Orangerainbow

[Orangerainbow]

Eyesopening, I too kept feeling ill, exhaustion was awful. Doctors did all the tests and nothing. I think they know a lot more now than years ago. This is my second experience of this treatment. I had no councelling with the first with regard to his trestment. I realise now its the same. N******tic abuse. I was so blind. I am not now. I see it all for what it was and am horrified I lived and normalised that through their training programme. The last wanted to finally break me in like some horse. I am working on the trauma bond myself. I keep telling myself he chose to do this, actually CHOSE. I too was told I didnt remember things. Vile. I realised I would go to work in a traumatised state.. goal posts alwsys shifting or the silent treatment. Crazy. I keep focusing on that and how I am away from it and him. He never loved me. They are incapable of love. Take care and think of you not him.

[Orangerainbow]

I am hearing you as I feel simular feelings. I can only take it a day at a time. I keep cancelling out the “good times” as they mean nothing when I compare them to how I was treated on a daily basis. I don’t believe they were real l anymore. I am watching youtube videos on narcissism and it has altered my perception on many things. I also try and be kind to myself. The loneliness I get too. I don’t want to be aline I want to be around caring people, without a hidden agenda. I too dont have a home. I am taking all the help I can get. The one thing I have found is I learned how to be on my own and sleep on my own in that so called relationship. Somethimg I never believed I could do. Yet I am doing it. Not thinking too far ahead helps me. I just want you to know you are not alone in feeling as you do. Lets take it moment by moment. Others mean well but don’t know what you have endured. When I try to explain ..their lack of understanding only serves to upset and trigger me. So I am not going there with them anymore. There is help out there and that serves us more. Take care.

[Orangerainbow]

Bottom line is you did get out and are doing the best you can for your children and yourself. It takes strength to get out, super human strength and super human strength to take what is dished out. My ex likened me to a sponge once. These people pray on our vulnerabilities and fears to control. You did get out. You are not there now.

[Orangerainbow]

I had the same experience with talking therapy a few years back being told they could not offer whst I really needed. I was also still in the situation. I was offered antidepressants. I am out now on my owm looking for the same help. I feel I need trauma therapy too. I sincerely hope you get that help. We know what we need to heal. You have come so far and are stronger than we feel.

[Orangerainbow]

Please be very careful, I met my 2nd online, I dated a few and saw the red flags..but with him I was not prepared for the love bombing. I know now I was still vulnerable from my first, who I have kids with. Be very very careful. My second liked tp not contact me all day as a form of control after a argument. Or to get me to come running to him.

[Orangerainbow]

Growth is painful..change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere that you do not belong. A quote By Mandy Hale

I saw this quote today. So true.

[Orangerainbow]

I would say to gather your support system around you. One day you will leave. Your life will not always be like it is, your inner person will guide you. There is help out there. Your life is precious and you do not deserve to be treated with with abuse, nobody does. You deserve respect and unconditionally love, starting with yourself. Take care.

[Orangerainbow]

Thank you Camel, you made me smile today.

[Orangerainbow]

 He made you fall in love with a big fat lie. He’s a fraud, a fake. Congratulate yourself every day for seeing him for who he truly is. Don’t look back.

Your words resonate inside my head Camel. I have always looked to the good in people. I know I am not perfect. I had done a lot of work on myself prior to meeting him. Yet I couldn’t trust my gut feeling about him. I had dated and I had not continued those relationships as the red flags I listened to..yet with him they were there but I still continued. Having read up on trauma bonds I am beginning to understand so much that I was not aware of or come up in counselling I recieved many years ago now.

I have learned so much in these few weeks online and here, so I am trying to be kind to myself.

[Orangerainbow]

Thank you Camel for your reply. Sound advise.

[Orangerainbow]

Thank you ladies. Your words are sobering and strestrengthening. Trauma bonds, I have heard rhe term. He ‘trained me’ to be on my own, due to work schedule which I lived around. His latest attack to complete submission back fired then big time for him. Before I was us I was me. I am me again.

[Orangerainbow]

Vile individuals, thank you ladies for your replies. What a waste of time and care on someone who didn’t deserve it. I realise I deserve my care now. Walking away was the only option to his viciousness and degrading tone. He tried his mind games once too often. I feel nothing for him right now. I hope that continues.

[Orangerainbow]

Citizens advise have been brilliant helping me.

[Orangerainbow]

I am also going through this rejection right now. I know I cant do this without support. I too feel the pain of rejection. My family never liked him yet they are standing watching me from a distance, some have vanished. You know your truth. Thats what keeps me going. I have taken back my dignity and self respect. I am trying nonot to be pulled down by those that cant respect that and support me. Staying strong for myself, I have been strong for my family and friends, now it is my turn. Take care, think of you.

[Orangerainbow]

This is so tough when its your Mum, I should know. Know. Mine is domoneering. I read a book called toxic parents..helped me keep sane years zho. So hard as they have no boundaries.

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