Twitcher

[Twitcher]

I haven’t been on the forum for a few weeks but read your post yesterday and had to come back and reply today, your words are so powerful lovely they took my breath away. I agree with iliketea that this should be shared with others, the words will resonate with all that are going/ have gone through this. You’re such a gifted, special, beautiful woman, he hasn’t taken that away. The sunshine and light are just round the corner for you my darling and once it shines on you it will never darken again. Sending you so much love xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Stuckinturmoil,

I’m in the same situation as you and Bambe and have never been through anything this painful and exhausting. I served divorce papers in (detail removed by Moderator) and he has tried to stall it any way he can, he won’t leave even though he has somewhere to go, we’ll be divorced in (detail removed by Moderator) and he’s even said he still won’t leave if the house isn’t sold, m living in limbo and constantly terrified. Like you he has never said he loves me or sorry that he scares me he just cares about himself and makeshimselfthe victim, I have the Jekyll and Hyde daily but mostly Jekyll these days. Why can’t he let me be free, I’ve been married for many, many years and abused throughout this time but there’s still a small bit of me inside that he hasn’t destroyed. I completely understand what you’re feeling but please don’t give up hope, you’ve been so strong and brave to get to this point lovely.it just seems never-ending but I’m sure we’ll dig into our reserve strength and get back into the sunshine. Sending you a big hug flower xxx

[Twitcher]

Hello Ewermoon,

It has been so brave of you to take the step to post on this forum, I haven’t been on here a long time but the supportive welcome and advice I have received has been worth it’s weight in gold. I’m so sorry to hear what you have gone through. After speaking to a counsellor I finally got the courage to tell my GP and she was great, she referred me to Refuge who let me know my options at the time, I didn’t want to report my husband to the police, I was still unsure it was abuse and downplayed it all. Have you spoken to Womens Aid or Refuge at all to see your options, maybe this might help. I’m sure the other ladies on here will come along with loads of advice and support too, you’re doing amazingly well lovely and you’re never alone, sending you a big hug xxx

[Twitcher]

All of it leaves us feeling so confused and lost and that we no longer know who we are,I think we try to block all the pain out. When I started talking to my counsellor I was so completely broken I couldn’t even cry, I asked her what I was like at the start of therapy and she said I was very sad and I’d given up 😔 fast forward 6 months and although it’s still destroying me heart and mind I’m divorcing and I would never of thought that this time last year. Give yourself time lovely, don’t be hard on yourself this is all so incredibly difficult.
My soon to be ex says it’s all my fault and he’s the victim, apparently he brings the nasty side out of me. Please keep posting, the ladies on this forum will help you every step of the way, big hugs to you xxx

[Twitcher]

Oh my lovely, my heart goes out to you, just wanted to send you a big, gentle hug and much love xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Lightbulbmoment,

I was referred by my GP for counselling with IAPT for depression last year, after a few weeks of talking to her she raised the subject about doing a safeguarding report for me, she also gently asked if I would like her to refer me for DA counselling, I didn’t even know my marriage was abusive but she did even though she didn’t specifically tell me that. I have been talking to a DA counsellor for a few months now and she has been a godsend, went through the cycle of abuse and power and control and she is staying with me until my divorce, she has given me so much strength. I would advise you that a specialist DA counsellor would be so beneficial to you. I have read some of your recent posts and think you’re incredibly strong already. Sending much love xxx

[Twitcher]

Hello my lovely, it sounds as though you have had a lot of trauma to try to deal with on your own and although i don’t know what you’ve been through i do know that you have shown amazing courageous strength already as you are so brave, as you say you are an abuse survivor. I too have health conditions and this can make you feel even more isolated, my GP has been incredibly supportive and I also speak to a DA Counsellor once a week and she has been a lifesaver, opening up to someone about your own personal experience with abuse can help you process all the traumatic things you’ve been through and they can help you think from a different perspective. I for one think you’re incredible, with all you’re going through, an inspiring, kind beautiful lady. Stay as strong as you have been and I’m sure the silver lining is just round the corner. Sending much love xxx

[Twitcher]

Thank you all so much for your really kind words ❤ I haven’t logged on for over a week as I’ve felt so sad, my husband keeps trying to get round me one day and the next day the verbal and psychological abuse is overwhelming, will this nightmare ever end 😢. My furbabys have got me through so much, they’ve been the wind beneath my wings. I knew I would get genuine kindness, support and understanding from all you beautiful ladies. You’re all blessed with amazing, inner strength and I feel so lucky to have been made so welcome here, sending genuine love to you all, ❤ xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Icandothis,

