Lost lady

[Lost lady]

It is so upsetting hearing how you feel and i know exactly what you mean
My situation is pretty much the same and he had been out of work (again) for a couple of months and i was feeling like i was sinking. Luckily mine has now got a job (detail removed by moderator) so i get a bit of freedom
It feels like being held hostage knowing what to do for the best when kids are involved but i feel numb
I too have lost the main person i could talk to as she said she can’t deal with it any more if i won’t leave

[Lost lady]

Oh Kaybee that’s so sad. You have been so brave getting out of it and i wish i so wish i had your strength
I have on occasion lost it when he is being so incredibly hurtful and never in my life have i been like that, they push to get a reaction. Mine has said many time the kids are not his the same as yours. It gets so confusing, i really feel like i live with two people and deeply loved him but i just never know which version i will get
I have been listening to Dr Carter on Youtube and it is helping me understand it all more clearly
You have done the hard part and deserve to be happy
Lots of love x

[Lost lady]

Hi Whiteroses. Sorry you are going through this too.
It is so exhausting constantly trying to keep them happy and take the blame for everything and heartbreaking when they use your children against you. He is always causing drama then telling the kids i am a bad mom
I’m afraid i can’t offer much advice as i am still in my relationship but i know how you feel.
Mine has threatened to leave many times but never does and i wish he would but when i asked him to leave when he was cheating he refused and said we will always be together
I try really hard to distance myself from him emotionally but i get pulled back in as soon as he uses the kids
I have spoken with help lines and they are very helpful
Stay strong x

[Lost lady]

Thank you ladies for your responses, i hate that so many others are going through this.
Sorry for the long delay, my head got in a confused state and i can’t seem to get my fight back.
Listened to many youtube vidoes about covert narcissism and think i have overloaded my brain…
love to you all xx

[Lost lady]

So sorry you are going through this 😥
It struck me reading this that my husband has always trivialised his abuse to me by saying I play the victim and when he shouts at the kids he says he’s toughening them up for the real world. Maybe a lot of abusers do this ?

I have spoken to womens aid recently , they are very good at rationalising things that do not make sense
Take care x.

[Lost lady]

You have been so brave ❤️
I can’t offer any advice as I seem stuck in my marriage but reach out to womens aid and get all the help you can … one step at a time and be kind to yourself xx

[Lost lady]

Hi Mellow x
I’m still in my marriage but my memory, concentration is awful . I think things are horrendous and decide to leave then things calm down and I think I’ve over exaggerated things . I used to write a diary early days and was reading some of it last week and I can’t remember some things happening but know I wouldn’t lie in my own diary … but I always end up feeling sorry for him 😥
Xx

[Lost lady]

Oh sallysally mine is the same , no matter what he does he always reverts back to things I did (detail removed by Moderator) years ago , they do hold grudges and use them against us. Apparently I smiled at (detail removed by Moderator) in a pub once and all sorts of ridiculous accusations. You don’t have to justify their false accusations x

[Lost lady]

So happy for you Nefertiti x stay strong xx

[Lost lady]

Aww Better-Days, really hard isn’t it. Mine has always said if i leave ‘he will destroy me and take the kids’ and that has kept me in the situation for so long i now just can’t risk him using them in his game.
I still can’t get my head round how they can use their own children against you
Stay strong lovely xx

[Lost lady]

I am doing just that at the minute. Trying so hard not to bite and just walk away… but like you say it’s never easy.
I have told friends recently and my sister but when you don’t leave they don’t get it, think you have to have lived it to understand that it is so complex
All we can do is keep talking here and get help where we can
Stay strong xxx

[Lost lady]

So sorry you know how this feels
I can’t seem to find the strength to leave, though my reasons have changed over the years. Early days i thought if i loved him enough i could ‘fix him’, then i was scared of him, then blamed myself for things getting worse. I honestly knew deep down something was wrong and now can’t believe i was so naive for so many years. It was hard as so many friends and acquantainces tell me how lucky i am and then it makes me think it is me. Now i stay for the kids, i wish i had left a long time ago, not been stupid enough to think having kids would make things ok.
I’m watching a lot of youtube videos about narcissism and trying to understand how i can ever get out of this without the kids being hurt or losing them… but i do now understand a couple of things now and that is they are damaged and will not ever change no matter how much we do for them, it will never be good enough and they don’t really love in the way normal people do, we are just supply
Sending love xx

[Lost lady]

Hi x there are a lot of similarities with our situations other than mine hardly ever leaves the house .
I moved in with mine the same year we met and he completely changed from the kind loving funny man I had fallen for and was aggressive and hit me , doors and grabbed me round the throat (mainly after a drink but not always) . He was still the kind funny man in public and still is but this made me believe that I was the cause, and it’s took me many years to admit it is abuse and the funny kind man is an illusion
Hoping we find a way to leave , we don’t deserve to be treated this way 😥

[Lost lady]

So happy for you Gerbil x
Every time I see another person getting their freedom it gives me hope ❤️
Stay strong xx

[Lost lady]

Hi glasshalf , hope you are ok .
I spoke to womens aid and they have advised me to speak to (detail removed by Moderator) for help with leaving just don’t know if I have the strength to do it. I feel so torn , do I tolerate his behaviour so the kids life isn’t disrupted or make a stand to be free from this horrible cycle before he breaks me 😥. I don’t really have anyone to support me , my sister is fed up with me going round in circles and never leaving and said she can’t handle it x

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