Liquorice

[Liquorice]

do i miss him, i think i do, but i also feel i hate him and cant stand him around me, why.am i even upset by this, i dont understand. I. So tired of all.of this, tired of ceying, feeling low ,

[Liquorice]

Thanks IWMB
….lots of baby steps taken, a few backwards, but more forwards than ever before xx
Hope you are doing well xx

[Liquorice]

💕

[Liquorice]

Thankyou both, last night was hard but i managed to not contact him, today i feel exhausted, with a headache and i cant make the simplest decisions about things like getting dressed or what to eat so im just sat here

[Liquorice]

Wow, thats a really clear explanation of the very large mess going around inside my head, thankyou x

[Liquorice]

You dont sound bitter at all, that must be very hard to live around another couple. Big hug, hope it helps a little xx

[Liquorice]

I dont understand why i feel so sad

[Liquorice]

All the phone numbers and aupport groups, and i feel so sad and lonely. I wouldnt take my boy back to that life now, even though im not sure he is any better off left with me…but what i would do right now for a hug from those great big arms, to be back in the comfort of my husband, the familiar smell etc …

[Liquorice]

All the sneeking around and lying about where I am makes me feel bad, and then im supposed to just leave, take his kid away from him and leave him with nothing without even telling him.
Then there is all the talk about fire risk safety to the new property, and parent orders for oir son and it just seems so much, if its so risky to leave then why not just stay?

[Liquorice]

Whats wrong with me, what was i thinking i cant, i cant do it. Im sorry, i know so many people would want this opportunity but i just cant do it

[Liquorice]

I just dont know what im supposed to do from here, uproot my kid and leave, im not even sure what i can afford, and renting is so scary, what if they end up throwing us out my poor boy will be so distressed moving from place to place. As if being taken away from his dad isnt going to be hard enough for him, apparently refuge is classed as a safe place of accomodation so then we wont be rushed to find housing im so worried about all this, why cant everyone just leave us be

[Liquorice]

Thanks for all the replies it helps a lottle to know someone is listening,I finally answered yes to a lady that messaged me about a chat, took me a week mind so she may not want to now, bur cant beloeve i actually said yes!!! Hope i can go through with it this time, hate wasting peoples time when.i know they could be helping someone else.
Maddog smoke away, i bloody would if i thought he wouldnt catch me out, a little crutch everyone has said, work on cutting back slowly rather than just letting go i guess xxx

[Liquorice]

Ladies,this post rings true so much,so may things you have each talked about i could have written myself,the sex, the fault with my friends, the dogs, but mostly the lying, it makes me feel im just like him, we are both hiding what our at home life is like to the outside world, to all our friends and family, how can i ever say he is the one the wrong when im a liar too?

[Liquorice]

Have also tried reading but ifeel the stuff i read is so extreme and makes me think our situation isnt that bad and im making seem worse than it is amd wasting peoples time if i talk about it?

[Liquorice]

Thankyou ladies, i have tried baby steps as suggested,attempting to distance myself emotionally from him to get a bit of breathing/thinking space butif anyyhing goes wrong or upsets me i feel i need a hug from him, i just dont understand, how can he make me feel so sad and scared one minute but be the one that makes everyrhing better at other times.

[Liquorice]

Thanks ladies, i have set up another email and sent them there and removed them of my phone. I feel better already just not looking at them, even though they are still present on my legs having them on my phone was really getting to me xx

[Liquorice]

Thanks, yeah she said email them but my husband knows my email details. I suppose i could set up another email, it just feels so scary having something thats there to look at

[Liquorice]

Sorry

[Liquorice]

I cant,i cant call anyone. Nobody can help anyway,he will just say its all me. Ive tried this before,telling people doesnt help it just makes me sick with worry about what they may do like take my baby away from me or i could loose my job. Im no good and nobody wants to listen to me.

[Liquorice]

Such a failiure,cant even protect my baby.

[Liquorice]

Thank you for the reply, it wasnt actually that bad a bit of sulking and a very demanding evening from him bit i managed to tuck my little one up safely in bed before he got his feelings hurt thank god.

[Liquorice]

I went and we talked a little….and she said it she said my marriage isnt a normal relationship that there is definatly domestic abuse….im not sure how i feel i was sweating like mad felt sick and i still have a headache today. They assured me its all confidential unless they think my little one is at risk of harm but its still a worry now someone else knows

[Liquorice]

I dont know whats happened, im in so much pain, i feel like my insides are on fire and really sharp pains?? Ive been told to go to bed because hes sick of me moaning and pulling faces on his Friday night. Nothings happened between us that hasnt happened before and ive never felt like this

[Liquorice]

Oh no, ive spilt milk in the fridge and had to throw some foods out and ive taken bits of the fridge to clean and cant figure out hoe to get it all back together, stupid girl stupid stupid stupid!!! Im dreading this, so tired from the last few days already, and now ive made it worse.

[Liquorice]

Autopilot…numbness…these are good words to describe how i feel

[Liquorice]

Its been a rubbish two days, sunday seems to have just been the start of it, hes finished with me tonight-his words-so has gone to bed, im just left here staring at the tv, practically looking through it to the wall but im not as alone as he thinks i can talk here, and it helps a bit so thank you all x

[Liquorice]

Choccomummag…i know its so frustrating and scary, keep things closed to ourselves for so long then when we do finally speak out people act and take over x

[Liquorice]

IWMB, the shame is very hard, i find reaching out to services hard because i am ashamed of everything, what ive said, what ive done,what i let happen, everything xx

[Liquorice]

Thaks for the huG fuzzyfelt, greatly needed at the moment. Serenity yes attatchment to routines to try and ease the chaos is exact. I still feel pretty rubbish but hes gone (detail removed by moderator) today so i have a little breathing space even if its only a few hours it usually helps me a little. But so far im just sat here being miserable i just cant seem to pull myself out of it this time. He took the baby to nannies house said im not suitable to be left on my own with him because im a miserable bitch and i should just kill muself and get it over with for everyones sake .

[Liquorice]

Yes we live together we are married and have a young child. Unfortunatly i think alot of what happens is actaully my fault, i do try but still get so much wrong. Like i said ive spoken about things at home to some people but nothing comes of it so im sure its not actaully that bad. Or may e he is right and nobody cares, he can di what he likes. I dont feel i can ring a helpline because i never no what to say and then feel like im wasting there time.

[Author]

Posts