Wheresmysparklegone

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Wow that could be my life exactly. I took comfort in reading your situation, even if that sounds strange but I have been going through the same.  I’ve too become distant because I feel disconnected from him but because I’ve been like that he is making out to be the victim and I’m the gaslighter!  He has worn me down and I’ve tried to leave.  Things got really bad at the weekend, quite violent. It was terrifying. I’m now getting the sorry’s and how bad he feels etc. I’m bruised in all sorts of places. We don’t live together so I don’t have any financial ties, but what is stopping me saying it’s done?  Do I hate myself that much? I look at the bruises and say I must be worth more than this.  I need the strength to say that’s it!

 

[Wheresmysparklegone]

I needed to read these posts tonight. I’m (detail removed by Moderator) years in, should have left 5 years ago. I’m not getting any younger and want to enjoy what I have left! I don’t understand why I can’t say, ‘I don’t want to be with you’. I’m sure he knows but won’t let me go! I am independent, I don’t rely on him yet I’m off to see him tomorrow and I’m dreading it. Keep thinking how am I going to get out of going. I wish I knew the answer. It’s caused massive rifts in my family.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

They think I am just wanting drama and attention but I really don’t. I just want peace!

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Thank you for your replies. I think you’re right about people knowing. They have seen his behaviour before, not with me and have said they think he’s probably ‘challenging’. I’m so done with it all x

[Wheresmysparklegone]

The Red Line. This is such a good way of putting it. Its made me realise that my whole floor is painted red too. I keep thinking next time he crosses that line that Will be it. Then I move the line again. Its very frustrating.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

You’ve made such a big step. If you go back you’ll kick yourself. Please persevere with it. Im sure it is completely the right decision. You got your own place for a reason. Think what made you leave. Maybe right down all the things that have happened and when you get a weak moment read them back to yourself.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Thanks Braelynn. Boundaries for me is something I really do need to work on. I’ve realised in my later years that I have not set clear and firm boundaries so get walked over. I’m getting more comfortable with myself and just want a peaceful but fun life, no stress. I think I’m scared of the reaction when I go. Its not going to be easy. Thank you for replying.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Its so incredibly hard to leave. My friends and family really don’t understand it. Also if this was happening to any of my friends I would say the same thing. Until you’re in it you don’t realise how difficult it is.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Also he thinks I have brought the property i own to rent out.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

I did read the thread ‘this is my abuser’ and I could have ticked most of the traits, not all but enough. I’m not sure what I’m scared of. I can see an easier more peaceful life without him. He gets in fights too, more verbal but very scary

[Wheresmysparklegone]

I’m not very good at explaining things! I feel very controlled. There are situations that I can’t even describe how I feel on here. The pit in the stomach feeling. I’m sure someone will know what I mean

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Yes that’s what all my friends/family say.
I think he knows exactly what to say to make me feel his behaviour is all my fault. He is so convincing. I know I’m going to be made to look thr bad one. I think I care too much what people think and he knows that.

[Wheresmysparklegone]

These posts are great. The Red Line, wow, never looked at it this way before. Yes, my whole floor is RED. Having read these posts I think I have just moved the red line again in front of me, saying next time that will be it. But he does something again and I just sit there and keep the peace. My partner is controlling. He doesn’t think he is. I also get the evil face shouty face. Its awful. Sometimes shouted at for hours it’s exhausting. Thats just for being friendly with the neighbours. Its ridiculous. Reading these posts is really helpful 🧡

[Wheresmysparklegone]

Me too. Wow the red line is crossed almost daily.ots not easy to just walk away. I have no idea why that is!

[Wheresmysparklegone]

This is my first post on here. I can take pieces from all these posts. He doesn’t do all of them but that doesn’t make him not an abuser. I get told who I can and cant talk to. I’m banned from going to our local pub. I think he hates me having friends. He never has a good word to say for any of them. Even my family. I’m going to try and read the book you mention. Thanks for this

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