Booboobeedoo

[Booboobeedoo]

Yes of course I knew private things about friends and family, but honestly? It never ever crossed my mind, i wasn’t at war, he was the love of my life, I was so scared of the damage he could do. After I agreed to not see my family he went to his friends and told my best friend everything, she gave me great strength. I returned to the house packed my things and phoned him telling him it was over. He thought I was insane, how could I leave when all he wanted to do was share the truth?! I don’t believe in retaliation, things will always fall into place!! Thanks ladies xxxxxx 💜

[Booboobeedoo]

Ribbon thank you for your lovely message aswell xxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

Serenity, a little lost and healthy archive, you are all so incredibly helpful and reassuring! I hate having these days were I rethink every little detail and think about him constantly, I suppose this will subside in time..I hope!! I know my feelings aren’t a switch that I can flick off. As much as I hate him for purposefully hurting me and wanting such control, I miss his good aspects and believe it or not there were a lot.. It’s just he outweighed them all with his nastiness and blackmail. Thank you ladies once again. It’s such a comfort to write on here xxxxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

All sounds familiar, small acts of disrespect, I couldn’t even use the toilet in private… Joking” when am I getting a boob job? Incest jokes about my mother and brother.. Constant superiority over everyone else. It’s exhausting more than anything xxxxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

He sounds like a water torturer!!!! Xxx

[Booboobeedoo]

I bared my soul about my biggest fear of my dad having a heart attack and he used that against me saying he’d punch him one step closer to it. These people can be very convincing and there are so many moments I and I’m sure you all, miss….but the truth is there is no way someone can love you truly and hurt you in that way. The way I rationalise it is…. Would I ever do that to him? Never, I could not hurt a stranger like that. So stay strong lovely xxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

Hi S, I’m glad I’m not alone. It’s bizarre isn’t it? For us to care about people who could hurt us and smirk at us when we are at our lowest point? Use our weaknesses and fears against us? I have to remind myself of everything he said and the missing him soon subsides!! I’m with you 100%!!! I’m looking after myself, that started the day I left him!!!🙌 ❤

Thank you S, your attitude is inspiring! Xxx

[Booboobeedoo]

Dear TTMO, it is like you are describing my ex… Someone so negative who didn’t have a nice thing to say, “jokes” like play fighting even though I begged not to, farting in my face and when I explained it was disgusting he’d still preceed to do it, even when I needed privacy using the toilet he would come in thinking it was funny, constant negative comments about my family and friends. All these little things eventually boiled up to him pushing me when I was drunk because I answered him back and then blackmailed me with information about my relative that he would share if I saw or spoke to my family. To summarise what you have described are all subtle ways of him showing he has no respect, like you are a possession. I’m glad you have taken a brave step forward! Please keep us updated xx

[Booboobeedoo]

Thanks for the thoughtful replies ladies!! My ex has made tonnes of effort to contact me, he got in touch with my best friend, turned up at work, emailed of 3 different addresses, but us disrespectful as I asked him not to, he has apologised but then that was weeks after I left and get still stands by why he acted that way and he listed every little argument I’ve ever had with anyone else (even before I was with him) saying I could forgive those but not him. But the trust has been broken. Yes, I did get the lovely letter detailing every single thing he misses and how he’d take full responsibility… But I also got told he’s not 100 % to blame, and his contact would often turn nasty when he didn’t get me to cave in, sounds more like getting stalked to me, he didn’t even respect the fact I wanted to be left alone!!! I asked so nicely every time. He’s jekyll and Hyde!!! So I’m not falling for it because, the things he said to me and the fact it took weeks to realise I wasn’t messing around and I was gone, he only then was sorry. I miss the time before all this damage was done, but even then there were subtle put downs and massive arguments over the littlest thing, which was always my fault!!! There could be no reconciliation because too much damage is done and he still pushed me… Surely it would get worse???

