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I too was worried about this, mine came down with huge scratches (detail removed by moderator) and we had had a row, I was so worried he would say I’d done it I asked him how he did it and recorded it so as I had proof. It’s madness what you feel you need to do. X

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I know where your coming from 100% and it’s like a world of weirdness that you can’t even explain because your brain can’t twist stuff as theirs can. And there are no bruises to show your mind has been scrambled. You don’t know who’s right? You or everyone who loves them. He is quite soft easy going. You a bit more out there so if one of you were the instigator no doubt they’d all think it was you? You say if somethings upset you but end up feeling bad because you got it wrong or you went over the top about it, your a victim and it’s always all about you!! He can say vile stuff but if you retaliate he is shocked you can dare be so nasty? Hmmm I know n I’m here for a chat ok xx

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Your not alone, it seems you are but there is always someone here to listen and message, if you want a chat we are here. Xx

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Thank you for your message. I’m sorry if it seemed I was saying we are idiots I wasn’t, I just feel I’m not doing myself justice but no matter how hard I dig I come up short. Xxx

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Hey, 😘😘

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Thank you all the ladies that replied, been really down and unable to cope, to many emotions to deal with, how can one person feel sooooo much and gone out the other side. 😭

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Hi Watersprite

I’m having a similar problem. Or at least I think I am, I’ve had quite a few emails that should have gone into my junk, but they didn’t and they are things that I have opened, it’s either that or my ex has out recording devices or something in my house bevause ive some conversations with people when he is miles away and he then sends me sarcastic things that have words in them with “”” either side and it’s usually about the conversation I’ve had. He even once called me as soon as I’d had a phone call from someone else saying ohh if your going to do that bla bla bla, it’s not possible to guess stuff. But it’s about £400 plus I think to get my house checked and I don’t have that sort of money to waste, but now I’m paranoid about speaking on my phone or chatting in my house. Plus I can’t act like I’m all together n doing well if he’s listening to me break down daily, it’s driving me mad. I’ve heard you can get emails that if opened can be a bug put into your phone but that was what I found on the internet. If you find out any more advice I’d be interested too. Much love 🙏🏼

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Think I put this on the wrong part.

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Hello freetobethegreatest.
Just so you know we’re not all brave, some of us have been left by them, can’t say I’d have been able to leave myself, big bust up he went and has come back (detail removed by moderator), and I let him, each time he was so very spiteful. So don’t think your weak. Nothing to do with all this is easy.
Be kind to yourself
Hugs x

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I think we all feel the same, I too have left, he has been vile in so many ways, he has gone out of his way to try and get me back and I’ve fallen for it, I’ve felt happy to love and cuddle him again, only for him to do the same again. Falling back I feel is worse than staying away, because not only do you go through it all again but you have let them know it’s easy to pick u up n drop you as n when they want. I could feel him laughing at me and I felt so very stupid. All we miss is the nice bit. Our brain seems to push out all the nasty stuff and focus on the love we had. Love and look after yourself. At least you know it’s real love you can give yourself. Not fake that only hurts you.
Hope you get through this difficult part
Love to you xx

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Hey icandothis.
I agree with KIP, it’s so frustrating to not be able to have your say and have a good go at them, but they love it, on so many occasions I’ve gone into one and told him exactly how I feel but if you want to get your own back ignore him. It’s not the silent treatment it’s self preservation. He does as he does to get exactly what he wants, and that’s you fuming looking like the weird one. If I ever went mad or really had a go he would look at me like I’m a nutter mock me and then ignore me. I’d just me more frustrated and upset, then he’d get a glint in his eyes soooo chuffed he had drawn me out. Go quite it will do you well and utterly p””s him off. Don’t bite don’t let him know your angry upset or anything. That will get to him more.
Good luck hugs xx

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I constantly got the silent treatment, for days on end he would sit in my spare room ignoring me, I’d always go in to ask if he would like a tea hoping he would drop the silence, it drive me mad. I would say (detail removed by moderator) This went on for a long time once in lockdown and I was literally going mad. All I can say is if you have conversations with him and he won’t listen to your side, walks off if you go to have your say, twists everything you manage to get out or just goes silent for days. It’s abuse, if your left feeling like you’ve been in the twilight zone then it’s crazy making, I felt I could go mad with all the twists n terms, then he could come down and say do u want a tea? Out of the blue and he’d be ok. But I’d be left thinking WTF just happened, and what a waste of a week of my life. But I liked the normal part again and would forget way to quickly what he had done, UNTIL the next time, each getting worse n worse. I’d be anxious after two weeks waiting for it to happen again, and it always did. I’m out now, I’m still miserable but I’ve noticed he gets In Touch nearly every (detail removed by moderator) as if to upset, love or wind me up. So I’ve now blocked him. I’m struggling each day, but I’m no worse with anxiety as when I was with him.
I wish you love and luck xx

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Don’t feel a Pratt lol easy to say, as I’m sure if we were all together we would say, we have all thought that about ourself at some stage. I know I have!!!
hahahaaa but it didn’t seem to matter because I was loving someone and that’s not a crime, it’s them who commit that ay?? 😉 xxx

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Glad others understand it, and I’m not mad. Xx

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Ohhh yes it’s all me, I’m the narcissist he says, it’s all very clever, he outwardly eyes up women until I can’t bare to be there.
He puts me down to an old flame, has lied about numerous things and been caught, although a lot of things he said isn’t lying because he didn’t tell me!!!! Ok let’s use the word deceitful.. but I’m disgusting how I don’t like it all, I’m jealous I’m insecure I’m to sensitive, I cause every problem there has ever been.
Funny as he never said I was a narcissist until I said he was, he is a covert.
I’m a bit louder, while he looks like butter wouldn’t melt and comes across as if he couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag.
But lord I wish they could all see him in action, it’s funny so many people don’t like me but they don’t know me, wonder how that happened. And I hate that, I hate that I’m looked at that way, when it couldn’t be further from the truth.
I can’t even explain what he does, because it’s to clever for me.
My mind can’t work out how much work you must have to put into thinking how your going to keep everyone you know apart, hating each other without actually knowing them.

