RedFox

[RedFox]

It went well thanks. We Saw each other a third time and it was nice as well.
The more I seen him, the less doubts I have. He doesn’t feel he could be like my ex.
But because I start liking him more, I worry I am not good enough for him. I have insecurities and I worry he doesn’t want to see me anymore if I talk to him about them…

[RedFox]

I thought i was ready. Also I feel that waiting will make this even scarier.
I suffer from a phobia (nothing linked to this) and the only way to deal with it is to confront it regularly (otherwise it gets worse and worse overtime).
I don’t want to wait forever, I’ll never be ready and I need to have someone with me in this life or I’ll give up.
I just hope he is genuine. But how to find out whether someone is or not? And shall i talk to him about my fears? I guess it’s too soon.

[RedFox]

Thank you 🙂

Why does he do that (the first one) guided me through my escape. It opened my eyes and proved me I wasn’t crazy.
So maybe the second one would be good too. What’s the content’s like?
I have seen other books on Amazon, any thoughts?
– healing from hidden abuse by Shannon Thomas
– out of the fog by Dana Morningstar
– boundaries after a pathological relationship by Adelyn Birch

Thanks xx

[RedFox]

Thank you 🙂

He has messaged me again. Normally it was very factual things so I replied (about the house or his stuff) but I haven’t opened those because they say that he misses me and would like to see me again.
I feel so uncomfortable and even bad for him for not opening them (I shouldn’t I know but I can’t help it, it’s not like I have totally healed and I have missed him a little at times…..).

[RedFox]

Thank you ftc!
I am sorry to hear you are facing though times, take the time you need to get better and carry on getting the support you need for this.

This is all unfortunate and I wish things were different with my ex but I feel this horrible times have made me a better and wiser person. And I didn’t think I would have the strength to get out of this.
We can all be proud of ourselves for fighting the way we fight. I am sure all our abusers are bigger than us and scary but we are facing them and refusing the abuse.

[RedFox]

Hey,
It depends on what you want to do with the house / mortgsge. Every situation is different do it’s best to see a solicitor. Some offer 30 mins or an hour for free with basic advice. Just call lots until you find a free initial advice. I have seen several and felt like I had a good idea of my options (all giving tips and when added I felt I had a good picture of the situation).
You can also call right of women but it’s tricky to get them, in my experience CAB didn’t know anything but I found a list of solicitors on their website and some had the free initial advice.
I can discuss with you privately if you like and maybe I have some answers for you if you have a similar situation. Feel free to message me x

[RedFox]

Thank you all for your kind messages x

Who could i contact regarding the fact I fear being homeless?
I only have a month and a bit to find somewhere, it is so difficult to live with this fear. I don’t even know what to do with my furniture and belongings if I end up with nothing at the last minute.
I can’t focus on anything at all, work or anything in my life. Relaxing is impossible. I even almost got angry at my fur baby this morning but it isn’t his fault and I love him to bits.

Sharing is complicated because I worry I will be kicked out again. I worry my fur baby damages the furniture or is sick (he has been a lot recently and it is not nice).

I contacted my women’s aid but there is nothing they can do with housing for me and my pet.
I can’t move further because of work, everywhere at an ok distance of work is expensive (even tiny villages).

I don’t know who to ask for some help anymore. I don’t talk about the abuse, I haven’t fully reported my abuser and it is not an official fact. I am not English, i don’t know who can help with what… 🙁

[RedFox]

I have contacted my local women’s aid and hopefully we can discuss soon. But I don’t expect them to have the solution.. I am not sure what CAB could do either. Do they help with these issues?

I just find it so unfair that because I have a cat, i will probably not be able to rent. Sharing a house will be tricky for the same reason.
My furry baby has been key in what happened recently. He was the reason I drove back home in the evenings and the reason why I found the strength to leave my abuser. It might sound silly for some people but this is the reality.
I feel like a bad owner, not offering him the life he deserves. We will end up god knows where but it will probably not be nice.

[RedFox]

Thank you KIP.
I feel like it’s all gonna hit me when I’m finally out (if this day ever happens). I have been very sad all day. There is no interest in my house and I need to sell it to be free again.
In the meantime, as I kill myself to get everything ready, he just enjoys his life having sex with other girls and seeing his friends.
I want him to pay for all the pain he is putting me through.

[RedFox]

Thank you for the words.

I will talk to my local womens aid tomorrow, it was planned already but even more needed now.

I am letting myself being convinced it will be ok if I do as he says and then remembering I shouldn’t and he is abusing me again but I’m paralysed because he threats me not to use a solicitor. I worry it makes it all worse and it ends up in court and cost a fortune / take very long.

I am tired of it all.
I felt so close to the end and then it starts again and I can’t see a way to stop it anymore.

Him accusing me of what he does to me is horrendous, but he is good at doing it and I end up believing him. It’s the worst thing.
He lied on something he has done to me, saying I never said this thing but I have a recording of it.. it is so frustrating! I wish I could play it but it wouldn’t be wise.

[RedFox]

Well done for doing it,
enjoy these moments of freedom and peace with your babies! x

[RedFox]

I refused the video as well… I was shaking. The officer was very nice and understanding. He was patient and I stayed 1.5 hours at the station just for these 27 questions…
the problem is that it was clear they would talk to him if there was anything considered criminal and I think these two questions would have made the difference. I have a recording of the threat, he couldn’t lie for too long. But he will lie for everything else. They are horrible people.

There’s more manipulation coming now he promised to sort the rest out.
I can’t wait to be free again and not having to witness him being happy since he is seeing a lot of people..

[RedFox]

No you are right, I can’t trust a word he says.

So I went to the police today. They did the risk assessment, but unfortunately I held back everything, I was too scared they would talk to him (they have been very clear that they would if I disclosed criminal offenses). I couldn’t respond to the questions about the threats of killing me and if he ever strangled me.
I do not know if I should take another appointment and answer the questions this time (i left them blank). I worry so much about what would happen as I’m still under the same roof. It feels a bit like I let myself down today 🙁

[RedFox]

Thank you Maddog.

Did they respect your demand that they don’t talk to him?

I worry this made it all worse for me. I don’t know what is the right thing but I cannot change the past ans the appointment is due.

He has said he thinks we can now sort our finances out. I feel bad this come just before my police appointment. But there were so many lies over the years that this could be a new one and I can’t trust this person anymore.

[RedFox]

I have contacted them but I have forgotten to ask the above questions 🙁
They offered me to come with me but a friend of mine is gonna come and support me. I am so worried …

[Author]

Posts