Dragonfly

[Dragonfly]

My brother works away a lot so couldn’t stay there. I don’t think he’s going to stay at home after this. I’ll see what the police say. I’m sure social services will have to be involved. That’s never happened before either.

[Dragonfly]

I agree. If the police don’t pick him up they’re coming here at 8am tomorrow to arrest him. I don’t even know if he’ll come home. This has never happened before.

[Dragonfly]

I’m feel embarrassed and ashamed. This is worse than a partner attacking me. I’ve really no one to talk to, my family live miles away. I did speak to my brother and he is supportive but I think my son’s going to be taken away now. I don’t feel safe

[Dragonfly]

I know and thank you kip. I’m sitting here crying my eyes out. (Detail regarding age removed by moderator). He stole my band card the other day and withdrew money, I’ve cancelled the card. Hes wrecked my home a bit. My poor cat’s just come out of hiding! I can’t believe what he’s done. I’m going over it doubting it actually happened.

[Dragonfly]

Thank you! She was arrested and charged. Then suspended from work. Somehow she managed to manipulate me (detail removed by Moderator)

She didn’t assault me at work but she left physical marks on my face.

we don’t have a union but we have staff representatives. I have been documenting things and I have been letting my manager know how I feel what’s been happening etc. I think my manager doesn’t know what to do. I think I’ll speak to one of the staff reps.

[Dragonfly]

Thanks lisa

[Dragonfly]

It’s purely because I refused to give him £20 to go to some buffet with his friend. Stealing money is never acceptable. Anyway, he calmed down and we went for a drive. He’s sorry (obv) but says he finds it difficult to control his feelings, he’s a teenager, and thus is what’s happened. I told him by shouting and swearing at me then punching a door is extremely violent. I don’t like it. We’ve talked about next time he feels like this he’s to say time out then he’ll go away and calm down.

[Dragonfly]

He’s now sitting down swearing at me telling me I’m wrong. I can’t do this.

[Dragonfly]

It is a difficult question but maybe now, going forward I think we can recognise signs and hopefully stop it in its tracks by getting out before we get in! Personally I cannot see me having another relationship ever. Too many red flags everywhere which is quite sad to some extent. I’ve had a lot of ‘self’ taken away from me as I’m sure we all have.

[Dragonfly]

Do you think your situation would have been different if someone had approached you?

[Dragonfly]

I’ve seen it but it was with a work colleague and his wife. He speaks to her like she’s a child and also being very rude. This is over the phone so I’ve never met her but she seems to take it. I’ve jokingly said to him “ooooOOOOOOoooo feeling the love here” but he just mumbles and gets on with his work.

One of my friends desperately tried to warn me, told me what my ex did to his ex wife. Did I listen? No. In fact I told him what she said then within the month we were no longer friends! Been best friends for 30 yrs and he managed to get me away from her. We’re back to being best friends now though 🙂

[Dragonfly]

Thanks for clarifying Kip. This makes me feel so much better 🙂

[Dragonfly]

Hey Anonon. I would recommend speaking to WA. I called the first time and got through. I felt stupid calling for some reason then I lost my confidence and didn’t make much sense. The woman on the phone told me I could just drop in for a chat if I wanted to. So it took me a few days then I just went along, I spoke to a lovely lady who reassured me and more importantly validated me and answered a lot of questions. I was in there for ages. I’m so glad I went along.

They understand and will settle you. Don’t be afraid to speak to them x

[Dragonfly]

Iv’e often wondered about this. Can you clarify. He went on trial after I dialled 999 for him assaulting me. He was found not guilty because of his word/my word nonsense. So because he’s ‘innocent’ I wondered if there is any record of him having assaulted me or even that there was an investigation and trial. I’m trying to ask if this is still on his record even tho got away with it??

And well done for reporting xx

[Dragonfly]

I stopped caring after he physically attacked me for hours. It was an instant feeling of indifference. To think previously he had me under this mad world of control that I was actually helpless. He very nearly convinced me this was normal.

But!!! Ever since that horrific night I can honestly feel nothing for him. I get wound up when he was found not guilty at his trial, it winds me up when he decides to parade around in my area of town. But I don’t feel one ounce of love or sympathy or bind to him in any way. He has no empathy and I realised I was in love with a lie, definitely not a normal functioning person. I’d hate to be him.