My husband also blames me for his gambling addiction as he says its our unhappy marriage that makes him do it, (detail removed by moderator) he said if I can’t accept it then it’s game over for us. When I was moaning about it one weekend he came behind me and (detail removed by moderator) to shut me up, that was the final straw, in (detail removed by moderator) I started divorce proceedings and he still says it’s all in my head and I’m paranoid. I really feel for you, it’s just another thing that they make think is all your fault which of course it isn’t. It’s incredibly scary and difficult living with their constant lies and abuse. Please try to remind yourself it’s them not you, you deserve so much more my darling. Sending you lots of understanding and support xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Ladies,

I have very close family still not believing my husband has been an abuser from the start of our marriage and even before that. they just think he’s ‘lost his way’ the last few years, since he got heavily into gambling. They say I loved him once and the marriage ending is a shame? He’s manipulated them to believe I’m everything to him. I totally agree with everything that’s been said by all of you, i come away from their home feeling like I’m to blame for it all. You don’t know who to open up to, some people make you feel just as worthless as the abuser. Again I’m so thankful for finding this forum as you beautiful ladies are the only ones that truly understand. Sending lots of hope and hugs to you all xxx

[Twitcher]

Both of you beautiful ladies have unimaginable strength, either to stay or to leave, we deserve a round of applause. Sending both of you hope and big hugs xxx

[Twitcher]

Ahh my lovely, it was heartbreaking to read your post. My husband completely broke me last year but with help I’ve finally started to fight back and divorcing him. What you’re feeling is completely normal, they make us believe that every thing they say and do to us is our fault, I was told by him I’m too sensitive and everybody is breakable. None of this is your fault, you’re still the beautiful, strong woman deep down. You deserve the world my darling, not this mind breaking abuse he’s putting you through, since I’ve learned more about abuse my feelings towards my husband are lessening week by week, it doesn’t get better lovely, trust your inner instincts, sending you a big hug xxx

[Twitcher]

Well done lovely for gathering the strength to take that final leap. Enjoy your newly found freedom and a life that will be filled with happiness and everything you deserve. xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Titanium,

Your post is an inspiration, a massive hug to you and I hope all your dreams come true ❤ xxx

[Twitcher]

I second what sweet4 says that your positive, knowing words give women like me more confidence to continue on their journey. I have support from a very special lady from this forum, she is someone I now know as a dear friend. We are stronger than we believe and smarter than we know and just need to remember it wasn’t our fault, take care of yourself minimeerkat I can tell you have amazing strength xxx

[Twitcher]

Hello hiya@,

Thank you so much for your kind words, I miss her everyday and she showed me how real love should feel, not this spiteful hatred i have shouted at me. It’s so hard putting yourself first after all this time when you’ve been made to feel worthless, I did order a (detail removed by Moderator) though from (detail removed by Moderator), symbolising DV and it made me feel slightly empowered. I come on this forum for support from kind, beautiful ladies like you and don’t think I’ve never not had a reply, that is something very special. Sending you much love xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi HFH,

Thanks so much for your reply, i have never been through anything this bad in all my life and he’s been abusive our whole marriage. It’s relentless and I can’t even go in a different room, he shouts through walls. I imagine like your ex he is telling his solicitor lots of lies and says prove I’m lying, anything to try and make it more difficult. I wish I could erase the things he says straight away from my mind but sadly it doesn’t work like that. When I joined the forum your posts made me feel so proud, your immense inner strength I respect so much. You’re a pretty incredible woman and will try to take a fraction of your strength and hope for peace soon. Much love to you lovely xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Camel

Thanks for your advice, it seems that he’s not going to make this easy on me, still living under the same roof is incredibly hard. I will see what my solicitor advises. Take care lovely xxx

[Twitcher]

You have such a beautiful soul, you deserve to be given the world and more. I too am constantly living in a heightened state of anxiety.I may be getting divorced but what if it was me all along, this bitter and twisted, evil old b…h that he calls me. I’m scared of my past and scared for the future. You are starting to take so many huge steps even if they may seem small and go backwards at times, any step takes a amazing amount of courage and strength, please don’t underestimate yourself lovely. Sending you much love xxx

[Twitcher]

