Mumofcats

[Mumofcats]

Thanks everyone for your inputs.

It made me realise I’ve never known that. I’d probably mistake that “healthy argument “ for just a normal conversation! lol!

And not being gaslighted!! That must be an odd feeling after so long! Haha!

[Mumofcats]

Yes, thanks for your input.
Here it’s been either silent treatment, gaslighting, insults. He never raised his voice though. But he’s making his rage and anger very clear.
Having said that he’s been on his best behaviour for a while now. And it does make me doubt myself even more.

Having been in this relationship for decades, I wonder if I was to be in another one (one can still dream!) if I would be able to differentiate or fall again for that.

[Mumofcats]

Orders* not pressers.

[Mumofcats]

Sorry you finding yourself in such a situation.

I too found lots of support at work from 1 person specifically. Thanks to them, they pointed me towards this website. I used the chat and then got in touch with a local organisation. That organisation has been amazing and my case worker is being so supportive. They know that leaving might not be on the plate at the moment for x, y, z reasons but they don’t judge. They SUPPORT.

If you can, have a look if there’s another local organisation near you who can give you face to face support.

Friendships do change, not specifically because the friend is not friend with you anymore, but because life changes , we lose touch, people have their own stuff going on we don’t know about.

Might be worth asking the person at work who’s leaving if you can stay in touch in a way or another? Tell them their support has been invaluable.
The worst case scenario they might say no, in which case it will not change the situation. And best case they’ll say yes.

Hope you get the support you need.

Take care xx

[Mumofcats]

The best thing we can do is be there for each other. xx

[Mumofcats]

Hi Peachy

It’s such a crappy situation. There’s no right or wrong decision.
Actually, the best decision is the one that will keep you and the child you already have safe from abuse.

Whether you do go ahead with the abortion or not, ask where you could some counselling. It will help you manage all the emotions, thoughts and feelings you have regarding the whole situation.

Let us know how you are.

Take care and stay safe. Xx

[Mumofcats]

@stargazing1 well done for taking these steps.
No need to apologise for the time it takes to respond. I think we all post when we are able to. Specifically when it is safe to do so.

Let us know how you’re getting on.

Stay safe xx

[Mumofcats]

Well done for leaving and not wanting to go back, ever.

Our local library offers to give their address a personal address for the bank, children’s school and other stuff. Maybe that’s something you could look into?
They don’t all do that, but worth checking out.

Also, I definitely would contact social services. I’ve met the social worker (and I’ve written a post asking for positive experiences about that, I’ll update it btw)

She has been really helpful so far and is there to help. I met her in a neutral place , and won’t contact the perpetrator. So you arrange to meet up in a cafe, or other safe place of your choosing. It doesn’t have to involve the friends who are helping you out.

Hope you get more answers for your to do list.

Stay safe xx

[Mumofcats]

One step at a time. xx

[Mumofcats]

Thank you. I find everything so complicated to process sometimes. This and all the other stuff. The gaslighting. I come to doubt my own reality.

[Mumofcats]

That is not being a coward.
You are preparing yourself. Practically and emotionally. It takes time.
We’ll get there. xx

[Mumofcats]

Hi.
Do reach out to some local organisations. They do help.
When I got directed to this website, it has been my lifeline.

I started with the online chat. The women who I spoke to to have been amazing and directed me to some local organisations. They’ve given me great advice on so many things. Like have an emergency plan. How to stay safe, what to do when I am ready to leave. Legal advice and even counselling.

And now this forum is amazing because all the survivors are making it amazing.

Take care and stay safe xx

[Mumofcats]

Same happened. I even started an occupation and non molestation order, but couldn’t go through with it. Could t press the red button. I do feel I missed my one chance, because the order would have helped me stay in the house and him leave.
Now his bail has ended, and it’s too late after the last abuse episode.

I hope I will get another chance and not miss it.

He’s been ever so nice since then. It also makes me doubt myself.

But what’s helping me is the counselling sessions I have been having.

Don’t despair. We’ll get there.

[Mumofcats]

Thank you.

Unfortunately he came back.
one of my children had prepared to run away, so had to call the dad, and since that day he decided to stay ‘for the sake of the child’.

I had (detail removed by Moderator) weeks on my own, and it was bliss. Now back to square one.

[Mumofcats]

Thanks both of you for your input. I spoke to my counsellor and my case worker about it, and they reassured me.
My concern is that they want to speak to the perpetrator, and that scares me as well. I don’t know how he will react.

[Mumofcats]

Thanks both of you for your input. I spoke to my counsellor and my case worker about it, and they reassured me.
My concern is that they want to speak to the perpetrator, and that scares me as well. I don’t know how he will react.

[Mumofcats]

Update

Hi everyone and thanks again for reading.

He’s left the home! Yeah! I feel such a sense of relief and peace. It’s just amazing.He’s been coming for the children, and so far things are happening peacefully.

Yesterday I watched a movie by myself, it felt so good.

I’ve been having counselling sessions over the phone for the past 3 weeks and it’s helped so much. I’ve also got some support from a charity.

I am now looking forward to the future!

Sending love to you all. Be strong!

[Mumofcats]

Thanks for your support. I’ll come and update when things have moved forward.

[Mumofcats]

So true. Physical abuse lessened and stopped but psychological, emotional, financial got worse.

[Author]

Posts