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    • #117685
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      can only say all best wishes … you will get through all this xxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #117371
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      yep it is draining … yes he often answers a question w a question time i used that trick too haha .. using it now as matter of fact – its really useful!!! haha Camel its so easy obvs … even he can do it .. need to maintain sense of humour – thx for yr support … x

    • #117368
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      i think once i decided in my mind it was possible then started to face the practicalities i started to find courage n respect myself for it… gaining respect for self despite his brainwashing is key … because if i was firmer in my values i wdnt have fallen for him in the first place … so never too late to find the courage … day by day. Getting help to leave is my little secret which means he doesnt know everything .. He lies too .. to hurt me – that is disloyal. I lie to help me – that is loyalty. Keep faith in right direction – we will get to peace … or if not, as much peace as is possible in this life – which means getting out doesnt it?

    • #117367
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      yes i got that book on kindle …sadly some yrs ago now … and yes i shdve left cept took me till now to summon the strength to start the process … please join me! Never too late to be a person in yr own right … not gonna be easy but i hv separated mentally – gave him chance after chance even tho i really know he is not on my wavelength only on his own. So be it.

    • #116989
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      what KIP said is what I’m hanging to too xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #116988
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      warm thoughts xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #116983
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      can recommend SelfLoveU blogspot website – going there myself right now! or look for jenna ryan youtube videos … she knows how abuse feels and has come out the other side with some wisdom and validation to share.(Link removed by Moderator)

    • #116982
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      can recommend SelfLoveU blogspot website – going there myself right now! or look for jenna ryan youtube videos … she knows how abuse feels and has come out the other side with some wisdom and validation to share.

    • #116980
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      love means you care how someone feels.

    • #116979
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      yes i think you have a point re back doors left unlocked – i think maybe speak to whoever runs the place abt yr feelings … I’m glad they feel safe but you need reassurance that you really **are** safe – they need to give that to you not fob you off with that comment. All best I know it’s difficult xxxxxxxxxxx

    • #116978
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      yup thats wot i think too.

    • #116977
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      hey Coogoo … can relate – mine always telling me im bonkers n should take my meds – im off meds cos they didnt help and determined not to get depressed again … not surprising i couldnt face reality … all that shouting n blaming …defining your reality … they are def more bonkers than we are!

      Never too late to live in peace w’out ppl who are so intolerant n lacking humility that they are human beings n do cruel things to make themselves feel better. They have the same mentality as fanatics – they are dangerous – its not you … they make us so angry. It’s important we do not descend to their level else they will use it against us. It’s understandable and forgiveable but not useful to ourselves.

      I myself managed to get through to domestic abuse site and got assessment n they will help me safely get rid of him – hope you too. It is v difficult I know but we only got one life – surely we no less than others deserve a bit of happiness – buddha apparently said that so must be true xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #116691
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      well done Hetty and all best … hope u can get some rest.

    • #116690
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      thanks Camel – hes suspicious … asked me right out if ive decided to divorce – i told him well it looks v likely unless things change but I’d like to think they can … but obvs can’t happen overnight if we are to turn this all around. I would not give him definitive answer cos dont know wot he will do obvs – plus willing to see what he suggests/ does … basically i need to play this for time for **me** – sry bout that mate!

      Meantime he is withholding money meant for Xmas etc pending getting my answer but I pre-empted this and (detail removed by Moderator) when police came – took half of cash left over after groceries etc for past (detail removed by Moderator) wks meant for Xmas n birthdays etc … if he checked then he didnt notice. I think this is fair precaution – specially since he says if we divorce he is entitled to half of my stuff. ok then. Has given me some spending money after I insisted … im not going to be stupid abt this tho. I wd like to be honest but my experience is he will use it against me.

      Does he honestly think we can get through this’? He said that he wanted to stop all the arguments and if either of us [meaning him] feel antagonised over anything then the convo must stop. I asked him that since he told me i could not criticise him, then if we are to continue on positive path, please advise how I can let him know if I feel antagonised [!] as he has said he doesnt want me to criticise him … this is confusing to me… guess what I am yet to get an answer on that one.

    • #116618
      FacingRealityAtLast
      Participant

      thanks for this thread – can relate a bit – think this is beauty of this site – can say how you really feel, get stronger inside so dont rely just on yr friend who might not fully understand and might hv their own problems …Might allow room for listening to her troubles too?

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