[Dragonfly]

When I read the subject heading my first thought was for you to look up the cycle of abuse. Now I’ve read your post I’d still recommend that. I got married, I shouldn’t have. We had our son before marrying. The red flags were there beforehand and even on the wedding day he managed to publicly verbally abuse me. So I stayed married, being miserable, thinking what on earth am I doing but also thinking I work part time now, we have a child I can’t possibly leave. In hindsight of course I could have left. I put up with the abuse until my son was (detail removed by moderator). Unbelievable! When I eventually told him to leave, he did, just like that. I suddenly had more money than I thought I’d have (he didn’t pay child maintenance). I adjusted my hours at work to suit home life then eventually got divorced. Yes that cost me a fortune but my son and I are free. We don’t see him, his choice not ours but hey best decision I ever made.

Do not be fooled by another honeymoon period, when he snaps again it’ll be worse than the last time. So I’ll suggest again…..look up the cycle of abuse xx

[Dragonfly]

Hey white rose I’m in the over 50 club too. I’ve been menopausal for two yrs with no real symptoms. I do get panicky tho but that’s usually when I’m super busy at work. However I know what the trigger is. HE is always in the back of my mind, he turns up in my area every now and then. There’s nothing for him here except one pub (he can go to many other pubs). I see no reason for him to be here. But because he’s always there, inside my head I find when I’m quite stressed panic starts to set it. I get very irritable and sometimes angry. I don’t believe in my situation it’s the menopause, I can only compare it to having too much on my plate, not being in control which is a massive trigger because I was not in control when he attacked me, he was.

Dunno if that makes sense but basically I find panic happens to me when I get overwhelmed with things and it sets off this internal trigger.

[Dragonfly]

Thank you ladies. I’ve been reading a lot about this horror and it’s helping. Knowledge is key! Still takes a while to comprehend tho (unsure if I ever will). I’ve previously had counselling which helped but people have an attitude of it happened aaaaages ago you’re over it now. I suppose you can’t understand unless you’ve lived it x

[Dragonfly]

Hey. Thanks for reassuring me. Inside I know I’ve done nothing to deserve any of this, none of us have but I’m sure we all must question and doubt ourselves sometimes. Just seems unbelievable what these creatures do.(Detail removed by Moderator) To think she was there supporting me when my ex was charged with assaulting me. Pot kettle!

I’m off work with stress because this has triggered feelings PTSD from the past. I’m having nightmares about the ex again, waking up and he immediately comes into my head. Just got to deal with it again I suppose.

[Dragonfly]

Thank you x

[Dragonfly]

Thanks ladies. I’ve got a crime ref numbr and I’ve taken pictures. The police couldn’t get their ‘toy’ to work last night so couldn’t take any pics! Typical. It’s myself and my son at home, thankfully he was staying at his friends last night. I don’t feel unsafe. I feel quite empty tbh.

[Dragonfly]

I might phone my manager tonight. I really feel like I have target tattoo’d on my forehead or punch here slapped on my face.

[Dragonfly]

Hey. Glad you’ve done the right thing. If it makes any difference after my ex was arrested and charged and released on bail he wasn’t allowed in my street or 100 yards near me. This lasted for (detail removed by moderator) months, up until the day of his trial.

[Dragonfly]

Wow! I’ll definitely keep a log and I’m sure I could take a pic. He’s always in the same street, basically at the end of my street and round the corner from my work. There’s a few shops there too so no doubt CCTV

[Dragonfly]

I accessed counselling through my work. We have private medical insurance through Bupa. No one, not even my manager needed to know (I was quite open about it though). It’s a confidential service and no one needs to know

[Dragonfly]

Hey kip. Thank you. I never even thought of reporting it. However even if they do nothing there’s a record of him being here and I suppose a pattern may show in his behaviour. I’ll start keeping a log

[Dragonfly]

First of all I really feel for you. Secondly he will NOT be able to sell your home, he will not take your children and he will not get all the equity. You need a solicitor and get him away from you. He’s dumbed you down so much it sounds like you actually believes his threats. Believe me that’s all they are.

[Dragonfly]

I’ve changed the locks and looking into getting a camera

[Dragonfly]

Hey

Thanks for responding. Just felt really down before. I think the break in was the last straw. My son’s just being a (detail removed by Moderator) atm unfortunately. We’re talking and he understands the consequences so I’m hopeful he’ll be back on track.

My ex had keys but I got them back. However the police are very interested in him. He could’ve got a copy made.

So I’m adamant I’ll cope and things will get better

[Dragonfly]

Hey. My ex got off with assaulting me. He went on trial. However I’ve been told that this will stay on his file (even tho he wasn’t found guilty). That pleases me because I know he will do it again. I just hope his next victim gets away in time.

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