I hope you find a counsellor that will help you to understand that it is abuse you have experienced LightbulbMoment even though its terribly hard to hear. Like Lifebegins said I too have been living with so many different forms of abuse for many years. I hope in the future and with support, time will heal our broken hearts and minds. ♥️ Be kind to yourselves ladies xxx

[Twitcher]

Thank you beautiful for your understanding, having not been fortunate to have children of my own I have given all my love to pets and it is incredibly hard to lose one. My counsellor says not to fall for his emotional abuse so maybe he is still trying to manipulate me? As always I’ve come to this forum for support and you’ve come to help, Sending big hugs and lots of love to you too lovely xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,

I don’t think I’ll be able to start healing until I’ve got through this divorce and no longer sharing the home. I’m still getting abuse but with the counsellor to talk to she makes me see it in a different light.

I’m so happy that it’s all finally falling into place for you, this is the start of what’s going to be an incredibly happy, well deserved life for you. You are an inspiration xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi BlueBeauty,

You have shown amazing strength to leave this relationship, its terribly frightening when you have no support from friends or family. Like you I have been isolated from them for years, a lot from my husband telling everyone I wasn’t a mixer and him keeping me in his abusive bubble for many years. I have had incredible support from a DA counsellor and finally opened up to my mum about the abuse which was really hard as I was ashamed. Have you got a DA support service where you live, my GP put me in touch with Refuge. The more people you open up to you’ll be surprised who is there to help. You’re not alone lovely, keep posting on this forum any time you want, these ladies have helped me more than I can say. Stay safe , stand your ground and continue to show your amazing strength. Sending you a big hug xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,

I feel so much happiness reading about your calmness and positivity. I like you feel as though I’ll never be the same mentally as he led me to rock bottom. You show me so much hope that we can be the real us again, the kind, lovely, thoughtful women they destroyed. You mention crying and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband cry, he says he (detail removed by moderator) but maybe it’s just what abusers do. It amazes me every new trait i hear they use. You and your children deserve someone giving you the world, unconditionally and not fear. You will get to find your happiness, new horizons and better days lovely xxx and a big hug to you

[Twitcher]

Thank you Hazydays, you have no idea what your message means to me, when you’re told you’re a waste of space constantly you believe what they say. It’s like a breath of fresh air to have a nice comment. Much love to you my lovely xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Backandforth,

I’m so pleased you have a supportive family, lean on them all you have to as I know how hard it is to explain what we’ve been through. You are not foolish in any way, on this forum a lot of women ask is it abuse, myself included. If you look into abusive behaviour a bit more then I hope it will make more sense. You are so brave to be determined to see it through as it can be such a daunting, scary prospect to think about your future but I know for your children and yourself you’ll be in peace and ready to enjoy a life filled with happiness and laughter. Sending you hope and lots of support lovely xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,
It’s great to hear that you’re finally getting somewhere to help process and understand all of this that’s happened to you, it could never of been avoided even if you were the perfect partner, wife etc. I still blame myself for all that I’ve let happen to me all these years and only began to understand last year that it was abuse. It all makes sense now and I think like Hazydays would benefit from Trauma therapy. I hope you continue to go from strength to strength and find peace from this horrendous anxiety we’re left with from the ruins. Sending you a hug xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Hazydays,

Thanks for returning the supportive hug, I’ve had a pretty stressful, upsetting week to be honest. Do you find that when you’re seeing just a ray of light in the darkness then something else equally upsetting comes along, I hope the bad luck doesn’t come in threes like they say. I’ve read your posts to Footballfan1 and can make out that you have had more than your fair share of trauma and even though you may not feel strong sometimes i can also see from your posts that you are a supportive, super strong, generous, lovely lady. Sending you a lots of support, courage and hope xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,
Was so pleased to read you’re speaking to a therapist, I don’t think I would be going through a divorce without the support and help from lovely lady I speak to, she has been invaluable and has even said she’s going nowhere until I’m divorced. To have someone positive to talk to is empowering as abusers strip all of our self worth and esteem as you know. I hope your theapist helps you realise you are so very special and neither you or anyone on here deserved this life xxx

[Twitcher]

Hi hazydays
I don’t feel strong either even though I’m finally divorcing my husband, he said to me last night that I’d finally grown a pair. I’m so pleased he can’t see in my head and find the petrified, anxious shell he’s made me. I too am of a certain age and hope I find the strength to start again. Sending you a supportive hug xxx

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