strong soul

[strong soul]

I feel for you right now. Be strong. You said you have dogs. Trust in them to keep you safe. Be proactive in your own life. Take self defence classes, boxing etc. Give yourself the skills and confidence to defend yourself if needed. Keep a record of everything. And tell the police everything that happens. Let your neighbours know what’s going on, that way if they hear anything or see your ex they are more likely to react, or at the very least be more observant. Good luck and be strong XXX

[strong soul]

From my own experience, the abuse started with love and affection. He told me at the end that he picked me out of a crowded pub, because he wanted to see if he could break me. The reason was that I was so independent and confident. Initially he treated me like a princess, at the same time he was laying down the first stage of abuse. Emotional blackmail. He made me love him whilst at the same time manipulating me. It wasn’t all bad. It took me a long time to break the emotional connection. Be strong and stick with it. Good luck XXX

[strong soul]

Hi sweetheart, what you’re going through is perfectly normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s gonna take a long time before you’re ready to date again. You need to take time to heal yourself. It will take time but you will get there in the end. Be strong and don’t be scared to be alone. Get the help you need and look after yourself first and foremost. Good luck xx

[strong soul]

It’s a perfectly natural feeling. I lived in fear for such a long time. Now I feel confident that if he ever did come back I could stand up to him. I would still be terrified but I hope that I will not give him the benefit of showing him my fear. He does not control me anymore. Good luck xx

[strong soul]

LOL, I logged in to post the same comment. Stay safe and be strong. You are so much stronger than you believe you are. Good luck to everyone XXX

[strong soul]

Well done you for leaving. It’s not easy coping after abuse. You can live without him. Be strong and get all the help you can. Good luck x

[strong soul]

I wish you a safe Christmas. Tonight is the anniversary of the last time my ex assaulted me. He sodomised me whilst simultaneously pushing my face into my pillow causing me to suffocate. When I got up the next day I knew that this was the time to end it. I pray for your safety this Christmas time. Get help as soon as you can. Stay safe XXX

[strong soul]

A positive message for all the women in this support group. It’s a rocky road of recovery, but eventually you see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not easy breaking the bonds of domestic abuse, but the rewards are worth it. To live with an abusive partner means that you are actually stronger than you think. Think how powerful you can be living a life without fear. XXX

[strong soul]

Today is the anniversary of the last time my ex assaulted me. It’s always been a day I dread. This year has not been as bad as I expected. I think part of the reason is that I have confided in a handful of people that I trust. Offloading my secret and knowing that people believe me has been such a relief. Also the fact that I have been boxing since March and now know that I can defend myself has given me strength. Early anniversaries remind us of how powerless we felt, as time goes by it reminds us of how strong we actually are.

[strong soul]

I feel the same way. Christmas has such bad memories for me. This year I am particularly worried. It was (detail removed by Moderator) since I ended the relationship, however I’m worried because last year he sent my daughter a birthday card for her (detail removed by Moderator) birthday, she was (detail removed by Moderator). That means that in his mind this will be the (detail removed by Moderator) anniversary. I know he will blame me for everything that has gone wrong in his life in that time. I have this deep rooted fear that he will come back to kill me one day. I’m much stronger than I was and know that I can stand up to him, however he is significantly taller than me and can easily overpower me. I know this is a horrible thing to say but I will only feel safe when he is either dead or in prison. It’s unlikely that I will be told of either. Will this fear ever end?

[strong soul]

Thankyou cuppa x

[strong soul]

I think when people see how distraught you are when you relive those experiences, they believe you. Remember its his shame to carry, not yours.

[strong soul]

Thankyou so much ayanna . I didn’t know about the supplements. I will definitely look into it.

[strong soul]

White rose, you’re absolutely right, the more we talk about it, the less women will suffer in silence. I would love to, one day, give talks in high schools about domestic abuse. None of us thought it would ever happen to us. If I can use my experience and stop just one woman going through what I went through. It can destroy your life, the long term effects are devastating. Education and awareness are key to reducing future victims.

[strong soul]

Hi, I think you’re incredibly brave. My ex raped me 4 times, that’s not including the amount of times I didn’t fight back and let him do what he needed to do. The last time was the most violent , he also pushed my face into the pillow causing me to suffocate. I was terrified, I thought this is it, he’s finally going to kill me. I wish I had reported him to the police. I carry the guilt of knowing that I could have stopped him from doing this to other woman. I think you’re amazing for having the courage to go to the police and standing up to him.

