lostandbroken

[lostandbroken]

Aww thank you ladies, xxx

[lostandbroken]

Aww thanks for your lovely words it really means a lot.

Just feeling a lot of the baby blues at the moment, his world wins friendship is greatly missed but It was all an act, I guess ‘love bombing’. Sucked me right in, but I’m not feeling the romance of it, he was just really kind and supportive never left my side.

We had a meeting at my home, his third patty and my third party here too to come up with some plans for the children. He literally never stopped his abuse in front of them. Told me he thinks I was u see the illusion that I wanted him back, I think more like he was waiting for me to cave and tell him I love him. No chance would I ever give him that satisfaction.
Then had the nerve to ask can we do a deal on child support 😂

He’s showing me his true colours time and time again, and it’s now time to believe it for myself and now the pressure of birth is out the way I can now fully recover and move forward.

Xx

[lostandbroken]

Thank you both for your support, I really do appreciate it.

I’m going to give it one go, I’m not having him at the house I’m meeting him in a public place. I have no fear that he would refuse to return my daughter, he wouldn’t be able to live his single life otherwise.

No I don’t have an order in place I’ve been trying to avoid anymore difficulties to my daughter. If today is a flop and I find myself head mushy again I will revaluate the situation and use family for third contact.

I’m hoping I can handle the situation with courage and confidence, if this proves difficult I will stop the contact again.

And hazy days no I haven’t had the baby yet, but not long to go xx

[lostandbroken]

My third party explained the situation and informed him I have unblocked him for child only contact. He did message to ask for a couple of specifics for our child’s day with him, and said her hopes me and baby are ok. I have researched the grey rock method, which I responded with using that. And that’s how I plan to continue.

It would make sense for me to use another third party, but I’m putting my child’s interest at best, it’s already weird for her I don’t want to make it anymore weird by passing her from pillow to post.

He’s been cooperative through third party And has been warned that if he starts any games or be insensitive he will he blocked again.
I also plan to have family around me when he drops her off. I hope this will work out this way round xx

[lostandbroken]

Not a couple of days, a couple of weeks x

[lostandbroken]

Sorry shapes and sizes x

[lostandbroken]

He is a fantastic father I have to admit, and i get that, he may have a soul and be going through his crap too, I don’t know. My third party has given him a kick up the back side and told him the troubles I am having with his child so he’s stepped up, a bit.
I’m still zero contact and will remain that way until I am strong enough.

The way I am forcing myself to see it now is families And homes come in all different shoes and sizes. My family is a mixture of friends and other family members. She is becoming a lot more settled and we spend a lot of time with these people. My home is not broken anymore because I am becoming stronger by the day. And I am forcing myself to look ahead on a brighter note, hoping to book a holiday with the family after lock down and definitely one for next year. Move home etc. It’s baby steps for now but having a little something to look forward to is helping. Xx

[lostandbroken]

Balloons I’m just mentally and physically exhausted with it all. I’ve been getting out everyday to keep myself busy I think I’m over doing it now.

Hazy I’m so sorry you went through that, how devastating for you and your children 💔

I look at her and just cry, mornings she looks for him in the lounge (because he stopped coming to bed he slept on the couch)‘where are you daddy’ That breaks me! He’s giving her (detail removed by moderator) hours a week, that also upsets me. When he split with his other daughters mum there was a huge deal about the child, always has been. Don’t understand why it’s not happening with our (detail removed by moderator) year old!! She deserves nothing but the best, she’s just so cute and she’s missing out on her daddy! X

 

 

[lostandbroken]

I don’t know he’s being amicable through them, playing the ball in my court. X

[lostandbroken]

I am on zero contact, I have him blocked on everything. I haven’t seen or spoke to him since he left. We have been communicating through my third party for contact with his daughter. X

[lostandbroken]

I arrived home from work and everything he wanted to take has gone. Everything was tided Fixed and cleaned perfectly, I immediately fell apart as I saw this as a mark of respect for me and his child / unborn child. He must have spent all day doing it as the jobs were huge. He did have to enter the property which was previously agreed, so I know he’s seen that I’ve removed all of our photos from the aroun the home.

I feel so sad this morning, didn’t sleep at all last night. I miss him so much 💔

[lostandbroken]

I too am in your position, he wasn’t always abusive I fact quite the opposite he was amazing. But he had a nasty side and it came out in front my children, name calling and culver swearing. It didn’t take much to make him explode either. He has been violent in the passed, but that stopped after a police charge, then came the verbal and emotional abuse. He was an alcohol and drug abuser, it was when he was drinking he became nasty and violent, or until he had his first smoke in the morning.

