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Thanks auriel these are things Iv been thinking , Iv always had lots of issues with passive aggressive stuff

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Hi redred
I have this aswell, very recently in fact and it’s amazes me how they all use the same things ! Iv never had an affair and mine said to me “oh I know what’s been going on” and I thought ,, what? What has been going on? Please tell me !!! What eclipsed has said is very helpful I often think they don’t really believe that it’s just a weapon to use x

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Hi redred
I have this aswell, very recently in fact and it’s amazes me how they all use the same things ! Iv never had an affair and mine said to me “oh I know what’s been going on” and I thought ,, what? What has been going on? Please tell me !!! What eclipsed has said is very helpful I often think they don’t really believe that it’s just a weapon to use x

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Wow these are really helpful messages . I have had a worry today with my daughter saying that I’m unkind and I straight away wondered if he had planted some horrible seed I’m am v concerned about this . The thing about mind going into overdrive is v true and the bit about how their response is . It’s reall like they are a totally different species it amazes me . This is so reassuring I don’t feel like I’m on my own now thank you

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When people “medicalise” it 😡 like it’s an illness and when u read Lundy Bancroft he explains it’s in their way of thinking attitudes briefs but their psyche

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Hi this is all very familiar to me and can relate to it all this has been so helpful for me
Thanks
X

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Hi can really relate to this : “Makes a huge deal of it, especially if I sit and watch tv or am on my phone as he does it. t now and then it isn’t up to his standards and he stomps about, crashing around tidying, saying things like “this place is a s******e”. Then I am on edge as I know his rage is going up and up.” My husband would make me feel on edge banging about making a massive deal about tidying and cleaning saying he is sick if coming home to this and I’d look around and think “ what is he looking at “ ?! He would say ut had take. Him an hour to clean up the kitchen when I’d done most of ut and therefore he couldn’t have time with the kids before they went to bed . I would feel exhausted on my days off to make sure I could avoid anything that would set him off regarding any mess and he would always find something and u would try and do jobs that would appear to have the most impact when he got home and I resent now the impact it’s had on me and probably my kids . It has been really helpful you posting this . I know how this feels . Take care x

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Hi there .. just wanted to agree with the first two posts from bumblebee and soapt and how exactly this is for me atm , I can relate to much of this right now xx

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Thank you
Banana boat I know I don’t trust him and have been wondering what sense to make of this and whether that will change and my feelings are not what they were . I think I am as you say “just happy enough” as notthat bad atm
Thanks

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Hi I’m in this aswell and the good times are intended to confuse it’s all deliberate . I’m still with mine and Iv been speaking on the phone to my local womens aid for almost a year and it has been a lifeline . I’m not sure why u have been told you can’t get the support unless u leave ? Knowledge is power and it certainly sounds like abuse to me . Iv read living with the dominator by pat craven and why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft ( u can read it online )
I would definitely recommend contacting ur local wa in some way
It’s all about power and control
Take care x

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Hi similarities for me too . I found I was changing my behaviour although Iv only re realised this . He would always be moody sulky and I’d be on edge in a (detail removed by moderator) evening when I came back from the my (detail removed by moderator) class . I couldn’t understand it but now I can see it was probably me going to the (detail removed by moderator) . I really struggled to bring up me wanting to meet friends through fear of a stroppy response about money which I now think he used to make me feel bad about going out . I often would put friends off or at no be issue if him to avoid the conflict .
Atm it’s but about the going out that’s the problem it’s changed a few times since then . If u read why do they do that it talks about the control tactics being different for everyone . Some can go out and do what they want but others it’s can be about abuser having to win every argument for example
It certainly sounds abusive behaviour . Def call your local w aid service
Take care x

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Hi thinkingitsme I feel so angry for you I’m gritting my teeth reading this because he absolutely does know and he feels so entitled and he doesn’t care about the impact he is having . Makes me so mad hearing this and making you feel guilty when you have done the right thing leaving and prioritising your daughter and he still tries to get to you 🤯🤬. You havnt done anything wrong and he knows you havnt really he just wants you to think this so he feels better . It’s all about power and control just remember that . Your reaction is normal human reaction and have dare he ! Watch dr Romani in utube x

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Search for hope thanks
Definitely things I’m feeling
X

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Thanks these are all the things I’m feeling
So helpful x

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Thanks twisted sister I can relate to what I say about the lower grade stuff
I find that challenging the lower grad stuff is very hard
X

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