JaneEyre

[JaneEyre]

Forgot to mention the dreams/nightmares that plague me daily/nightly.

Recently turned into hallucinations.

I begged my mum to take my children.

I couldn’t tell was real and was not.

I can feel h whispering in my ear, kissing my neck. It’s terrifying.

All I get is…you need to pull yourself together and be strong for your children.

I thought that was what I was doing by leaving???

Feel like I’m losing my mind 😞

[JaneEyre]

Thanks Kip! Great article.

[JaneEyre]

Needed to read all that. So thank you all for sharing. Had so much going on since he left, ended up stopping the no contact and regret it again. 😞
I need to stick to it for good this time. Just sets me back and I can 100% see that he has not changed one bit since we split.
He’s still trying to control and manipulate me.
These men are dangerous.
Why are there so many of them??
Single forever for me 👍🏻
JaneEyre xx

[JaneEyre]

To you all…..
My fellow survivors.
I salute you.
May no woman ever go through what we have been through.
It is living hell.
Even after breaking free I still feel controlled.
But surviving we are.
Don’t let the bastards win.
We are better than that!
One minute/hour/day at a time….
We CAN do this
Let’s prove to our daughters, the younger generation of women who we encounter, women of all ages, religions and classes that we will not tolerate this anymore.
We are NOT victims.
We are survivors.
We WILL inspire and motivate the next generation to speak out.
Stay safe everyone.
JaneEyre xx

[JaneEyre]

Hey,
So glad you posted this.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
I felt utter nothingness for weeks.
Kept asking myself why? When was it going to hit me?
Am I so cold and unloving that this huge event in my life, my children’s life had no effect on me whatsoever?
What is wrong with me?
Maybe he was right…I am an unloving, uncaring, ice queen….as he put it.
But I can assure you it will come.
The guilt and sadness will kick in and it’s every bit as horrifying as you imagined. But it is nothing compared to what WE US have been through.
Enjoy the numbness. And appreciate that the pain is necessary but will not last forever.
Sending love and positive thoughts xxx

[JaneEyre]

You all make me get in touch with reality……AGAIN!

Had serious doubts about my own mind tonight….how is that possible???

I can do this
I can do this
I can do this

JaneEyre 😞

[JaneEyre]

Kip,
Thank you for your speedy response.
I 100% know you are right but I’m currently have a fight with my guilt ridden, controlled and what feels like my permanently manipulated mind who is disagreeing with me.

This is hard.

Please, anyone who reads this listen to what you hear on this forum…..

NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO BE FREE.

Going to drink my cup of tea in bed and have a serious word with myself.

Please god, make me strong again

JaneEyre

[JaneEyre]

LizSky,
My husband constantly blamed me for everything. Saying I was cheating constantly and keeping me awake after a night out accusing me of all sorts.
I would never have cheated out of respect and pure fear I now realise.
When I finally left, not long ago, (detail removed by moderator) he accused me of being a cheat, liar, lesbian, controlling and went as far as to say I had planted a tracker on him.
In the days since I reported him to the police he constantly seems to know where I am at all times.
I’ve found a social media account of his which has numerous ex girlfriends on there and what appear to be porn stars as friends.
I have felt like I have been going mad for years and now I’m thinking maybe he was the one cheating the whole time?
I’ll never know as he is a compulsive liar who is unable to tell the truth about anything.
I feel so stupid now.
But everyday I have no contact I get stronger and see him for what he really is.
It IS emotional abuse as others on here have told you.
It’s only when you get away that you can finally start to see it.
Good luck and take care.
JaneEyre xxxx

[JaneEyre]

Super well done!!!! Xx

[JaneEyre]

Confused and alone,
I know how terrified you feel but KIP is right. I’m only (Detail removed by Moderator) days into leaving my husband with whom I have 2 children but everyday I am away from him the FOG gets less and I can see him for what he is. Manipulating and controllin. A jealous sad man who through his own actions has lost a loving wife and amazing children.
I was also told by him that he would take his own life if he left. I was petrified of how he would cope without me and his children and leaving felt like I was betraying him.
But it was him who was betraying me and his children.
Look up 5 signs you are in a trauma bonding relationship.
I read it and then it all made sense.
Until (Detail removed by Moderator) days ago I had no idea I was in an abusive relationship. I’m still struggling to come to terms with it to be honest.
But my head and heart feel so much lighter and although I’m still not where I want to be I feel like I’m finally on the right road.
Good luck,
Keep posting on here everyone is so supportive and they stop you from thinking you are going mad!
Take care,
JaneEyre xxx

[JaneEyre]

Same story here 🙁
I have had no contact for 10 days, after finally mustering the courage walking into the police station and reporting him for ‘fake punching’ me.

Then last night he repeatedly rang our teenage son until he begged me to speak to his dad as he didn’t know what to do to get him to stop ringing.

I knew immediately I shouldn’t have taken the call as from what everyone has told me no contact is the only way to get men like these to stop.

