searchingforhope

[searchingforhope]

You poor thing, I know the confusion and struggle for strength. Your gut will rarely guide you wrong.

The home and room you speak of are only material. You can make a loving caring environment in a place you are happy and at ease. Will that be in a place where you are knowingly returning with a safety plan?

Take your time. Let nobody rush you. DO what is right for you. I haven’t done that and really struggling with that now.

You need to be ok to care your your family xxx

[searchingforhope]

I agree with @twistedsister, use your supports, prioritise what needs to be done, look at what is most important for you and your family. Listen to your body, rest when it needs it. Eat properly, hydrate, get fresh air. You will get there xx

[searchingforhope]

Thanks TS. My name isn’t on house deeds but is on the mortgage. He’s lodged very little in the months since he left to the joint account, wouldn’t cover (detail removed by Moderator) mortgage payments. I’ve got nothing more from him, nor have I asked, as I anticipate his answer would be well this is your choice, you’ve created this.

I would think he would just move back in, at least then when he has time with kids they have somewhere to be with him rather than me leaving the house.

Thanks so much for your support.

My head is starting to churn again and my insides are in utter knots. I text him about meeting up so I can tell him, he hasn’t read the message. Probably, I think, in retaliation for me ignoring his “I love you” messages.

I’m so so tired of this now. all i want is to be through it now.

[searchingforhope]

@tiredofitall even what you have said there in your second post shows such strength. You are nearly there, keep going, I’m wishing I was as near the end as you are. xxx

[searchingforhope]

@Daffy03 I wish I had the answer for you. Hopefully others here will provide more guidance than I can.
Like you there are days I’m strong and I know what I want and I can figure this all out. And then its like I’m spiralling again into self-doubt. Similar to you he only did X, because I made him feel bad first or I didn’t support him properly or in the wrong way.

I feel embarrassed to talk to my supports now as I’m so near a huge step to move out and I’m so stuck where I am right now.

Try be kind to yourself. I think we have so much to process in the mess. xx

[searchingforhope]

Hold onto that sentiment to give you strength x

[searchingforhope]

What you have said is so true @twistedsister.

How can we build our belief in ourselves? I’m starting to think that is the key to the next step, just need to figure out how to believe in myself again.
I’m an educated person. I feel very embarrassed to be stuck in the situation I’m in now.

Hope you are all in a good place today. xx

[searchingforhope]

Congratulations to you and I hope your life gets happier and more at ease each day xxx Well done

[searchingforhope]

When you said you feel you need to grab yourself and shake yourself, it really hit a chord with me. I feel for you so much that you feel that way, as I know how horrible that is.
Saw a post today from Mel Robbins saying that when we have a bad day we should show ourselves self-compassion, see how far we have come and go easy on ourselves. I can understand how important that is but I struggle with it. I think so many of us on here seem too.
This is a horrible journey that I wouldn’t wish on any body. I hope I find the strength to keep going towards the next step. I really hope you keep finding strength too, don’t let him deflate you. You’re doing brilliantly.

xxx

[searchingforhope]

It is abuse and you are so amazing to be going on as you are. Well done.

I hope you can learn to believe in yourself. I hope we all can.

I have the very same doubts and I’m so close to making another huge step and the doubts are sky rocketing again.

Sending you love and strength. You can do this. xxx

[searchingforhope]

i feel your pain so much. I’m exactly where you are. Have keys, deposit paid but need to tell him again and kids.

I know in my gut I want to go, but in so many ways it feels I’m tied to him and keep getting pulled back or just can’t break free. I wish you find the stength as much and more than I do. No one deserves to feel this way.

The replies above are so useful, thank you.

Like you I’ve great support behind me, but it is definitely like searching through fog to find the way through. I like you feel very lost right now and I wish I had the answers. It’s such a lonely place to be, no matter what support you have doesn’t it?

Sending you love and strength

[searchingforhope]

Aww thank you. That is another good suggestion. I guess the sad thing about that is I have so many good things in my life that I should have good self-belief, its just he has made me question myself so much with his dismissing of the issues I’ve raised with him and questioning everything I did for him. i only ever had the best intention. But he has explained everything away by saying, well I only did X because you did whatever first. So that’s why my self belief is on the floor. I’ve called him out on a sexual assault which he has apologised for, but then defended and dismissed, and how great he is for still wanting him back despite me accusing him of that. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
My feelings aren’t valid. Like I can’t think for myself as his voice seems to live in my head. I wonder how’s the best way to overcome that.
I work fulltime, so realistically fitting in volunteering isn’t an option, but I need to start doing something more regularly for myself.

[searchingforhope]

Thanks, maybe that’s exactly whats needed, a build up of little things. xx

[searchingforhope]

I know exactly what you mean

[searchingforhope]

I’m the same, he has no idea the impact his words or actions have on me.

According to him, it’s all me. I’ve created this separation. It was my choice!

I really need to start to believe in myself. Like you I’m forcing myself to move forward, but I’m getting to stage that I’ll have to tell him and move out soon and tell the kids and the overwhelm and fear is paralysing me.

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