Sungirl

[Sungirl]

I have also had phases of feeling like this. But life is complicated, we have lots of ties to them and leaving is difficult. We may also still love them so we have conflicting emotions. They make us doubt ourselves over what has happened. Have you read about the cycle of abuse?

[Sungirl]

Start to focus on yourself. Spend some time doing something you enjoy. Try and also get out and go for a walk. Listen to a podcast. Reconnect with family or friends if you can. Think about a plan of how you can leave-where could you go, who could you stay with, save some money etc. it’s a long process and it can take women several times. I’ve left (detail removed by Moderator) times now and we’ve got back together. Be prepeared that they will promise you everything to get back together. Think about your future and what you want for yourself. And don’t be hard on yourself as this shit is hard!

[Sungirl]

Thanks Bulbssprouting this is helpful. I think we also block bad things out of our brain. I also thought it was his mental health for years and spent ages researching and trying to help him. I know some things that happened have been bad on some level but it’s gone for so long is just like routine and I’ve accepted it. Doesn’t help now husband is being super nice. I also left at a crises point , just walked out with the kids. But we’ve ended up coming back. Still separated though. I think I’m getting closer each time just need to build up the courage and face the fear. Good luck to you!

[Sungirl]

Hi stargazing1 just wanted to show some solidarity, it really is so hard to stay living with these people and keep yourself mentally well. It affects our mental health so much. I never had mental health problems u til the last few years. Well done on calling women’s aid. They do take a while to get back to you but they will do. Don’t feel bad about taking medication if this helps you that that’s what you need to do. Try and focus on doing things for yourself. Try and block them out, have you heard of grey rock?

[Sungirl]

Yes Rumination is continuing to think over an event. I was doing this a lot and then realised it’s a thing. I still do it but I now know that it stops you from moving forwards. We might do it after suffering a traumatic event or situation as our brain is working to process and understanding everything. The first thing is to notice when you are doing it. It takes up a lot of effort as well and makes you feel exhausted.

[Sungirl]

Take the opportunity to get a break and have time to see what it’s like being out of the relationship. Focus on yourself. I left (detail removed by Moderator) but ended coming back and now am struggling to work out how to leave again. Although trying to focus on the fact I did it before I can do it again. Good luck to you!

[Sungirl]

Same as what Bananaboat has said. I tried Couples Counselling and he lied about lots of things, made out he couldn’t remember, broke down in tears at one point, just talked about himself. It was exhausting. I used to feel depleted every time. We ended up working in things and he made an effort with his communication, but the same problems started to come back

[Sungirl]

I’m not sure how old your kids are but when I previously got legal advice I was told over the age of about 9 years a child’s own views will be considered, and a court can’t order kids to see or live with a parent if the child doesn’t want to. Have you applied for Divorce? Do you both own the property you live in? As part of the Divorce process these are things that will be decided. The abuse doesn’t come into it once you get to the Divorce stage apparently, and everything starts from a place of 50/50.

[Sungirl]

Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s so hard to leave. And when you have kids I think it’s harder, as there are so many things to work out. You did the best you could in that situation.

[Sungirl]

Amazing so happy for you

[Sungirl]

Thanks guys I find it so helpful posting on here. It’s just so frustrating having to wait for support. I still haven’t heard back from my local women’s aid or some solicitors I emailed for advise. I feel like he’s taking my life away from me and I can’t see beyond this point. I never thought it would be this hard. I just want someone to sort his out for me but there is no one

[Sungirl]

I’m dreading Xmas, we are not in the family home and he is there decorating the house etc which he has NEVER done ever. He told the kids they could go round and help decorate a tree, luckily so far this hasn’t happened. We are staying with family so trying to focus on the positives. It’s all so hard to manage though

[Sungirl]

Thank you so much your relies are so appreciated I have got so much advice and support from this forum

[Sungirl]

Hi both above I have recently left an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and husband threatening to attempt suicide. I’ve been advised to get an occupation order to have him removed from the house. I’m so scared though as he is now laying on the mental health stuff really thick and saying I’m making it worse and will make him homeless. I worry at times no win will believe me and I’m not sure what evidence I need. But I have to persevere for my kids sake. I am struggling to deal with my emotions and feel so angry and hurt because he has caused all of this but shows no empathy. My local Women’s Aid has also not got back to me.
I have been doing the course on this website which I have found the most helpful so far https://bloom.chayn.co/courses. They have some nice practical grounding techniques in each of the sessions. Stay strong ladies

[Sungirl]

The last push was a fight between him and his (detail removed by Moderator) with me and the kids there. And then his reaction afterwards when we got home -as calm as anything, completely ignored me and then denied what had happened. My oldest then said he didn’t want to live with him anymore. The last (detail removed by Moderator)months I had slowly been detaching myself, focusing on myself and the kids, not responding to his increasing outbursts. This is the (detail removed by Moderator) time I have left, been (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and trying my hardest to stick at it

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