Coolbreeze

[Coolbreeze]

It is a physical pain you are so right! And now is the time when we need to go out, distract ourselves and make new connections but we can’t. I really feel your pain too x

[Coolbreeze]

Hi I hope you’re able to get some other support and feedback in the meantime.
To me, this sounds very controlling. Not being able to discuss finances which is a normal part of any relationship, family, friends, employer, is not a good thing let alone with a partner.
It’s easy to make excuses but the facts are what they are. He is an adult, he has choices. He has no right to insult you.
I’m sorry but this man does not sound like he even knows how what a normal healthy relationship means.
Please take care of yourself and your son.

[Coolbreeze]

Lol thank you!!!

[Coolbreeze]

I’m so sorry. The way I see it now is that she can have him! You know better and in time you too will be happy. Please hang in there. I also have moments when I suddenly remember my whole marriage was based on his lies. If he had been honest, no one would have him! It’s a horrible time to go through but this too will pass and you will only be thankful you’re away and safe from him. x

[Coolbreeze]

Absolutely anything concerning solicitors costs money and if you add the court then it’s a steep rise on top.
A straightforward divorce with both agreeing to everything, is around £1200 (plus court fee which is the same for everyone and that’s payable by the person starting the divorce as I understand it). You can start the process yourself all the details are on the give website. If you have any kind of assets that pretty much rules you out from legal aid – I didn’t know it was a loan effectively.
But it’s the disagreements over money in my case that will end up costing me most.
Personally, I think this is one of the reasons why women endure years of abuse because they simply cannot get away without becoming practically destitute.

I really hope you can find a better solution for yourself and children.

[Coolbreeze]

Thank you! I’m still at the point where I’m processing the fact that everything he did or said was almost certainly a half truth at best and always to benefit himself first. I started to feel used but wasn’t allowed to show any kind of anger or resentment and yet he expected me and everyone else around to be models of reason and politeness. And of course if he was angry, that was just fine because it was my fault.
I will call that number for Rights of Women.
Thanks again

[Coolbreeze]

Thank you for your advice, it really makes sense. I was happiest when I had zero contact.

[Coolbreeze]

I am new to all this and thought it was just me thinking he’s manipulating and turning everything against me while saying he’s trying to help me. At first I really did try to ‘look at myself’ and ‘improve’ my faults but realised nothing I did would ever be enough because that’s exactly how he wants me to think of myself, defective and unworthy. How could I have been so utterly blind?!
Thank you for showing me it’s not my fault.

[Coolbreeze]

Hi I am also very new and I’m sure the other ladies will give you the proper advice. I just wanted to say that you can get your landlord and yourself in trouble by him being there. The most important thing is that the safety of your children and yourself so I think you need some particular advice/support from a local adviser to prepare before you tell him to go.
Do not waste time thinking about him not having anywhere to go, please save your time and energy thinking about your children and yourself. He does not deserve any consideration.
Also the advisers may refer a solicitor to you and you may qualify for legal aid, it may not matter that you rent.
We’re here for you.

[Coolbreeze]

Hi, I am very new here and still finding my way forward but wanted to say that the truth always comes out. People are more perceptive than we think and eventually lies will trip the liars up. Hold on to your self belief and truth.

[Coolbreeze]

I’m so glad it helps to understand things from a ‘medical’ point of view that makes sense. I’m trying to analyse what happened and why as well in order to better deal with everything but it’s difficult to be objective at this point. At the same time I do not want to be or feel the victim so I will just have to take it slowly.

[Coolbreeze]

Hello Jackie and thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad you and and daughter are safe and well. It just breaks my heart to read how you both suffered. I am in the process of finding out how I can achieve what I need to do for myself and children. I must agree with you that I did not find my local support contact helpful – sadly I could tell they did not really understand what I was saying. It’s not their fault and hope maybe I get a different person if that’s possible.

[Coolbreeze]

I’m also very new here and just wanted to say how strong you are to get away and to be aware of the tricks to keep hold of you. I used to think well at least we could still be civilised friends but realised that actually the real him is completely opposite to the ‘public’ him, so ugh no thank you!

[Coolbreeze]

Thank you so much for your kind support. I’m much clearer on what I want and need to do which is really helping me focus especially when self doubt creeps in. x

[Coolbreeze]

I’m really glad Jackie how you succeeded. My children are old enough to understand but they don’t need to know the gory details at this point and they are thankfully not poisoned by him. He’s not their father and has no rights over them but he was counting on me not wanting to worry or disrupt their lives and not do anything. I didn’t do anything until the point came that as you put it, he sealed his own fate. I had enough. It was more than enough. Eversince then I’ve actually felt so much better, free and as if a huge weight has been lifted from me.

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