Rebirthaftertrauma

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Sound advice – thank you! The interview was even my idea, I do think it’s important that it’s logged – which it is, whether I give an interview or not. Will definately seek legal advice. And ask for domestic abuse police officers, feel like I’m walking into a trap.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Ive contacted the police- the man I spoke to was brilliant, didn’t see it as harressment and has organised an interview for me as he considered it a domestic. Also informed him of the contact my ex made to my previous partner (detail removed by moderator). I had informed the police at the time and was advised to ‘let it go’ (He made me feel like I was in the wrong & kept stating he can’t control or hurt you now, let it go, ignore it) the policeman tonight was really cross stating that it’s classed as domestic and wants me to mention it when interviewed. I had a call back from another officer to confirm the interview for later this week – this officer advised that my message could be classed as harressment! Throughout this process – from the beginning have been given mixed messages from the police.  I will be armed with the legal definition of harressment & remind them I don’t need re-traumatising – I only want it documented as evidence in case he escalates.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Thank you all so much for your support. I felt so confused when work called me about the report. And Lisa – I will take your advice and report to the police. It’s frustrating that as women we can’t unite and see each other as rivals / jealous women. In the early days I was blinded – mind I wouldn’t have contacted someone’s work & would definately be too curious not to apply for it

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

It sounded like that woman needed support, not judgement. I understand the focus was upon the children, however I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child, supporting parents is essential, unless it was the way it was edited? She might have said shes a great mum doing her best whilst feeling under constant fear (whether her ex was still a high risk threat or not – they commented that he hadn’t been in touch for a year? & There are other ways to continue to try and harress someone).

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

And they could have highlighted fact research shows mothers (generally) do their up most to maintain children’s safety in such dangerous situations. And the dangers of leaving – not having a safe exit plan…Sorry to rant- just those couple of comments in the documentary have got to me. Rant over.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Just finished watching it. Felt the same to be honest.
fuming at the comment someone made in the documentary that (about half way through) – we need to work with women to understand the effects of domestic abuse upon children. I took that in the context of victim blaming, maybe I am being over sensitive? Felt complete lack of understanding towards women suffering abuse, that it’s not that easy to just leave!

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Thanks ladies – I’ve had a look and wow – me saying I was leaving seemed to have caused him n**c rage, read an article on it and ticked all the boxes – harressment / stalking, Jekyll & Hyde, smear campaign, triangulation…

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

You are not alone. This is something I’m struggling with – the flip from love to wanting to destroy me (during relationship and even now it’s over) My head knows he is a narcissit, an abuser and wore a mask (his love, promises etc, red flags from beginning, his mask, persona slipped) but my heart – I guess wants to believe the lies. The truth is you don’t treat people you love, actually love doesn’t come into it – you don’t treat anyone the way an abuser does. Am trusting my heart will catch up with my head x

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I’m in a similar situation, it’s just me and my son (ex had children whom I got on great with – not seeing them is another loss – he will just make it difficult). Christmas & new year where so challenging – I aim to make this Christmas different. I’m learning to be alone & enjoy my own company (I’m in my (detail removed by Moderator) and can’t see me ever being intimate with someone again) & carving out a different future than I had imagined. Keep doing what your are – socialising etc, give yourself time, things will get better x

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

My ex was / is an alcoholic…functioning & charming (Would work but still manage to drink 8 – 10 cans a night, more on days off), on reflection he was addicted to porn, sex, weed…addiction is horrible. I wanted to blame his addiction but…How many addicts don’t abuse people? How could he control it around others? Abusive relationships are traumatic – it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. Allow yourself to grieve, be kind to yourself x

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Lover of no contact – thank you ♥️ You are right. Off social media now. As much as I worry his next supply, I also welcome her so the focus is off me.
Landy – everything he did to me, he’s saying I did. Projecting his guilt onto me. Realise now Every time he was verbal / physical he told his family / friends it was me, at the time I was keeping quiet, wanting to protect him (& shame). The level of manipulation and lack of insight – terrifying x

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Landy – I am / was in a similar position. Trust that your heart will catch up with your head ❤. It’s so much to process. Give yourself time to grieve (I see it as a loss of an imaginary man, the dream and reality world s apart) and begin to come to terms with trauma associated. Self care is so important at this time and moderation (I started to obsessively think, keeping busy and mindfulness has helped). I have found great support from the wonderful ladies on the forum, women’s aid and the helpline.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Thank you so much for this post. At the moment I can’t see myself ever moving on (can’t imagine ever being with anyone else, the pull to go back is so strong but this post has given me hope ❤

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Hi, I can totally understand why you made contact and the sense of relief. It’s hard but reinstate no contact.
Someone on the forum suggested that I read about trauma bonding which has helped me to start to understand and put my emotions in context – love isn’t abuse (in my head it’s still a battle – I’m not perfect, maybe it’s me, maybe he will change etc). Am constantly trying to keep busy (with low mood and lack of motivation this is challenging) to avoid making contact. I find writing helpful, I find it easier to challenge my thoughts once they are on paper, just an idea? X

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Hi Helovesmehesays – it is so hard, haven’t had contact with my OH since he was arrested. I want desperately at times to speak with him – though rationally I don’t know why, speaking to him won’t give me ‘closure’ but probably more questions and I know I would only get sucked back in. Constant battle between head and heart (if someone loves you they wouldn’t lie or physically assault you but what if he changes??? (Even as I write I know how ridiculous it is but I still think it). Keep strong x

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I think I should contact my GP again. It all feels surreal – like everyone here I imagine – I never thought this would happen to me. Thank you for your support tonight ♥️

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

Thank you – I think keeping active will help. Am going to get started today.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

At times I feel like I’m going crazy, so much has happened in a short space of time & he was meant to be my rock – after my mum passed things escalated and I should consider myself lucky things happened as they did – it only went on for a (detail removed by moderator) (lies from the beginning though and other red flags I’ve been reading about, even discovered a past history) – I know the facts but the cognitive dissonance- how could someone become such a monster? Why couldn’t I have looked at his behaviour rather than listen to his words? Yet I still want to talk to him. I’ve written letters and torn them up etc – this does get easier?

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I feel obsessed at times..I’ve started to read about trauma bonding and feels very much like an addiction to overcome. Going to start the freedom programme next week – which will hopefully help putting things into perspective. I would never risk my son but the overwhelming urges to make contact then the guilt I feel following this. Reading these forums have been an immense help – I really wished I had reached out sooner. My friends have been amazing – I feel so blessed, they have been nothing but supportive. I feel such a let down. I’m not even sure what making contact would achieve. He humiliated me years ago (he was my first love) and I allowed him again this time – only I never knew the depths he woukd go or the rages. The red flags from the beginning…

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

I feel addicted – the urge to make contact is so strong combined with the guilt I feel for wanting this…

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