Happyskies

[Happyskies]

@mellow I’m so sorry you’re going through this. you’ve got so much on you’re plate. I promise it gets better. have you tried looking up the have ING technique? Paul mckenna has it free on YouTube. I found it really helped me a lot with soothing difficult memories.

[Happyskies]

lots here but I think the first thing that popped out at me is you having dreams. sometimes that can be a sign of ptsd. EMDR therapy is really good for helping to heal trauma and could help. have you tried your GP? mine were really clued up and good about it, and arranged counselling and EMDR. I think CBT is mainly for intrusive thoughts? which is a bit different to ptsd – which is when your body gets stuck in responding to danger even though the danger has passed now. Mindfulness can be good to start to notice your thoughts too, if you’ve become so used to them being there, sometimes it’s hard to know when you’re having them (hope that makes sense). Also worth mentioning, I had a similar situation with not knowing what I needed with women’s aid – so they let me try a session of each thing to get an understanding. I think it’s really common and they’re used to it, so might be worth calling them back and seeing if they could make some suggestions of how to start? for me, they arranged a more in depth talk with someone and then Tey gave me a few pointers. I tried a couple of their services and stuck with the ones that felt like they were a good fit. well done on all you’ve achieved.

 

hope that’s some help. well done and keep going. x

[Happyskies]

thank you, it means a lot to read that. really grateful 🙏

[Happyskies]

I’m just going to add this in here too: I’m really worried that I was abusive myself. I became so crazy, am I just as responsible? I’m so worried and scared all the time. what if I can’t ever leave all this behind? what if I can’t move on properly?

[Happyskies]

Thanks cyber blonde. That’s really reassuring to know. I’ll watch it… I’ve almost finished the book KIP suggested and it’s really helped. I’d definitely recommend it.

[Happyskies]

Thanks KIp, that’s really helpful. I’ll definitely try that x

[Happyskies]

Thanks Lisa. I’ve had lots of support and I’m so grateful. I don’t know what’s best to do at the moment. It’s been such a long time now i feel i should be over it but I’m not. I think about it at the back of my mind all the time. Mostly it’s feeling embarrassed at work all day or going into fight or flight for normal things which is embarrassing too.

Counseling sometimes brings up feelings so i don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I have to stop looking back and be in the now at some point or it’s just going to swallow up the next few years too. I don’t know what to do!

[Happyskies]

Thanks Auriel. It’s so nice to be able to have this forum to talk about these things. I don’t think I’d be able to say it anywhere else. Thanks xxx

[Happyskies]

I really identify with everything you’re saying. I’m really struggling not to feel shame at the moment. I think 🤔 had a very public breakdown and totally destroyed myself when it happened. Some of the things that happened were sore degrading i thought i was an animal sometimes. I started wearing pyjamas outside and not changing because I didn’t want people near me and i thought i wasn’t really there. It’s really tough not to let the negative worries get to me and keep my head up. People have said a lot of terrible things about me and i can’t deny they aren’t true. I think i did a lot of disgusting things because i came to believe i was disgusting and just had never realized it before. I felt embarrassed that it had taken so long for me to realise it.

I now have to go to work every day and try to smile at people as if none of it happened. I have big memory blocks so i just wonder always if i met these people already and if they think I’m like that. I don’t know how to move on

[Happyskies]

I really empathize, i used to go to bed with a hammer in case they came for me.

Can you ask your go if they can arrange EMDR therapy? I had that recently and it’s really helped me a lot.

[Happyskies]

In addition to comments above, have you contacted shelter (detail removed by moderator)? They can help advocate for you, so if the council are dragging their feet, shelter can help to shift things along.

[Happyskies]

Hi iamout

I realised i didn’t mention EMDR therapy. Things really made a positive turn after i had those EMDR sessions so i would really recommend that.

[Happyskies]

Hi iaout.

I wet back to work with undiagnosed PTSD. It was really scary and sometimes embarrassing. I was taking anti anxiety medicine.

It was really difficult and i would get triggered. However, i did confide in m Lin make early on about what was going on for me and it made all the difference.

I learned to feel when things were coming on so i could find a quiet place to calm down.

You can use tricks like keeping a notebook on you so you can write out triggers as thy re happening, use calming tokens that meansomthing to you so you can hold onto hem to calm down, and do Dee breathing to calm yourself.