Away from that, he was Lovely to me and the kids.

Until one day after an argument he left and totally discarded me. This part is soul destroying for me, as I kind of resent him for his quick discard because I’d forgiven and settled for so much throughout the relationship. I am heavily pregnant also. Take each day as it comes, we will recover x

[lostandbroken]

Woke up with the same rubbishy sick anxious feeling, whilst processing everything that’s happening. He’s coming to collect the rest of his stuff this week, and to repair some damages he’s done to the house during some of his rages.

I think once his stuff has gone, then he has no reason to be lingering around. My neighbour will have the key and watch what he’s doing and I will be out of the way whilst it’s happening.

Once this is finally done he has no reason to come back. I’ve cleansed the house of him, nothing of his face anywhere now and replaced with photos of me and my daughters and family.

I feel physically sick and shaking, I hope this passes soon.

I have chosen to return to work at the office, it will be made safe for me and my little one will be with family so she is perfectly safe too, I need this for my sanity. X

[lostandbroken]

I am certainly craving the fantasy of the family life he promised to give me right at the beginning when we found out we were having our first child together. Little did I know I wasn’t the only girl in his life at the time. He’s put me through so much!! Physical, emotional, verbal and financially abusive. Not only that, came the betrayal! He’s such a catch isn’t he!! He’s now playing the calm cool collection guy to my 3rd party, saying it’s for the best (which it is)! But why does he get to do what he’s done and be the one to say that? No heart whatsoever! X

[lostandbroken]

Every morning I wake up with the anxious realisation of what’s going on and sets me off all day. I have my tablet around 5 as it’s still settling in and making me yucky, so I’m nice and relaxed by bed time. But god I miss him so much! X

[lostandbroken]

I discovered my abuser, was abusive when I began to google his behaviour towards me. All kinds of useful information and peoples experiences helped me to realise that what was happening was I was being abused. This made me confirm to myself that I wasn’t the one going crazy. This site is so helpful and supportive as well, and all so friendly. X

[lostandbroken]

And the anxiety of it all, how long does that take to go away? I constantly feel sick with it ☹️

[lostandbroken]

This is so inspirational for me to read! I’m currently no contact with my ex And I am suffering with extreme anxiety. We have a child together and I’m pregnant so the struggle is real right now. I have a 3rd party for our child to see him so that’s helping that I don’t have to see him.
I’m at the pining stage where I miss him intensely.

Reading your story is very comforting to know that we can get through this. Thank you x

[lostandbroken]

I guess I’m still in the denial stage, the anxiety of it makes us very weak doesn’t it. I haven’t contacted him, and don’t have my intentions on doing so in the near future I’m very comfortable using the 3rd party. He told them he wants talk, as much as I want to hear what he has to say I don’t want to anytime soon. I know if I see or speak to him I will fall apart. I’ve been taking my meds at tea time, which is nearly our chilling time so I can ride out the side effects in a comfortable way, then come to this time I’m so relaxed and ready for bed my sleeping is better, as I get up and go out first thing in the morning and find endless amounts of ways to keep myself busy, can’t do that if I’m feeling drunk.
I’m taking each day as it comes but I hope to see the other side soon, my day times feel unbearable 💔

[lostandbroken]

There’s a huge part of me that wants to believe him as well. This is all so heart breaking. I miss him so much 💔

[lostandbroken]

I’ve woken up to a list of things he wants to collect which is fine, so I’ve agreed he can get the lot on a day where I can be scarce. I do trust he just wants his stuff and that’s that. He is being reasonable and my contact said he’s remorseful and still cares. He wants to sit and talk, but has been explained to them that I can do this when I’m ready to. He wants to be at the birth and support afterwards as I’m having a section as I did with our toddler and he knows the recovery for me is awful. We do have a baby on the way and I would like him to Be apart of it more so for him to bond, he is a fantastic father just a lousy partner when he’s drunk. I’m not saying this because I want him back, I certainly know this is for the best I am just relieved about his attitude change. X

[lostandbroken]

*he made

[lostandbroken]

Thank you all for your supporting words. Everyday is a huge struggle, I ate a proper meal yesterday so that’s a good start. I took my meds after my meal which helped me to relax and had a much better sleep. I have however woken with the horrible cold anxiety feeling again, I see his face and I miss him so much, it happens every morning. I lie here googling things and trying to process What’s going on, it’s awful.

