Grenache

[Grenache]

Yay!! So good to hear! I’ve been feeling the same lately and I hope everyone on here ends up feeling the way we do too. It’s like being a new person isn’t it?

[Grenache]

Can I ask you – was it a women’s only space or not? Because I really think that would explain it. I’ve seen the way they defend rapists online and there is always one guy, without fail, on domestic abuse articles asking for “the other side of the story” (we all know that’s a clever way of disguising victim blaming). I dunno, I’m just saying, there’s a reason I was looking for a women’s only forum when I first started searching.

[Grenache]

I’ve been liking this video recently:

It’s simple exercises and it changes every 40 seconds so you don’t get bored. I couldn’t finish the first time I tried it and I still take many breaks in order to help myself do more. I think it’s about starting very small and watching your diet. Apparently Ed Sheeran lost tons of weight recently by doing 10 minutes a day of 30 second intervals sprinting and jogging. Keep it doable or you’ll get discouraged. You might even want to start by just walking.

[Grenache]

This article is why this forum in particular is so important. Every single discussion on domestic abuse is always full of men saying that they get it equally as bad. We know this isn’t true but they do succeed in shutting down women’s spaces. When I was looking for forums at first, this was the only women’s only one I could find, how sick is that? We need a place for women only to allow us to talk freely and heal each other. How can we heal by including people (males) who have been raised in a culture of dominance and violence? Awesome article.

[Grenache]

AMAZING!! Seriously so happy for you, and really all women – it’s always good news when abusers get what they deserve and unfortunately, that’s rare.

[Grenache]

Don’t feel like an idiot! If your intuition is screaming something at you, listen to it. I think many of us have felt like that, like maybe he is not physically abusive so I’m over reacting or he is physically abusive but it’s just a slap, it’s not like he’s beating me up and we could go on and on until we say “at least I’m not dead” but there’s so much more to life.

Stay strong and always trust yourself <3

[Grenache]

My husband is the same. In their heads it’s “resolved” by just forgetting about it. If you don’t feel it’s resolved, it isn’t. Try to move on. He sounds really controlling and he won’t even admit it. He says he learned not to take his anger out on you but how exactly did he learn that? My husband said the same thing but I said the only way to prove that is intense counselling for him alone from someone who specializes in abuse. He hasn’t even tried that. If he’s acting like this so early in the relationship, he won’t change especially if you just forgive him. He just doesn’t sound remorseful at all.

[Grenache]

Thank you all for the support once again. Sometimes you just need to hear what you already know. These messages are so amazing, I’m going to save them for when I need them. You all make me cry! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[Grenache]

I think you should trust your intuition. If you have never read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker, read it if you can. I found it really useful.

[Grenache]

Thank you so much everyone! Sometimes all I need is reassurance that my instincts are right and my decisions are ok <3

[Grenache]

You’ll get there! And there’s no reason to feel guilty about his dad, it’s not your fault! Maybe empathetic but not guilty. Sorry it took so long to respond, I’ve been keeping extremely busy, which definitely helps A LOT. I’ve been very, very lucky lately, it’s almost as if God or the universe or whatever you believe in is telling me it’s ok to leave and that it’s the right thing to do. Things seem to be falling into place finally. I was able to find a full time job and I’ve been taking on extra responsibilities which is keeping me so busy but I am feeling extremely productive. I’ve also come into some unexpected money recently too which I’m going to use to get into photography which is exciting 🙂

I hope everyone on here gets some of the luck I’ve been experiencing lately (hopefully it’s contagious lol). But keeping your mind occupied is definitely a really good, healthy thing to do. I’m not worried about the relationship aspect of my life anymore. I probably will at some point but I feel so much more like going with the flow and taking what comes my way after everything that happened and focusing on myself. I really do feel healthier than before, maybe it was a good learning experience.

Looking back, I feel like I have been slowly moving on without realizing it. My intuition always knew he wouldn’t change and I would leave him eventually. I left (detail removed by moderator) ago (I know we aren’t supposed to give timelines but that is very vague so I don’t think it is a problem to say) and sometimes I am still reminded of things he said to me and I am sad that he never truly loved me but I know that is more his problem than mine. Improving myself and my life was the best thing I could do to accept moving on. I still don’t know if I fully believe that he has accepted it but I guess he has no choice now.

[Grenache]

No, I’ve looked and looked but I can’t find the full episode 🙁 But I’m definitely going to watch more of this judge! There’s lots of full episodes on youtube. And yes, I totally agree, this is for any age!

[Grenache]

Yes, Musicalmad, I hope we can both stay strong <3

But then we can always help each other 🙂

[Grenache]

Hi Recovery,

Mine is the same, lots of verbal/emotional abuse and manipulation until he was almost physically abusive. He is also telling me he is so sorry, hurting without me and is willing to get counselling. But there are subtle cues it’s a lie. First he said he will get counselling if it really means that much to me (not because it is what is needed) and he said he will apologize to my family for what he said about them if it means that much to me (not because it is the right thing to do). He is sending old pictures of us etc. just so manipulative. Don’t fall for anything your husband says. I’m glad you’re as determined to move on as I am. He is even trying to bribe me with a vacation…it’s like he doesn’t get it at all.

[Grenache]

Missy, I understand how you feel to an extent because I was really, deeply sad when I realized he doesn’t really love me. I wondered why he wasn’t fighting for me and it really upset me. I wanted him to be trying to fix things every day, beg for forgiveness etc. because some real remorse might have been really good. But in the end it’s good he is showing his true colours so I don’t get sucked back in. And it’s not us, maybe abusers are incapable of loving relationships, who knows?

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