survivorabuse

[survivorabuse]

No you are not. You shouldn’t have to put up with their behaviour. Your stepson shouldn’t be damaging your home like that.  Your husband should be supporting you not just sticking up for his son.

 

[survivorabuse]

With mine it would be good then sometimes I would just say something and then sulking it was always sulking I hated that. He would be walking with me with his arm around my waist and people probably thought they are a happy couple little did they know!!!!!

It’s always sad to think how we were tucked in by them but at least we got away from them. Even now I sometimes think about what he would do. He would tell people I was clumsy if they saw bruises

[survivorabuse]

I just wanted to add when I first left my ex, me and the kids were in our new kitchen and I put the radio on and we all started singing and dancing in the kitchen and my children said mummy’s smiling and I realised we were happy just on our own.  It was just those 2 words that made me feel stronger and I was adamant we weren’t going back to him.  I ignored his pleas to go back and every time I said no I felt stronger and more in control and his tears just made me laugh

Try not to think of it as a race.  Good luck you are strong. All of us ladies are

[survivorabuse]

I wished I had took notice of the red flags in the beginning. Looking back there were so many.

One argument we once had ended in him saying bullshit. I told him I hated that word so guess what? It became one of his favourite words to say.

Decent men don’t joke around pretending to be angry, and when an abuser is mad, manipulation follows.

[survivorabuse]

Mine used sex as well to control me. We both have high sex drives. He didn’t rape me but in the end I used to say that I was tired, not in the mood. He used to sulk for England if I didn’t. At the end if I needed money he would say I have to earn it by giving him a blowjob! Even if I needed nappies for the baby. He also used to bite my nipples really hard hurting me. I once ended up with a massive bruise on my nipple.

[survivorabuse]

Yep they are just little boy bullies who are scared but we are the strong ones

[survivorabuse]

I have visions of us all on horses lol.

We are told that if we leave then …… Well bring it on!
We are told we won’t get anyone better. YES we can because next time we will know if something seems off in a new man.
THEY ARE JUST PATHETIC LITTLE BOYS!!!! WHO ARE BULLIES

Sorry for the rant I am all revved up today lol

[survivorabuse]

Can you try and get some family support? I reached out to my sister after (detail removed by Moderator) years of not speaking and she was so supportive and she helped me to get out. In your post you said he’s never hit you but thrown you, that is physical abuse.

Men like this can never love, they don’t know the meaning of the word! I hope you get away from him soon.

[survivorabuse]

I did yes but it didn’t make any difference. He still beat me but he did it harder, his excuse? If you hadn’t provoked me I wouldn’t have hit you harder! You can’t win with these men

[survivorabuse]

KIP

Mine asked me that as well. He sent me a picture of his penis asking me if I miss this. I didn’t respond

Sounds as though we are better off without these so called men

[survivorabuse]

Hi all

So many of us have put up with awful stuff over the years

With my abuser it was money and the fact that he was always disrespecting me. I have always hated swearing and he was always swearing at me. He seemed to love to say no more bull***t if I said I was too tired

[survivorabuse]

Thank you

Yes he is a very nasty man. 2 mins after he used to get in from work, I knew what mood he was in. That fear, that dread used to be there and if he was in a good mood then brilliant.

Glad I haven’t had to spend any time with him during lockdown. The kids have been mostly good, but like all children nightmare at times.

[survivorabuse]

Hi

It’s a joint mortgage. We also had a joint bank account but he just used to take all the money including my wages and give me an allowance. I opened a separate bank account and arranged for my wages to be put in that. He used to take money out of my purse regularly.

He lied to me about the remortgage. I signed something for something completely different. I feel stupid now but if I did have to pay then I wouldn’t trust him to pay the mortgage. I think he has missed payments. He was always bad with paying. He used to let things like electric be cut off before he paid.

When my brother took the kids to him, he told me there are holes in the walls where my ex has put his fist through the wall.

I am going to call the mortgage and find out my options.

[survivorabuse]

Mine have been nightmares too lately. I blame myself letting the kids video call their father.

[survivorabuse]

Thank you. It makes me feel so angry to think that these men get away with not paying anything for the children that are half theirs.

[survivorabuse]

Yeap same here. Mine has gone one even better. He said that if he promises to sleep on the sofa would I come back. I wonder how long it would be until he forgot his promise lol

We just need to stay strong and not manipulated

[survivorabuse]

Hi

I was the same. My ex rang the kids on video chat the other day and I started to miss him, his voice, everything

Then I remembered the times of walking on eggshells, not being able to do what I want etc.

None of us want to go back to how things were.

[survivorabuse]

I wish I had done what you have done when I first got with my abuser. They always start with little things like looking back my husband used to say things like I earn enough for the both of us. On our wedding day my (removed by moderator) heard him say to his friends she’s mine now I got the certificate

Listen to your gut feeling now

[survivorabuse]

My brother said to ignore the dummy incident. It backfired on him because she didn’t cry for a dummy when I got her back

[survivorabuse]

I won’t send him any ammunition that he could use against me. I laugh at some of the texts he sends me. (Detail removed by moderator) he said that if I promise to sleep on the sofa will you come back lol. If only the problem was that. Stupid idiot

 

[survivorabuse]

Thank you

I have 3 children to him and the first 2 are old enough to understand. My brother takes the kids to see him and the (detail removed by moderator) he was giving the baby a dummy. He knew this would wind me up and he put a photograph of it on (detail removed by moderator). I never even mentioned it to him but my brother did tell me he asked him about if I had seen it. My brother said no she didn’t see it.

Every opportunity he gets to wind me up he delights in it I can tell

I don’t bite back. He sent a text (detail removed by moderator) saying he got lucky (detail removed by moderator) knowing just how much he can still get under my skin. He rang again on video chat earlier and I declined the call. He then left a nasty voicemail saying how dare I keep the kids away and not able to speak to them. I didn’t want to talk to you I wanted to speak to the kids!

I am thinking of sending the following text

You don’t bother me anymore. I am not interested in being with you. This is about the children. We don’t love each other but we love the kids. I declined the video call because the kids were playing happily but we are never going to live together again because I cannot tolerate your abuse and being your punch bag when I don’t do things you want me to do. You don’t like not being in control so you are telling the kids lies

 

[survivorabuse]

I was devastated when I lost my wonderful dad in (year removed by Moderator).  I thought my heart would never be the same and it isn’t. I still miss him even though it will be (number removed by Moderator) years in (month removed by Moderator).

My heart goes out to you

[survivorabuse]

Thank you

My dad was the best. He never let me down and was always there for me.

He won’t be seeing the kids and as for calling him, no. I won’t answer the phone to him.

[survivorabuse]

It’s today that highlights to me comparing the two of them and what a loving father my dad was. I wished there was a way to get to him and tell him just how much I love him and wished he was still here.

Sorry maudlin today

I was fuming with him as he makes out just how much he loves the children but today tells me he’s trying to use them to get us back home.

[survivorabuse]

Thank you.

My youngest walks around saying dada. It’s heartbreaking but it’s what he’s like normally with me, but he has transferred it to the kids. At least we no longer live with him.

Would I be justified in keeping them away from him?

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