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Awww thank you, that’s lovely, I’m truly going to try and heal, I still feel upset and care, that’s the hardest part, no one else understands, everyone thinks and says I should hate him, and I know I’m normal terms I should, but if I don’t get it I suppose they won’t, thank you so much for the kind word, 🙏🏼 Xx

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💛💛💛💛xx

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Exactly, we’ll see how I get on shall we xx 😉

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I get what your saying, I’ve just read it again.
Your in control of that so you do it,
I hope you can be strong and not do anything that can happen you, his not worth that. NONE of them are.
Be healthy and strong then you will be healthier in your mind to maybe leave when it suits you xx

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Awww bless your heart, one day, we will all be stronger at some point. Xx

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Hey, 😊 I’ve had days of not eating, then when happy I eat, im anxious and my tummy was constantly upset, soon as I woke I’d be in the toilet while anxiety filled my stomach, it causes ulcers in your bowls and tummy in general, mine split into my stomach due to it. And even though the surgeon said other things could cause it he said stress can be a cause, well he has no idea what kind of stress I or we deal with,
We know it’s a massive amount and we know we feel ill because of it.
But I feel we are so used to feeling uneasy or highly aware that we end up taking no notice, as if it’s normal,
Take care of yourself please, xx

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I’ve also had people looking me up on a certain social media that tells you. So think he has a new interest who is wanting to see me, one thing I do hate the thought of is thinking others think it’s me, others think I’m the nasty one, don’t suppose I should care but I’ve been so caring and living that I hate it’s so unfair. X

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Hey Auriel
I stumbled across a book about narcissism a while ago and gaslighting. It blew my mind!!! I never would have believed that there were others like it, and it was exactly what I was going through,
It’s just a shame I loved him so do much and put it out of my mind and made excuses for his behaviour after finding out he had an addiction to something, but reading up it seems a lot narcissists are addicted to this, I hoped that after he went to rehab he would be the man I loved. Apparently not. Very sad. Xx

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Hey 😊 I’ve not even taken in what’s happened to me yet, I’m to scared to look into it, but I do know this is all because of the level of stress I’ve been under, my heart rate would go from 80 ish to 145 in seconds when he blew up for nothing. But started to feel stressed about being upset by something and not being able to air it without him kicking off. And it ending up being way over the top for what I’d actually said.
But I will try and chill myself out and try to smile and enjoy people I’ve not seen for a long time due to being with him. Got lots of other tests and procedures I’ve got to have in the next few weeks and just hope I’ll be ok.
Life shouldn’t be this hard xx

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Hey TW That’s the hardest part, the love I gave him, he gave me love, a lot, but if I said anything that upset or hurt me he would go from 0-100, tell me I’m mad I’m nasty I need help, I’m spiteful and also mock some terrible things I’ve been through. U couldn’t understand how such a nice person could turn so. I also would then turn into a person I didn’t recognise defending myself.
I can’t say what advice I’d give to others on here, as he has treated me with utter contempt over the past few years especially, and I put up with it, it was only when I nearly died that the ambulance asked the person who called them, who my next of kin was and said his name that I managed to shout NO!!!!! He isn’t, and if I’m honest with myself it’s because I don’t think he would have had my best interests at heart. Terrible, I’ve been so close to someone, been so close in all ways to him, I can’t understand it at all. Can’t imagine how life will go so I’ll have to take it a day at a time from now on. Thank you for replying it’s nice to be seen xx

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Hey Auriel, it’s so hard to put yourself first when your trying to show someone you love them, but this happening to me has been a massive eye opener,
It’s still believe it or not upsetting to be away from them for me but I keep telling myself he would have come to me had he given a S&£T about me.
And what is the point of loving someone as much as I loved him if he doesn’t care if I live or die. I went to him to help, for a long long period of time and he has zero care for how ill I’ve been.
I just know that even if I went back I’d always know he doesn’t care, so I will stay away,
Today I even cut him out of a large picture I had, didn’t think I could but after thinking about for 5 mins I chopped it up 😉 hopefully I’ll start to feel even better very soon xx

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Thank you for replying, I’m going to keep all proof and I’m going to try and write out all the events that have happened to keep a log of what has gone on, it’s affected me so badly I don’t feel like I’m me anymore and I’m full of anxiety. Thank you so much for your advice and kindness xx

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Hi Sleepypigeon

Oh thank so much for messaging, I’m don’t mean this is good but I’m glad someone else gets what has been happening, what I can’t bare is that everyone only sees the front he puts on, Everyone thinks he’s such a soft kind caring helpful person, and if I’m honest he is, but he is also vile on every level too, I’m so much more ruff around the edges on face value but in reality he is 100 times more spiteful than I could ever be. He tells everyone I’ve a jealousy problem, even had me believing it years ago, thank you so much for messaging it’s made me feel much better and reading what you say out loud I can see it’s just another tactic to drive me mad. X

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Hi Camel
Thank you for your message, yes I was hoovered and hoovered a bit more then treated like the worse person on earth, just after my dog was put to sleep. Nice isn’t he.

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Thank you KIP wasn’t sure anyone would understand all that, my mind is all over the place. I felt stupid after I spoke to the police, they acted as if I was a 14 year old school girl telling tales and it was nothing. Thank you x

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