[Booboobeedoo]

Prisoner, you are grieving, in shock, getting over trauma and have hatred and love for this man all the same time!! Please go easy on yourself!! Give yourself time please xxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

Thanks so much!!! I bitterly regret kissing him I don’t know what come over me. Never again though. I know I need to keep no contact and move on xxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

You have absolutely hit the nail on the head. I got told I couldn’t go to my sister’s wedding because I’d be breaking his trust by speaking to my family without calling them malice vile c**ts… Then he could share the information I told him in confidence. I know people disagree and fight but I think he is unforgivable! Am I wrong??? I read his letter again and it killed me because it was so lovely saying how much he missed me… But then the image of him smirking at me calling me embarrassing or him saying he’ll punch my dad one step closer to a heart attack pops into my head and I feel nauseous! Xx

[Booboobeedoo]

He sounds awful!! That’s what worries me, my ex has begged and begged and said he’s sorry but then justified it as he was angry, even though he was cool and calm when delivering his threats. I would also get the silent treatment and he would not bat an eye when I was crying. That’s why I’ve been torn!!

[Booboobeedoo]

Exactly! I was desperate and begging him and was dismissed as embarrassing!! He’s completely shattered my trust and there was no respect!! I know they are the basic necessities for any relationship! He wrote me a letter a few weeks ago praising me and how he’d do better! He gave me the letter through my friend and turned nasty on her because she wasn’t making me meet him, so he said she wasn’t a good friend! I will have a look at those that’s very helpful thank you xxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

Yeah I am going to try avoid him at all costs! It’s so funny because he’d initially apologised and said he would take full responsibility for everything… Then a few days later when I wasn’t giving him what he wanted (meeting up) he told me he’s not 100% to blame and that I never even asked why he said what he said!!!! I have been doing really well and my family are brilliant it’s just I’m disappointed with myself. I keep reminding myself of everything he said and did. The things that baffled me though is that it wasn’t all the time he was nasty, I had a look at lundy bancroft and my ex is a water torturer!!! xxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

I kinda feel guilty incase I’ve led him on but he’s done so many horrible things that he is so unphased by. This was my initial post a few weeks ago. I have ended my relationship. (detail removed by moderator) . He has disliked my family as they have done things in the past which was moved on from (my brother got annoyed and claimed my bf doesn’t let me drink, this was cleared up immediately and have all had good times together since) but the main boiling point was we had a big fight after I had friends down and I was drunk and he kept calling me names because I’d left the place untidy, he’d been picking on me all day asking me to stop sitting on my arse even though I’d been cleaning up stairs, telling me to make sure my friend and brother were looking to leave by 11pm and make sure they leave over some food (that I’d bought for them coming down) after my friends left he was calling me a f*ckin scruff, which hurt me and I was drunk aswell This escalated to an argument and I raised my voice then he pushed me off the couch. I fell on the floor and said I can’t believe you did that that’s domestic violence. His response was leave your key I’m not having someone stay who is making false accusations rather than him asking was I ok. The morning after I tried to talk he still wanted me to leave, I returned and we spoke about it and resolved it (me apologising for antagonising him even though I didn’t deserve it) after this I tried to talk about something that had upset for some time, the fact my bf makes constant hurtful remarks about family and I asked him to stop he then became p****d at me and justified it because of previous things they’d done and saying I stand up for them and never for him, which is not true. He then blackmailed me with information about my relative, that I told him in confidence told me if I didn’t call my family horrible names and not speak to them he would share this info and he wanted me to swear in front of his friends I wouldn’t contact my family, so he had witnesses. I begged him on my knees not to do this as it could ruin the relationship between me and my sister and he called me embarrassing for begging. I followed him trying to plead and touching his arm and he told me get off me don’t touch me.. He said things about having my brother and dad battered and tied up with binbags on their head if they tried to argue against him then asked me to imagine seeing them like that, he also said he’d punch my dad one step closer to a heart attack. Which he knows is my biggest fear. Prior to this argument hes often called me lazy c**t, ooze stupidity, f**king moron over the little things. Also mood turns quickly and he would tell me to stay at my parents (leave the house we both live in and pay for) I ended the relationship, he was very cool at first but weeks on he’s now apologising and begging which has now turned to him saying I have left him struggling with money and work, that I’ve left because he’s finally cleared my debt!! He obviously can’t see its the betrayal of trust and disrespect that made me leave. I do love him and we had some great times and he’s great in many ways very helpful taking me to and from work but I have been hurt and believe it’s unforgivable what he said, he has said he done this because of how my family have acted in the past justifying his actions. I’m sorry for rambling! It’s been a couple of weeks now and he’s written a lovely letter but now harassing me by email even though I have clearly and nicely asked to be left alone to let my mind rest. I just want an opinion to see if I’ve done the right thing? He obviously has his side of the story but I have never done anything to intentionally hurt him, I always looked after him the best I could. But felt like I irritated him a lot.. I was unwell with a chest infection once and he asked me to stay at my parents because I kept him awake. In combination with everything else I felt treated poorly and have been traumatised by what he said, it was all done in such a cool calm way aswell.

