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    • #35734
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Oh Cuppa – you’ve been through the mill and come out the other end, you inspire me and give me hope that one day I’ll get there. Everything you’ve said rings bells and stirs memories. I hope you gain happiness you truly deserve it xx

    • #35703
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      White Rose-mine often pretends he’s asleep, he’s unaware of you watching him or that you don’t know what he’s doing then pretend surprise, waking up or that I just interrupted, all for effect I think.

      Cuppa – I’ve read a lot, it all makes complete sense but there’s the doubt I’m just being sensitive or grumpy.

      Suntree – Thankyou so much for posting, everything you’ve written is what my life has been so far, I so desperately want to get away then he starts being nice again! He’s realised I’m getting stronger, back at work after a spell of anxiety, I’ve had the ‘woe is me’ act for a week but last night was bordering on angry, tonight he’s sent my grown up daughter to (detail removed by moderator) I’ve not complied so he’s talking to him self as if I can’t hear him about how ungrateful I am, how he tries to keep me happy etc. I just want to scream that I want out! Why can’t I just do that, why do I sit like a kitten shaking and feeling sick.

      I’m scared, scared of plunging in an anxiety pit so deep I won’t get out! How did you manage when you left, you say it got worse for awhile. I’ve just thought that if we didn’t live together I would never chose to visit so why live together now.

      Sorry I know it’s a long post but it helps to get it out.

    • #35673
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Thankyou for your kind words. It helps to know this isn’t normal behaviour. I know I need to do something about it, but also know he will be like this for weeks then be ok for a couple of weeks which totally confuses me. I know its a cycle but I can’t seem to do anything about it.

    • #35651
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Good idea, funny how when you read posts you have to check its not what you’ve written because the man is the one your living with!

    • #35646
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Oh dear, mine has done this for years! I thought it was me being a grump, not finding it funny.

      He’d punch me so hard on the upper arm, in play, he’d leave bruises. My boss once asked me if he’d been hitting me! I excused it at the time as it was done in fun… I thought.

    • #35645
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Thank you confused, I do feel trapped your right. I am also struggling admitting to myself that I’m in a bad relationship, I know that if I do then I have to do something about it and that’s so frightening in case I make the wrong decisions.

      I’ve never been on my own, I’ve been in this marriage for almost (detail removed by moderator) years! I know no different, so this could all be normal and I’d have nothing to compare it with. It could all me being over sensitive. I’m sure it’s not but this goes through my mind over and over.

      Writing it down really helps, putting it here means nobody who knows me will ever find it.

      Thankyou for listening and your support.

    • #35638
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Sorry

      You have respect for yourself and others.

    • #35637
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      My husband is awful!!
      He showers once a week, cleans his teeth then changes his socks and boxers! He works in a manual job and gets sweaty and smelly. He never washes his hands when he’s been to the loo. He complains when he makes me a cup of tea in a dirty mug and I don’t drink it.

      I now tell him he smells and he called me a stuck up bitch.

      Although I think he’s like this because he can’t be bother, why should he, he thinks. His teeth are horrid and brown, he doesn’t care. He also uses the ‘only dirty people wash’ line.

      So no your not shallow, just have respect for yourself and others😃

    • #7539
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Hi, I’m so glad you all shared this subject, for decades of years I thought there was something very wrong with me, to the point of physical sickness afterwards!!! All the names, groping everything!!! Are they all do similar?

    • #6845
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Hi Moon

      I am late forties now and have suffered domestic abuse since I was a teenager with the same man, nobody helped me, I didn’t tell anyone but people saw lots of his aggressive and verbal abuse and knew about the financial abuse. I was terrified of him and have been treated for major anxiety for years, with what I thought there was no reason for.

      In the last couple of months I have realised with the help of a counsellor and these amazing ladies, its not me wanting far to much from a relationship, but him being abusive. I am so sad and angry I’ve wasted years on him.

      I tell you this because I care for you and don’t want the same for you, and your abuse is so much worse. If I could write a letter to my younger self I would say “run run run, stop worrying about anybodys feelings and just walk out, even if it’s just with the clothes on your back and your child in your arms, go!!! The rest will sort itself out. This will never get any better ever and you will come back to this time and time again”

      I so wish someone had taken me to one side and said, this is really bad treatment, you are so right to get out, leave him I’ll help you.

      So sorry Moon, this is so hard for you but I really feel your in such danger now and in the future.

      I really hope this doesn’t upset you. I really don’t want too but maybe that’s what others thought about me.

      Stay safe as you can

      Midnight xx

    • #6831
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Hi Moon

      You are definitely doing the right thing. Somebody told me you don’t have to be 150% certain, it’s helped me realise that I am going to have massive doubts but that’s ok.

      I hope you get out soon and safe.

      MidnightMarbles XX

    • #6801
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      I am over the moon for you!

      Your fabulous and really brave. Just three little words and one foot in front of the other and everything else will follow.

      Love Midnight xx

    • #6714
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Oh no, I hope it wasn’t to much.

      I know when your low it takes time and well meaning people go on about what to do, sometimes I just let it wash over me and cry, that can help. If that’s all you want to do right now, that’s ok too.

      I really feel for you and hope you’ll feel better soon.

      Xxx

    • #6692
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Hi White Rose

      I so agree with falling sky, once your antidepressants start to work everything will become easier and mental health is just the same as physical health, just not as talked about. I’ve been on them for years and I’ve come to the conclusion that if I was diabetic I would be irresponsibility not to take meds.

      As to friends, we all have such busy lives that I very rarely make the first contact. If I think about it though I always feel as though friends will not want to talk or see me. So I’m always grateful for the friends that contact me first. Keep contacting friends, keep involved as much as you can, the more contact you make, the more you become included.

      As falling sky said sod New year’s eve. An evening where you HAVE to be happy when your shattered and everyone just waiting for 12.

      Why not try and make a good new year start, maybe a healthy meal, lots of fresh water and curl up with your daughter or a really good blow out with any leftover treats to prepare you for a healthy start on the first.
      I walk with the ramblers, if your daughter is old enough why not join them, details are on the website. All groups are very welcoming and usually have a good laugh. Scary I know but well worth the effort if you can manage it.

      Look after yourself, I find lots of rest helps, if you can sit still long enough.

      I really hope you feel better soon, as you know it takes time.

      Sending a great big hug to you xxx

      Ps hope I’m helping and not hindering.

    • #6633
      Midnight Marbles
      Participant

      Hi FS

      Your situation sounds so familiar, I’m allowed in the kitchen but only if he can sit and criticise me all the time, but when he does anything I’m made to feel as though I never cook. He moans constantly about how the kids have glasses to drink from.

      Hope your Christmas is safe, happy and you get to relax a little.

      MM xx

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