Alot of work places have good domestic abuse and mental heath policies now so if you can face it, i would definitely think about thing your workplace. If you have an official diagnosis, I’m pretty sure that it’s a protected characteristic in law, which means provision to help you be on a ‘level playing field’ should be made.

Mostly, i have to say i as really positively surprised at how understanding most people were. Colleagues for the mostprt showed me so much kindness and understanding and really helped me develop my skills no matter what. It meant i could get a promotion quite quickly and really get on ith my life.

[Happyskies]

I can really relate to all you are saying. It’s years now since things have been safe in my life but it still affects me. I feel like i have to spend so much time working on myself so I can be normal. Even the smallest things set me off and I’m reading the room constantly to check things are ok. It’s really tiring. Recently my first boyfriend tried to add me on social media – it wasn’t a happy time and i really don’t think that was even a healthy relationship, even though it wasn’t as bad as the one that sent me round the bend .. . It’s thrown me into a bit of a wobble. I can’t understand how they have such a different view of what happened between us? How can I feel so upset and nervous of them and they have the sort of impression that we would want to get back in touch? It really makes me doubt myself. Maybe i expect too much from other people?

I’m having quite a hard time at the mo with accepting that I’ve wasted all this time. Life is so short, and I’ve spent a lot of mine in relationships with abusive types, or trying to get over the abuse. I feel like I’ve wasted precious time that I’ll never get back now. I feel really guilty and remorseful about this and have so many regrets. I’m trying to stay in the moment and I’m so grateful for my life now, but it does sometimes seem like when things are getting better, someone creeps out of the woodwork to bring me back to the past . I just want to forget it all!

[Happyskies]

Well done! So glad to read this xxx

[Happyskies]

Thanks both. Yes, it’s worse when I’m stressed. If i find any info on how to improve it I’ll post it here.

[Happyskies]

Hi hopelifejoy. Thanks so much for your advice. I’ll definitely take those things on board. I’m really glad you have found ways of dealing with the uncertainty in a such powerful and assertive ways. Really grateful too that you took the time to share those helpful tools with me.

Rainboww,so sorry you’re going through this at the moment. Have you tried your GP? I went last year and found that they were really knowledgeable about what was affecting me and really helped with things alot. I don’t have children so i don’t have direct advice on dealing with that but I do know about anxiety – i found gentle exercise and breathing techniques really help, being kind to yourself as much as you can, and using music to help steer your moods. So using gentle music to calm down or empowering songs to help you feel stronger. Online there are some good lists of activities that can help cause a certain emotional response in you, for example, a walk in nature can cause your body to create dopamine, which is a chemical that causes you to feel pleasure. I also follow sketches for stillness on social media which is comforting. There’s a free PDF you can search online called Feeding Minds. Page 40 has a table that tells you what foods. You can eat more of to generate certain responses. https://documentcloud.adobe.com/link/review?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:b4166efa-ce83-4873-80e0-69f89c696351

[Happyskies]

Hi Dizzyfossil.

Thanks so much for your response. It really means so much and a really big help. I was contemplating just giving in today and cancelling my exercise sessions but seeing your message made me decide to carry on anyway. Thank you.

I hope you are finding your way through as well. much love to you as well. Keep going 🙂🙂

[Happyskies]

Well do me! This is so brilliant. I’m so glad you’re having a good time. Well done!

[Happyskies]

Thank you so much ladies. That’s really so helpful to read through your messages. I’ll definitely take a look at your suggestions, and it really does make such a big difference to come and dis this stuff with you in this forum.

[Happyskies]

Hi,

I feel the same. Its about (detail removed by Moderator) years since my unbearable experience but (detail removed by Moderator) years since the last lot of manipulation. I started going out with my current partner almost a year after the last person was unhealthy. I find that I’m completely different to how I was before. I feel like I’m grieving for who I could have been. I’m waiting for emdr therapy but I have episodes of being suspicious of my partner. He really deserves much better behaviour and I can’t stand that I’m like this with him. I isolated myself from everyone so I only have a couple of new friends that I trust, who are doubted about the globe now! I want to put it all behind me and stop feeling ashamed of myself and what I’ve done and the things that happened. How can I accept this and be a better person?

[Happyskies]

thanks. this means a lot xxx

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