Stuck in The mud

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Lisa
My abuser was a bully and controlling of friends also , very narcissistic and the traits fuelled the abuse , very long term controlled by my fear of threats. The romantic relationship ended for me many years ago under attacks .I started the break away from this person (detail removed by Moderator) years ago and finally he was removed by police from the house (detail removed by Moderator)  years ago . He has apparently been medicated since for mental health issues.
I had been in a bad situation for many years , not a relationship, a dictatorship. I said never again all that time after an awful marriage but now I’m thinking it would be nice to have the experience of a good relationship . I haven’t entered a relationship for (detail removed by Moderator)  years so it’s scary itself without the added concerns of abusers / narcissists .

[Stuck in The mud]

Twisted sister thank you so much I will definitely look at that x

I feel split , scared to get involved with someone but feel I want to experience everything nice about a relationship .I also feel strongly that we can’t give abusive people satisfaction that they’ve destroyed us permanently and stay alone because of fear x

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Lisa , it’s worked for me so want others to give it a try.If I knew 2 years ago to approach it this way I think I would be in a better situation now .Being a jumbled mess and going over and over stuff has delayed me building a new life without abuse

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Lisa & Weemebreeze

We have to try to understand and work out the best ways of processing things as I realised he was still controlling my thoughts and that’s not acceptable and needs to be dealt with and ended ! I don’t want to waste any more of my life troubled by this vile creature and replace my thoughts with me and what I am and will always be dispite him !!!!!

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Lisa & Weemebreeze

We have to try to understand and work out the best ways of processing things as I realised he was still controlling my thoughts and that’s not acceptable and needs to be dealt with and ended ! I don’t want to waste any more of my life troubled by this vile creature and replace my thoughts with me and what I am and will always be dispute him !!!!!

[Stuck in The mud]

Thank you ladies , means a lot x
At times my head is so full with issues and I have a heavy heart you question if you’ve done the right thing ! It’s been really hard couple of years and I can’t see changes until I can make a fresh start ! I don’t think living in the same house is helping me it holds too many bad memories somewhere new would eliminate that part and would have a knock on effect of getting new friends , area etc that don’t know my past. I’ve not had councilling which I think I need to do.It’s tough I feel for everyone going through this , we’ve had to be strong for so long the reality is emotions will surface now frequently x

[Stuck in The mud]

Hi I gained a non molestation order on my husband after he was arrested. You can get one if still living together it protects you from abuse and can result in arrest if terms are broken . Speak to womens aid who will give you solicitors contact info to discuss .Non molestation orders are free but do require going to court , they last 1 year but can be extended with proof of risk .I also got an occupancy order to prevent him coming back to the house .Mine was during Covid so had telephone court which was less stressful

[Stuck in The mud]

Same for me , all the emotions we hid came out I put on a strong act during the abuse and after he’d gone I was so happy but kept that way for a while , gradually walks coming down and relaxing the past can be visited .I hadn’t dealt with it then , I hadn’t grieved for people that had died either as was so intent on being strong and not showing weakness. It’s a rollercoaster , your heads always full but I try to sieve through the thoughts deal with one at a time and don’t go over and over the same incidents. You realise how vile and pathetic these people really are and how special you actually are which they didn’t ever want you to know x

[Stuck in The mud]

That’s sad Herewegoagain , we have the problem of our children seeing & hearing the abuse we tolerated sometimes they’ll go down that path .I would suggest you get some counsilling for your son over what happened to you so he can understand it’s not how life is x

[Stuck in The mud]

Think we all replay incidents in our heads and try to make sense of it all , we are not weak , they make us weak ! Being strong is what made us escape from them and looking back they were very weak individuals, I feel ashamed I allowed the treatment I endured. Now we need to process the situation, accept it happened , it’s over & with heads held high move on smiling as the strong women that we are x

[Stuck in The mud]

Get a non molestation order on him to protect yourself, if he breaks the order he will go to prison.

[Stuck in The mud]

I had this experience for many years , the police came once and said we just had a row even though I had smashed windows & tv they left with no help for me ! it stopped me reporting incidents and obviously many more happened because my abuser witnessed the police not getting involved ! It took me to say enough is enough after I was kicked by him I called the police , he was arrested but not charged but a young police officer put me in contact with womens aid and I gained non molestation and occupancy orders .The police officer also apologised for all the times I didn’t get help and had to live with the daily abuse for many years . Please don’t remain trapped in a situation like I did , protect yourself now x

[Stuck in The mud]

numbumblebee : You’ve had a horrific experience sorry that happened to you . I believe my soft drink was spiked once , with what I don’t know but I was violently sick after drinking it , had sweats and felt light headed ! I don’t drink alcohol as he was an alcoholic and it completely turned me against alcohol! (detail removed by Moderator) headphones bring their own issues but I do use them when I walk along my street as his friends live there and comments have been made towards me because of the vile smear campaign he started against me after he was arrested for assaulting me.
It’s an ongoing process for us all people assume he’s gone so it’s over ! Don’t think it ever can be in your head we just have to use coping skills to move forward positively x

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Auriel , yes I definitely need to move , too many reminders and fear I will see him if he visits local friends !

[Stuck in The mud]

Thanks Auriel it’s knocked me tbh I’m a bit teary and have a banging headache from the incident but reflecting I’m thankful it doesn’t happen to me anymore , I’m not totally convinced I won’t see my abuser at some point which makes me anxious too .I need to move away from the house that has bad memories trapped everywhere, thanks for your support x

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