[strong soul]

Fear is a massive part of an abusive relationship. I had been alienated from my family and didn’t think that I could go to them for help. During the (detail removed by moderator) of our relationship he had told me so many times that he could kill me any time he wanted to that I believed him, as well as telling me about his families criminal history. Not only that but I had learned to put a brave face on when we were out in public. As far as everyone else knew we had a good relationship. Who would believe me. I now know that there are people out there that will believe you and will help you to rebuild your life. If your family and friends are true to you then they will believe you and stand by you. You also have to send a message to your daughters that this type of relationship is not normal or acceptable. You have to do the right thing by yourself and your daughters, marriage or no marriage, it’s time to leave.

[strong soul]

I used to pretend to be asleep too. I’d pray that when he came to bed he would pass out drunk quickly. When he did I used to get up and go downstairs and sleep on the sofa. Sometimes he would be the one to go to bed first and I would stay downstairs. If he got up in the night and came downstairs I would pretend to be asleep but I would hear him making comments about me as he stumbled around the kitchen.I too used to bring my little one to bed with me, I felt ashamed to use her as a security blanket, but I knew it was the only way to protect myself against him. It’s no life to live, I wish I had gotten out sooner. Stay safe xx

[strong soul]

Just because it happens only at the weekend doesn’t mean that its not abuse. He knows that you will be walking on egg shells throughout the week waiting for the weekend. If he doesn’t like the way you dress tough. Your son should not have to listen to him degrade you. He will grow up to think that that is how you treat women.

[strong soul]

I love that quote, thankyou for sharing it. I had a moment today where I was thinking to myself, how can I have so much pain and anger, yet simultaneously I am numb and void of feeling.

[strong soul]

Hello I will survive, I’m so glad to hear that you’re getting counselling as well as alot of support from your family and friends. There are too many women who go through this alone. I am one of them. What you’re experiencing is perfectly normal. It’s a cross between the empowering feeling of breaking free and the doubt that you can make it without him in your life. Please don’t be complacent about your ex partners apparent good nature. If he treated you badly before he will do it again. You are stronger than you think, stick with the counselling sessions and good luck xx

[strong soul]

You can go into your settings and select privacy settings. This will only let people on your friends list to see your profile. You can also block people from viewing your fb. Hope this helps.

[strong soul]

Writing it down for your own benefit is definitely a good idea. I really think that you need to ask for legal advice, especially if you have children together. Well done for making the decision to leave, it takes alot of courage and shows how strong you are.

[strong soul]

This man is showing all the signs of an abuser. Gaining your trust by being nice and then pushing the boundaries to see how much embarrassing and sexual suggestions he can get away with. Then to soil your bathroom like that, knowing that you will have to clean it up!!!!. Get him out of your life now.

[strong soul]

You obviously need physical and emotional support. Reach out to your doctor. You shouldn’t be made to feel this bad or have your physical needs ignored. Good luck

[strong soul]

It took me years after I ended the relationship with my ex before I even thought about dating again. I eventually signed up to a dating site. Because of the mental abuse my ex put me through I didn’t expect anyone to contact me. I thought it would be a safe way to start talking to men again and build my confidence up again. I was shocked at the amount of responses I got. Although I’ve been on a couple of dates no one has got a second date. I don’t think its a coincidence that I have been over critical about the dates. I know I’m not ready yet.

[strong soul]

I’m shocked that you were even given a male in the first place. I know this is a very general comment and at first we view all men the same, but there are some good men out there, not all of them want to hurt us. I’m sure he’s great at his job but if you’re not comfortable ask for someone else.

[strong soul]

Hi tuppance, he is still abusing you by shifting blame from himself to you. He is also using your children to emotionally abuse you. By making you doubt yourself as a parent he is keeping you in the home and making you more dependent on him. The choice has to be yours, however in my opinion this relationship is toxic. Be strong and believe in yourself.

[strong soul]

Thankyou to everyone for your comments. I’m already feeling stronger just being here. No one can truly understand what it was like and how you feel after you’ve left that relationship behind unless they’ve also experienced the same thing. Thankyou so much for sharing your own experiences.

[strong soul]

My ex used to tell me I was disgusting and worthless and not fit to breathe the same air as him. It’s those words that still affect me the most. Everyone is entitled to a bad day and the occasional outburst, however it should always be followed up with an apology. As for your child, ask yourself this, would your child be happier with you and your partner separated, and not living in an environment filled with fear and anxiety, or together in an intense and toxic relationship. You have to make the choice yourself when you’re ready because only when you’re ready will you be strong enough to leave for good.

[strong soul]

Lightness, you are absolutely right about not talking about it and just leaving. From personal experience, every time I threatened to leave, he always talked me around with guilt and false promises. Abusers are bullies, they hide their own insecurities by intimidating others. Making the decision to leave without telling them undermines the control they have over you. Yes it might anger them, but only because they thought that they had complete control over you.

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