[Booboobeedoo]

I think you should have a conversation with him,if you feel safe to so so and explain calmly how it made you feel and how you don’t find that type of comment part of a normal relationship. If he contests this or argues I think that answers your question.. If he states it was a joke and it doesn’t happen again fair enough. But if he has a real sense of entitlement when it comes to what he can do to you as his partner.. You need to leave.

[Booboobeedoo]

Boyfriend dislikes my family as they have done things in the past which was moved on from (my brother got annoyed and claimed my bf doesn’t let me drink, this was cleared up immediately and have all had good times together since) we had a big fight after I had friends down and I was drunk and he kept calling me names because I’d left the place untidy. This escalated to an argument and he pushed me off the couch. I fell on the floor and said I can’t believe you did that that’s domestic violence. His response was leave your key I’m not having someone stay who is making false accusations. After this I tried to talk about the fact my bf makes constant hurtful remarks about family and I asked him to stop he then justified it because of previous things they’d done and saying I stand up for them and never for him, which is not true. He then blackmailed me with information about my relative, that I told him in confidence told me if I didn’t call my family horrible names and not speak to them he would share this info. I begged him on my knees and got called embarrassing. Also said he would attack a parent if they contested him. Prior to this argument he called me lazy c**t, ooze stupidity, f**king moron. Also mood turns quickly and he would tell me to stay at my parents (leave the house we both live in and pay for) I ended the relationship, he was very cool at first but weeks on he’s now apologising and begging which has now turned to him saying I have left him struggling with money and work, that I’ve left because he’s finally cleared my debt!! He obviously can’t see its the betrayal of trust and disrespect that made me leave. I do love him and we had some great times and he’s great in many ways very helpful taking me to and from work but I have been hurt and believe it’s unforgivable what he said, he has said he done this because of how my family have acted in the past justifying his actions. I’m sorry for rambling! It’s been a couple of weeks now and he’s written a lovely letter but now harassing me by email even though I have clearly and nicely asked to be left alone to let my mind rest. I just want an opinion to see if I’ve done the right thing? He obviously has his side of the story but I have never done anything to intentionally hurt him, I always looked after him the best I could. But felt like I irritated him a lot.. I was unwell with a chest infection once and he asked me to stay at my parents because I kept him awake. In combination with everything else I felt treated poorly.

