brandnewme

[brandnewme]

Hi
I stayed in your situation for (detail removed by Moderator) yrs , thinking he will change, i am making to much of it, remembering the good times , believing all the promises
when i called womans aid the advisor said they never change.
He just dragged me down and nearly ruined my job, impacted on my kids and caused misery.
listen to your gut, which i am guessing is telling you this is not normal and okay and do what you have to do sooner rather than later xxxx big love to you xxxx

[brandnewme]

Poor you!
They will try anything when they know you have had enough and want out as they have lost their control and power over you.
Stay strong and get the advice suggested but be very careful as this is when they escalate and it can get messy and even dangerous.
This is abuse from what you have said, you and your kids deserve better and I admire your strength.
I know how hard this is especially when you think about the “nice times” , I have been in this loop and got him to go twice before and both times were very messy and I listened to all his promises to change and get help, stop drinking etc and had him back , this is my third and final time and I have wised up , changed the locks have gone no contact (mostly!) and am not listening to his BS,waiting fro barrister to contact with a court date to try and get a non molestation order and a court order.
It is hard but i know i owe it to my kids in the long run and i am starting to understand i owe it to myself.
Good luck , keep posting xxx

[brandnewme]

i have only text him to say i am not ready to talk to him (trying to buy time)and about the weird bank transaction other than that i have done no contact.
i am scared of him!
he has sent tons of texts that i have ignored.
I was worried if i completely ignore him he will harass the kids via text more to “make” me respond.But he is hardly bothering with them??? so confused
Yes have spoke to womens aid , i have done my witness statement and felt numb , i did not even cry , feels like a dream?
i have also let my housing officer know as there is a DV clause in tenancy and have spoken to local DV advisor and booked an appointment.
I am speaking to soliciter through DV assist in the morning.
Any idea how quick they can do the interim order KIT?

[brandnewme]

You sound like an amazing woman with a gift for articulating yourself perfectly.
This is what these men do , this is how they hook us in and abuse us, mess our minds up etc.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT
I want to reach out and hug you if i could!!

[brandnewme]

Be very cafeful , he may escalate if he see’s you getting stronger , try and act the same if you can , my ex got alot worse when I became stronger. Talk to your mental health worker and tell them you are making plans, they may do a DASH assessment to work you level of risk. keep focused in my expeience and research they never change despite there promises ,

[brandnewme]

my ex even parrots the language back , so i if talk about taking responsibility , not being childish etc he will then use this back on me in a different contxt (detail removed by Moderator)

[brandnewme]

Thanks ladies , its a bloody joke!
im so scared if i do not get the occupation order he will try and get back in the home .
i have not even started to think about divorcing (detail removed by Moderator)
i have just read my tenancy agreement that has a clause in it about DV not being tolerated so have contacted housing officer to see how we can get his name of the joint tenancy that way???

[brandnewme]

Thanks ladies , its a bloody joke!
im so scared if i do not get the occupation order he will try and get back in the home .
i have not even started to think about divorcing (detail removed by Moderator)
i have just read my tenancy agreement that has a clause in it about DV not being tolerated so have contacted housing officer to see how we can get his name of the joint tenancy that way.

[brandnewme]

I believe you.
my abuser was the same , everyone thought what a great laid back caring guy.
But they still believed me.
get yourself out with your little girl ASAP.
My eldest daughter ended up in a DV relationship for a short while because that was her “normal”
Take care xxx

[brandnewme]

get out now.
this is an abusive man.
he can not change.
don’t be fooled and think.
get ou whilst you can.
i lived your life for (detail removed by moderator) years and only just have found the strength to get him out. this has nothing to do with his recovery.this is about abuse

you will never get this time back, he may have things in common and have some amazin days but the abuse will always happen and evidence says it will get worse.
don’t get fooled

[brandnewme]

get out now.
this is an abusive man.
he can not change.
don’t be fooled and think.
get ou whilst you can.
i lived your life for (detail removed by moderator) years and only just have found the strength to get him out. this may be to do with his recovery.
you will never get this time back, he may have things in common and have some amazin days but the abuse will always happen and evidence says it will get worse.
don’t get fooled

[brandnewme]

no way am i going anywhere.
my neighbours are brilliant and will be round in a shot.
he thinks he will win me back by making loads of grand gestures and texts, already so i can relax a bit.(for todayanyay !)
its like a roller coaster isnt it!!
it will be risky again after they have served the papers i think?
so i may go away then? but my adult daughter is here, she has work etc and i dont want to disrupt everyone.
i just have to stay focused and not beleive all his promises because ive heard them all so many times in (detail removed by moderator) yrs
thanks for all your support today diy mum xxx you are fab xxx

[brandnewme]

You can not trust these men and he is likely to be trying to get control by potentially messing your housing plans up.
Don’t mention it to LA and anyway he may come back and demand to move back in , imagine how nice a new home and a fresh start on your terms will be and the LA rent is a lot cheaper x

[brandnewme]

You are not being stupid at all.
sounds like you really need to unpick all the feelings and seek some support from your local sexual assault service to look at this.
stay strong xxx

[brandnewme]

yeah, i am really starting to see the patterns now.
they do not ever change, the lady on helpline was clear about that as its there underlying and fundamental belief system and is impossible for them to be any different.
I have been on edge all day, can not leave the house in case he tries to get back in (he done this before and me and kids were homeless)
friends of mine and our neighbours are right behind me , but he is trying to spread his narrative to anyone who will listen.
he dies the poor me, she is the love of my life and can not live without her repertoire
i have heard it and seen it all before over the (detail removed by moderator) yrs and just can not suck it up.
i have been shrewd and protected my money (last time he cleared my bank out) I have changed locks, got my phone numbers of neighbours on the fridge and next to my bed, prepped kids to not let him in (they do not want to!) the (age removed by moderator) year old still has not noticed he has gone, so little input did the abuser have .
i have got the predictable texts about how he plans to change etc

I’m just ignoring them, scared that the angry stage will ramp up again but have nothing to offer.
my eldest (age removed by moderator) said we need to get camera up as she is worried he is capable of anything, that really shocked me.

[brandnewme]

Thanks for replying diymum.
I am so stressed , i cant eat or sleep.
Womens aid called back and have advised for me to call dv assist who said they will proceed with my case , now hoping i do not earn to much and legal aid will pay?
He is prowling round the village we live in , offloading his hard luck story (his warped version) to anyone who will listen, i feel pretty embarrassed but it is a small price to pay.
My adult daughters are right behind me and have said they will support me as you know, the kids know what they are really like!
I understand why your daughter was scared of him though 🙁
i have various police logs over the yrs and calls to womens aid, so hope that helps in court.
He also made me and the kids homeless once as he felt entitled to be in the property !
locks changed, friends on board .
gotta get my finacial info to DV assist now.
thanks again

[Author]

Posts