RXRX

[RXRX]

I had my chance and I froze. I couldn’t go through with it. I am so so so stupid!!!

why!!??!

why couldn’t I just do it!

I kept thinking what will everyone say about me taking kids and leaving!?
why do I even care! I wish I was stronger for my kids! I could cry.

[RXRX]

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate the kind words. I know u can go through with it,  there’s a very special occasion- b-day next week.do I stay for it or leave before. I know he will never forgive me if he misses it x and it will probably make him go off the scale angry.

there have been harsh words also. He says I can’t parent my teenager, says it’s all their fault we argue and why he’s feeling ill with stress. He’s trying to shift the blame for his recent actions and get the blame onto someone else, they only have to breathe wrong for him to kick off and have a go.

[RXRX]

I left (detail removed by Moderator) and returned after (detail removed by Moderator) days. I was promised change and everything yours is saying, but the reality of it is that nothing will ever change. If any these more controlling now I’ve gone back even doesn’t let me go anywhere with the little ones… has stopped them seeing my oldest children and family too.

I felt obliged to go back for the family concept, why do you feel you need to go back?

I’ve got chance of a place with refuge but can’t get out at this moment… and im safety planning and getting things together as we speak. Doesn’t help it’s my (detail removed by Moderator) in (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and I feel obliged to stay for it.

all I can say is, that In my very recent circumstances the change never happened. I was living on hope and like you remembering the good times. Please also remember the bad times and stay safe whatever you choose to do.

[RXRX]

This was me 5/6 years ago.

Please, leave now. I wish I had.
xxx

[RXRX]

And most of this is over the phone, so technically is it not just my word over his? His messages are nice as nice he’s very clever he always makes sure he looks like the nice guy X

[RXRX]

I know and logically you make complete sense. But my fear is greater

how am I supposed to coparent that situation? Like how could anyone. I want to get as far away as I can! 😔😔

youve been great! Thank you x

[RXRX]

Thank you!
it’s always at the most inappropriate time. Then I’m all the bad ones if I reject him. He says I don’t love him or respect him, he’ll easily find someone who would. To which I say go on then. I can’t bear the thought of him even touching me after what he says. He doesn’t mean it though as it’s only in an argument… I take it to heart and apparently I say things I don’t mean either.

[RXRX]

I know what you mean it just feels like I need a reason at that time to go because when he is nice it’s like I feel I’m the bad one if I go. Then I question if it is really that bad… xx

[RXRX]

I’ve just recently started reading it, it’s definitely eye opening.

i just feel like the bad one if i leave with the children, like i think of his feelings in everything but he clearly doesn’t, or he does sometimes, which is why he is maybe nice sometimes.

How did child arrangements work for you when you left?

[RXRX]

I’m in the same boat, so I hope this may help me also.
I left and went to a refuge, no planning just went.

I also returned to him after promise of change. didn’t happen for long. I’m now looking to leave again- but properly.

stay strong, don’t let him wear you down xxx

[RXRX]

I left and went to a refuge no planning at all, just completely numb and went.

I went back and now it’s worse. I will be leaving again and I will not be returning.

look after yourself in the mean time and don’t be disheartened if things change, for long, anyways.

[RXRX]

Do they eventually do this to their own?

Is emotional abuse even grounds to leave and go to a refuge? Like what kind of evidence will I need?

Do they actually get access? If I stay then at least I can kind of regulate his moods and keep the kids partially out of his way I guess.

[RXRX]

My contract is in his name so he would see on the bill… so I can’t anyways

[RXRX]

If I call them will it be logged anywhere?

I mean is emotional abuse even a good enough reason to leave and go to a refuge?

He has so much money he would keep going and going in court… I know in years to come the little ones will see his true colours but is that not neglect on my part if I do stay… I hate myself for getting the kids into this situation

[RXRX]

Hi,

You are doing amazing! And totally the right thing! Please don’t ever doubt yourself or your actions.

I doubted mine and it’s been the same time after time, I’ve left with my kids and we are happy.

