Halfwayout

[Halfwayout]

Hi Gran, I read your poem last night and it’s been on my mind since. I’ve been out a relatively short space of time and it’s been peaceful. Financially I’m up to my ears but working through it. Your poems reminds me how determined I am to succeed in life, as I remember the times I was told by him I could never cope without him and take pride when I succeed at any little DIY job I achieve.
This lockdown has made me feel that women like us who have lived through the trauma can possibly cope better with the anxiety, uncertainty breeds anxiety and if I can take or feel in control of my life then I can cope.
I remember not feeling like crying, monotone, I would describe myself as, then I would have the bouts of depression and cry at the drop of a hat, I was told I was menopausal.
What your experiencing is C-PTSD, I read up on how I was feeling and it helped me cope getting out.
Don’t go it alone, find a friend you can confide in, you’ll need them, I wished I let mine know earlier especially when dealing with solicitors and stuff, I just couldn’t think straight for the fear.
I’m so glad to see you’re out @IWMB, you were one of the 1st ladies I talked to on here.
Take care and keep writing @Gran xx

[Halfwayout]

Good luck Hettie, hope you find a safe haven, I can say ours is. My grown up daughter commented on the confidence she has gained in the months we’ve been out, her dad still tries to mess with her mind.
Totally agree Cecile, how can they do it, we are still the victims.

[Halfwayout]

Thanks @fizzlyem, I totally agree about needing time to get over it. I’ve put my life on hold for the time we’ve been separating. Whether I will be able to walk down the street without looking out for him, that could take a while, but the freedom in a abuse free house is worth it. There’s a lot of self help and self love yet.
Hang in there, our time will come. xx

[Halfwayout]

Periodically I pop back in here,everytime I do log on I always find your posts @kip inspiring. I’m 6 months out and yes, things are nowhere near resolved financially (that’s another topic that boils my water) but emotionally I’m slowly getting there. Your post hit true, I definitely feel he has taken something away from me but I see the old me may return one day. Onwards and upwards and thanks again @kip & ladies.

[Halfwayout]

Interesting question, one I’m giving deep thought to after an incident this week. Yes its very early days for me getting out and I can’t prove his behaviour but I will say its safety measures. I think we all know that our instincts are a good indicator. Trust Yourself,peace of mind.

[Halfwayout]

Yes, Noonespecial I get the dis-invite thing and then my ex told his own kids & family that I was invited, I wasn’t even on the invite list.
You give reassuring advice Kip and I hopefully will do a bit of payback in the future. xx

[Halfwayout]

I just read your good news! I chuffed to bits for you I hope you are as happy as me, its a pretty awesome feeling, normal.
Its sounds like your flat was meant to be,we know that feeling also. Enjoy.xx

[Halfwayout]

Hang in there @Maddog, your right, it really isn’t easy. I have managed to maintain alcohol free days, but weekends are really difficult. Found myself out yesterday afternoon and stayed out as evening cooking with wine was a norm, still had a drink but controlled.

[Halfwayout]

Eve1 you’re doing a great job with your daughter. My daughter is  finding it very difficult. She has watched her dad abuse me but now he is including her as he see’s it as her taking sides. She feels isolated and alone as none of her friends totally get the controlled emotional abuse. Her confidence is rock bottom and thought of throwing it all in came up  when she had a melt down. She has physical symptoms of anxiety which has caused her to have several illnesses in the last few months but she is battling through them.
The Uni have been a great help also allowing her time off.
Every little achievement is massive.
I see she has no solid structure in her life, Uni, she is there for a few hours a day, works random shifts, no boyfriend while her friends are all settled and a family that is splitting up. Give her a hug, listen to her, have movie nights, little treats, messages or quotes of inspiration.
You need to find a friend to talk to also, its a lonely place, totally get the unsociable mode.
Your not alone. xx

[Halfwayout]

Hi Distraught, he won’t acknowledge “the end” until your away from each other. I’m going through a very lengthy legal process and we’re still in the same house and yet my OH still thinks there is a chance of reconciliation.
My OH talks out loud to himself in the shower, its well freaky; but he hasn’t admitted that its over and to be honest that day does frighten me.
Like you, I wish he would hit me so the process  would be over, but no. I do not speak to him, no contact, no fuel.
Unfortunately I have to bite my tongue to the name calling, loud tv, guitar playing late at night, constant mess and sneeky financial c**p.
Its great your getting the confidence back, you’ll probably need it, he will feel entitled to stay over while spending time with the kids, knocked that one in the head. Stay strong👍

[Halfwayout]

Thanks @poetscorner & Mary Oliver 💕 Its perfect.

[Halfwayout]

Hang in there @maddog,if its any consolation I succumb last night myself and had a glass. I feel I could never go cold turkey but I’m feeling the benefits of wine free days. I have bought the books that @kip has recommended and have started reading again and I’m taking them in and retaining some of the information. Can’t wait to be stress free so my brain can retain more information. Baby steps remember🤞

[Halfwayout]

I feel your pain Ebony, me and the kids are fed up of the loud everything in our house, music, guitars and amplifiers and tv’s.
I tell them that he is trying to project a false happiness, he does a similar thing watching telly, hysterically laughing out loud and having conversations with the adverts. His behaviour used to scare us but now we see his intimidation tactics.
Your doing right by not showing a reaction and yes its so tiresome, hang in there.
As for getting him to move out, your going to have to do everything, he will do nothing, believe me, I’m still waiting and pushing the the legal people.

[Halfwayout]

Just wondered if you’ve tried the Non-alcoholic wines @maddog, Eisberg Sauvingon Blanc is a pretty good substitute if I get the wee voice. I am also drinking lots more tea.
I will also say @FTC I got Garmin Fitbit thing for xmas, so yes I’m monitoring my sleep, stress and blood pressure and walking for miles.
Will take a look for that book @kip.

[Halfwayout]

You take pride in what your doing Maddog ,it is a little step but its in the right direction. Thanks for the encouragement ladies, I’m aware how differently my body has felt with no alcohol, less agitated is the main one. Its amazing how living with abuse affects your health, my daughter has only realised the thought of coming home to this house with her father affects her asthma, but she trauma-bond to come home.

[Author]

Posts