Puffin

[Puffin]

Hi
I am not really sure what you mean. I think that you mean relationship status. If you do this is what I did. I changed all of the settings to private, removed my ex, his family and friends and then just removed my relationship status so it didn’t say anything not that I was single or anything.
I know people who have left social media sites and then set up new, private profiles. I might do that.
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
Well done for blocking him. I think that a feeling of being on high alert is quite normal after the end of an abusive relationship. For months every time I left a building I would check who was out there.

Make sure you are getting support from professionals too. Have you contacted your local women’s aid?

Stay strong.
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
Welcome back. I think I must have been one of the lucky ones. It only took me one go to register and apart from the first week the site works fine for me.
Hope you have no more problems with the site.
Oh and karmasister lets us know that if you view the forum by Topics it is much easier to follow which posts have been updated.
Xx

[Puffin]

Well done for taking such a big brave step. I can really recommend that you contact you local woman’s aid who will be able to provide support to you and your children.

I think it is normal to feel guilty. You have been conditioned to take the blame for him for a long time and it will take a while to get over this.

You will survive this and come out stronger. Get as much support as you can and take care of yourself (sleeping, eating well, exercise and relaxation).
Xx

[Puffin]

This is a good point. I think it is a combination of taboo and just total lack of understanding around dv. Most people think dv is obvious and that women (or men) who put up with it are stupid. Maybe there are a few charity shops scattered around the country. Also I would guess that the people managing refuges etc might be too busy to set up charity shops. maybe these charities don’t have so many volunteers as cancer and animal charities. Lots of people want to help with the obvious charities but there is much less sympathy for dv survivors.

[Puffin]

Hi
Nice to see everyone gradually returning.
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
Some of the things he has done do sound a bit manipulative. I had to stay off social media for a while until I was strong enough to unfriend and block him and people connected to him.

It is really hard when you miss them even though the rational side of you knows that he was, as you say, a liar, a cheat and a controlling manipulator. On the forum people always mention trauma bonding, maybe you could look it up.

You are doing really well and this is a hard time so try to be kind on yourself.
Sending hugs
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
It is very rare that abusive people change. That might if they go on a perpetrators course and have a reason to change. I agree with hopesprings that you should cut off contact with this man as if you go back to him it will probably get worse than it was before.
Contact your local woman’s aid and find out what support they can offer you.
Sending support and hugs
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
I am sorry that you are not feeling great. Are you getting any professional support? From your local women’s aid, freedom programme or counselling. Also you might find reading about abuse is helpful, a few books to start are why does he do that be Lundy Bancroft and living with the dominator by pat craven. Reading helps set things in context and make a bit more sense.

I felt similar to you I was scared of the future and thought I would be alone forever. But I not that bothered about being on my own for awhile now and the future is looking a lot better now I am not anxious and miserable constantly.

I hope you get some support in person as it really helps.
Sending hugs
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi
It is a shame that there isn’t a freedom programme running in your area. But I think that doing the online version is a good idea. It will help you recognise what was abuse in your previous relationship. There was probably a lot more than you realised, not just the obvious stuff. It will also help you if you get in another relationship.

Also I think it helps in my relationships with other people, I feel a little bit more confident saying something when other people are asking for too much.

If you have questions/ thoughts about the freedom programme post them here and we can be your virtual support group.
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi Mayflower
And hello to everyone. I am finding it a bit tricky to use the new site and I think my posts are being moderated too. I think there are still some issues with the new forum.

I don’t know where the old posts are. Have you tried emailing Lisa? Maybe you can send her a private message?

Hope you are all ladies are doing okay.
Xx

[Puffin]

Hi, nights can be hard especially if you aren’t sleeping very well. I find that I am okay until I stop and rest which of course I have to do at some point.

You can’t rush your healing, you will get better gradually over time, in your own time.

I believe the thoughts going round in your head are called mind chatter. At least that is what other people on here call it. It is a way for your mind to process what you have experienced. I found it really hard but it does gradually subside over time. I think minimising and rationalising is pretty common too.

I hope you got some sleep.
Xx

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