The problem is they are so convincing and even though I’m 100% sure I don’t want him back just hearing his voice gets to me. The ‘please’ darling don’t throw it all away.

I’m getting help. I will get better and make everything up to you, just give me a chance to prove it to you.

I got advised to look up Trauma bonding and the first thing I did after putting the phone down was read the article ‘5 signs you are in a trauma bond relationship’ over and over again.

It’s so much easier to tell myself he will change and we can be a family again, than it seems to go this alone.

But I CANT take him back. Because I KNOW he will NEVER change, and you don do the things he has done to me if you truly love someone.

So I am going to be strong, have no contact, and keep him out of my life for good this time.

I don’t deserve it.
My kids don’t deserve it.
And neither do any of you lovely ladies.

We have just become so normalised to it we don’t even see it as that bad anymore. But it IS!!!

Wishing you all the strength in the world. People who haven’t been through it will never understand, so keep posting on here and listen to those that do.

It’s helping me massively to see him fur what he really is.

They are the ones that need help. They are sick, insecure, pathetic men who need help.

I’m taking my life back, hour by hour, day by day. It hurts like hell but one day I know it will be worth it.

Stay strong ladies.
You CAN do this xx

[JaneEyre]

Report him! Then stop all contact with your uncaring friend.
I went to the police about my husband and it was the MOST terrifying thing I ever did….but the best.

I threw up 4 times while I was there out of guilt/fear and the feeling that I was betraying him somehow.

But it got him out of the house which I had never managed to achieve before.

I had no idea I was in a domestic abuse relationship. None whatsoever, till I was advised to look up trauma bonding.

Then it all made sense.

I know it is extremely frightening but once it’s done it will feel like you have taken back some control.

Stay strong and I wish you all the very best.

I sound much more confident than I feel I can assure you as it is still very early days for me and worry everyday that he will somehow convince me to let him back in but I’m so determined this time.

Yesterday I found some messages on my phone from exactly a year ago telling him how unhappy I was and begging him to change or else I would leave.

A whole year of trying to make my marriage work, all he did in that year was get worse.

I refuse to waste another day. Don’t waste another year like I did.

Good luck and take care.
You can do this!
JaneEyre xx

[JaneEyre]

Thanks everyone,
I took the advice and blocked him off everything except email.

Today has been hassle free and it felt truly liberating.

He emailed me tonight….(detail removed by moderator)

I didn’t click on the link. Just immediately pressed delete.

I haven’t verbally spoken to him or replied to any messages (detail removed by moderator)

I can feel the old me returning a little bit more each day.

I packed all his belongings into suitcases today.

My parents are going to drop them off where he is staying so I don’t have to see him.

I’m already feeling more positive about tomorrow knowing I won’t be bombarded with text messages.

I thought about the future today. I let myself imagine what it would feel like to go out and not have to wonder if he would turn up. What it would be like to get home and get into bed without the 7 hour questioning and scrutinising of my every word.

I CAN DO THIS
I CAN DO THIS
I AM DOING THIS

My heart and head feel lighter.
Thank you again to all that have commented.
You give me more strength than I could ever explain.

Goodnight
A feeling positive….
JaneEyre xx

[JaneEyre]

Hey there,
Despite (Detail removed by Moderator) his has continued to bombard me with text messages begging me to drop the charges and take him back. He sends soppy YouTube videos of love songs, pictures of us altogeher as a family. Texts the older children relentlessly trying to manipulate them to get to me.
In the past there has always been a reason to go back, the last being I left him (Detail removed by Moderator) then felt so guilty about him waking up alone with me and the kids that I took him back as he cried down the phone that he would get help. Nothing changed. Tried kicking him out (Detail removed by Moderator) months later by packing his bags but then he threatened to commit suicide to again, I fell soft and took him back.
This time I am determined to stick to it.
He will NEVER change. EVER.
Yet he continues to hound me day and night. Nearly (Detail removed by Moderator) since I walked into that police station and still no arrest has been made.
I was advised to look up trauma bonding and that is what made me finally realise I have been in a toxic relationship the whole time.
I’m living hour by hour at the minute. But it’s still better than how I felt when he was here.
I will continue to take each day as it comes but making positive steps to keeping him away by visiting a solicitor and getting our home valued.
Just because you have gone back this time does not mean there won’t be other chances to finally make that break.
You will know when the time is right.
You will get free of him I’m sure of it.
You just have to do it when it feels right for you and the children.
Don’t give up.
Thinking of you.
Xx

[JaneEyre]

Thank you for your kind words of support. One day at a time, I will get there.
Xx

[JaneEyre]

Not been on here for a while, but reading this makes me realise I still need to keep visiting and posting.

I’m in a much better place, but in another kind of hell.

Can’t explain it, terrified to talk about it, people’s expectations of how I should feel and where I should be at in the process of this is making it even harder.

I know they care.
I know they are worried.

But I can’t put a timescale on this.

(detail removed by moderator) years together.

I have no idea when I will feel better….can’t they just accept that??

Feeling down,
JaneEyre

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