[Booboobeedoo]

I really have found comfort here. He text my brother wants to meet up with my brother and dad to clear the air but they have politely declined saying we have all moved on. I don’t think it’s sincere because he was so adamant what he would do to them, and I think it’s a level of damage control. I just wanted a bit of reassurance because as I say that the bad stuff wasn’t constant but it just went to far. He did have good qualities and was kind sometimes, but the moments when he was cruel were too much to tolerate personally xxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

I am doing I am staying well away and thank God I’ve got wonderful family friends and colleagues who I’ve all been able to confide in and they have all said the same..it’s only after telling more and more people I realise how wrong his behaviour was at times and how he’d minimise things and I’d just believe him. I started to alter my behaviour and think before I spoke incase it riled him up, and constantly wondering what mood he would be in. I’m at the stage of relief mixed with grieving. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback thank you very much xxxxxx

[Booboobeedoo]

I have left and he’s made a lot of effort to meet and talk and was very apologetic at first saying what he done was awful. I said I was too angry and think it was unforgivable… And that I needed time to let my mind and heart rest. Because I didn’t take him back straight away his apology subsided then he’s saying I’m being unfair and have forgiven worse things.. Which is not the case.. And he had the cheek to say “you haven’t even asked why I said those things?” his argument is my family have done bad things to him and ME! So why on earth was I punished? I honestly feel like I’m going mad it’s not making sense to me.

[Booboobeedoo]

Serenity thank you so much for your detailed response. I came into this site more for piece of mind as I was worried family and friends were being biased. One of my ex’s reasons about his horrible blackmailing and talk of hurting family members is he says they are nasty people, now what baffles me is he made a list of of family arguments and fall outs.. Most of which happened between for example my parents when I wad a teen and my ex wasn’t even in my life then, between my sister and her partner and their temporary fall out and so on. He listed this to prove how others have been forgiven.. Hence why can’t I forgive him? One of his characteristics was to remain completely robotic and emotionless when I was crying and I mean properly crying… I even got told I was still interrupting him and my voice was annoying when I was talking and crying. He’d punish me by completely ignoring my existence and shrugging me off if I tried to hug him. But I have seen a side to him I can not unsee. Regarding my brother who is a very kind and funny person but does unfortunately chat poo a lot of times, he does this in a harmless manner. He was also constantly condescending to my brother, interrogating me on what he would do with his life. He made it known to me my.bro and friend that he disliked my family and they were weird… He’d even come back from seeing his own brother and tell me how they were talking about my family and things they have done, which obviously hurt me and got to me. If I ever said to stop I got a list of why he was right. In a recent email The ex had listed every flaw of every family and previous rifts for which I now feel guilt ridden for ever moaning about them to him…but I understand surely in a healthy relationship that would never be logged in your partners mind and used against you? I know in our relationship I have been guilty of being overly emotional but he’s even at times called my voice annoying when I’ve been crying and trying to talk. Bear in mind I’m summarising all events over 3 years but these things are significant to me. I wouldn’t get called names all the time but more often than not.. And it would hurt me and I’d address there and then, yet it continued when he’d be in a bad mood. Even if I did the slightest thing wrong I’d be called a f**king moron and to use my head (this was because I picked out a washing tab that had burst which he told me not to use so I put it back in the box) it’s exhausting. When it came to confronting him about being pushed all he could say was I hit him in the past in the arm when I was drunk and really upset because we’d been talking about ex’s and I pressed him on if they were pretty..(I know it’s not worthy of an excuse but I’m little and he is strapping really into fitness and 4stone heavier) That’s wrong of me and was an insecurity which I apologised and dealt with and never done or acted like that again. Regarding the drinking a problem of mine was biting my tongue or keeping quiet during some of his moods then blowing up once pushed to a limit when intoxicated. I hated arguing with him because he would ask me to recall the exact words I used or get me so mixed up I felt insane!! He wrote a lovely letter which mentioned every little thing he misses, but I still feel angry hurt and sickened by the so called love of my life saying disgusting things, calling me embarrassing when I was desperate and worst of all has not left me alone since even though I asked and have remained graceful and dignified through the whole thing!! It feels really good to talk because I feel my family are weary of it all and I don’t blame them.

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