He saw his daughter yesterday using my 3rd party, I felt anxious all day without her. I was sat watching the clock until it was time to pick her up again.
He dropped off some bits that he mistakenly took and left some boxes for me to use if and when I come across his stuff.
What I’m finding disturbing is my 3rd contact has now become our go between, he’s mithering to come to the house to fix something, he knows he doesn’t need to because what he’s hoping to fix is something I can arrange to do myself with my works. They passed that message on to him, he then replies to say he he could do with coming himself because he wants the (detail removed by moderator) out of the garden which I made for his daughter, she feeds them (detail removed by moderator) every bloody day and he knows she loves them. Why would he be so cruel to take that away as well? Is he trying to get a reaction out of me?

[lostandbroken]

That’s what I’ve done. Having had yet another panic day yesterday, I finally decided to block his number on top of social media, he simply cannot contact me at all now. My 3rd party is happy to my point of contact for him to see his child. I had to after i told him I’m not coping so well he so calmly says it’s over and it’s for the best, like I’m the one that’s caused the damages, making me feel like I’ve been the bad guy for asking him to go, I’m cruel and a bitch, apparently.

He shows no interest of being at the birth! Which was the the point where I blocked him.

I’m cold with anxiety this morning, it won’t seem to leave me. I still can’t eat or sleep, it’s just the worst feeling in the world. I’ve began meds but they are making me feel worse xx

[lostandbroken]

I can’t do zero contact because of our child already born, he has been in touch yesterday to arrange to see her which I’ve arranged a 3rd party to pick her up and drop her off. I’ve not contacted him first, and During our text conversation I’ve done the grey rock method. I’ve since learnt he’s completely deleted any photos of me and my eldest from his social media account.

He’s very very keen to collect the rest of his stuff, I don’t Know what though he’s already taken it all. It’s literally bits? He wants to do this today, but I’m not keen on him being in my home without me being there. Is he trying to play games? Should I avoid this for a while?

[lostandbroken]

It’s a feeling I’ve been avoiding, i new it was going to feel this way I’ve walked away from an abuser before and I remember the trauma feelings too well. But I never imagined I would get as low as I did yesterday, I was afraid of myself! And he caused me to feel that way, without a care of my well being or the fact I’m carrying his baby.

I was hanging on to get through lock down and the birth of our baby, hoping he might have ‘sorted himself out’ which is something he always promised to do. But never did!

I’m not ok today, and far from it but I don’t feel as traumatised as yesterday.

I am still constantly thinking about him as well, just never thought in a million years how his attitude changed towards our pregnancy 😢😢

[lostandbroken]

I know I need to literally erase him from my life, a family member has agreed to be a 3rd party for him to see his daughter. He originally wanted to just turn up here and pick her up from here, at least I can avoid him whilst I’m feeling this way. He is in humane at how cruel he can treat a heavy pregnant person. My anxiety is all over the place. The helpline worker was so lovely and immediately arranged for extra help and support for me. X

[lostandbroken]

Hi kip, thanks for your valuable advice. I will try hard.

Everything just feels and seems impossible. I am frightened of the future, how I’m going to cope with delivery of the baby, section recovery, newborn and toddler together. My head is really in a pickle!

I feel dead sorry for my babies, and for me too. I just wish I could stop hoping and wanting him to come back and take this anxiety away. It’s happened so many times, and when he comes back the anxiety instantly goes away and we are happy again for a little while.

My little one keeps looking for him, she’s so very unsettled at night, she misses him. This hurts most x

[lostandbroken]

I haven’t got any advice to give, but I want to say your not alone. I too have a child and also pregnant. I’m very fresh out of my relationship and he hasn’t yet been in touch regarding our child but I am dreading the day he does, as I know if I see him I will fall to pieces with my anxiety. I am thinking of using a trusted 3rd party so I don’t have to see him and have no intentions of asking for money I will just go straight to the Csa once I’ve collected my own strength, I am in a state of shock and struggling to get through the days at the moment. The less contact I reckon is better at this stage. Stay strong mama x

[lostandbroken]

What’s the hardest to deal with right now, is missing the good times had with him. When he’s in a good mood he’s absolutely amazing, like a brilliant family man, is great with his kids and me. We are passionate, and work great as a team. But if I have something I need to talk about, or anything good to talk about he dismisses me. He’s caused me a lot of pain and stress in the past, I’m not aloud to talk about that which causes an argument. He is sometimes nice to my eldest but absolutely dismisses her feelings too And he’s caused her a lot of upset too, she’s now an adult and sees and knows everything. It’s her that’s giving me the courage to finally walk away, I can’t be with someone who treats my daughter like that.
The anxiety will pass I know, I’m just taking each day as it comes. Yesterday was awful but that was only day 1. I’ve a long way to go I know x

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