, takes drugs and drinks all the time, he’s even (detail removed by moderator) but he did pay me back the next day but still!

I just feel so low about myself, he’s gained weight and says why would I be interested in him anymore but I don’t even think like that I loved him no matter what

It’s like I’m made to feel guilty for looking after myself my hair my eyebrows etc he says it’s for someone else!
🙁 just don’t know how I even can sleep tonight I am just a mess xxx

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