I did take him back but kept my house; (detail removed by moderator) later he has shown his true colours. My ex wasn’t violent as such, just emotionally and financially, like you. It’s werid because it doesn’t feel like abuse at first but it is.

Keep doing what you’re doing xx

 

 

[RXRX]

No it’s really really not… but I believed he’d changed! Because I really wanted him to

Apparently anyone who doesn’t think he is a good person is because they’re jealous over what ‘we’ had.

I’m struggling financially to be honest and the money is there in our business… which I can’t have if I’m not with him.

I wish he’d just completely leave me alone- he’s puts on a good show and quite frankly messes my head up so much! 😔

[RXRX]

He didn’t change- took (detail removed by moderator)

All because i didn’t want to tell friends and family etc… (detail removed by moderator) isn’t long enough to know if change is consistent!! Apparently I’m a narc??? Is it me or am I just too forgiving?

My god! He’s now being nice after continuously calling all day and messaging, just to say it’s my fault because I changed my mind!

He’s knows I don’t mean it, I feel like a complete mug for even thinking he could be different so annoyed.

[RXRX]

Hi! I was in the same position as you, so similar in fact it’s scary.
I made the move and am in my own home- (detail removed by moderator).

My emotions are all over and barrage of abuse unreal. But… it’s for the best, he’s playing every card he can to scare me into taking him back.
I used to think my ex would do the same, he hasn’t. He’s been pretty supportive in fact.
But you know deep down what’s is best for you and your children. It’s hard, so very very hard. I know how you feel but it won’t last forever, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I’m half way through now, you can do it.

Big hugs, just remember, everything will be fine xxx

[RXRX]

Thank you all so much!

So I’m in and moved, well actually the house pretty bare but it’s mine and my kiddies new place so I’ve got everything I will ever need right here now.

As he’s currently being remanded I took the chance, he’s said (detail removed by moderator).
He’s tried saying sorry, crying, he’s changed, everything. I know he won’t leave me alone when he gets out but I can deal with that. I’m not controlled by him no more!

Thank you all again so much 😘

[RXRX]

So had the call I was dreading. He is getting out; end of this week beginning of next. I don’t know what to do my head is all over and I feel sick to the stomach.
I still haven’t got a date for the keys on new place and feel it’s all going to fall apart and I’m going to be trapped again. I do not want to be here when he’s out.

[RXRX]

Do not believe him, they all must have the same book as what you’ve said is exactly what mine says. Please for the love of god, do not believe him. They use this as way to get back in, they do not mean it. I had mine crying today, saying the exact same things. I hope you find the strength from within to resist. You can do this, although I can imagine it’s a living nightmare at the moment Xx

[RXRX]

That cycle of abuse is so true. Thing is I’ve he has never actually hit me, he has only ever locked me in the house when I’ve tried to leave after an argument. Then restrained me and made sure I’ve not left. The feeling of that is worse, I know I’m no match for his strength, so I’m frustration and on between him taunting me I’ve lashed out in any way, I’ve even thrown cups and plates at him as I felt so weak. I know I’ve not been a dream and he’s said that I have problems… my problem is him! Thanks so much KIP I appreciate your kind words xx

[RXRX]

The kids aren’t his. I feel like a the worst Mam ever for ever letting him near them! I feel so stupid! I’m more annoyed with myself for letting it get this far

[RXRX]

Thank you…. it’s just a living nightmare!

He says I’m the narcissist here and I’m the one who plays mind games.

He’s currently in prison, I darent take anything as he will say I took his things. And don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s got money and has flushed me and my kids with gifts holidays and house etc… but this isn’t worth it.

He says if I were to leave him while in prison it’s the lowest of the low!

Am I right to leave now? I think it’s the perfect opportunity?

[RXRX]

I guess so… everything is his way or no way… I can’t make a decision because it’s always the wrong one…

I find myself just constantly bowing down and don’t even stand up for myself any more. That’s not the person I am.
everyone thinks he is so lovely and he’s just not, behind closed doors it’s a nightmare, constantly walking on eggshells.
I want to leave, far far away from him but know that’s not possible with the kids…

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