Forum Replies Created
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AuthorPosts
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17th April 2024 at 9:56 pm #167945
Ariel
ParticipantThankyou xxxxx
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16th April 2024 at 10:38 am #167909
Ariel
ParticipantI feel you. How he talks you round and then you are left feeling like you’ve over reacted to whatever it is and you’re the toxic one for reacting this way.
I’m in a similar position. -
28th March 2024 at 2:00 am #167312
Ariel
ParticipantThankyou xx
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3rd February 2024 at 9:55 pm #165840
Ariel
ParticipantPs my son is a young adult not a child.
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27th December 2023 at 5:01 pm #164498
Ariel
ParticipantI can understand you giving in, you are doing what it takes to survive which makes you so stronge of a woman.
There is always a way but it might mean a long long road of planning.
I planned with my woman’s aid worker of nearly 3 years. I did take baby steps as I was so scared but you can do it and will find a way.
Do you have a worker? -
19th December 2023 at 9:57 pm #164222
Ariel
ParticipantI hope you’re ok, there is always a way. Honestly there is a way. It may mean lord of steps and jumping over things.
Take each step at a time.
Very small ones.
It took me 2 years of tiny steps. And I’m years out now. So that time spent was worth it. -
18th December 2023 at 7:18 am #164155
Ariel
ParticipantLovely news, just keep strong and be prepared for him to try and worm his way back in.
Stick to your guns and keep him out!
Goodluck
I totally understand the washing thing but mine was moving stuff around the house like ooh I think I’ll move the kettle to this side of the kitchen! Or I can pop to Tesco without any bother.
Goodluck -
17th December 2023 at 3:42 am #164114
Ariel
ParticipantDo you have any family or friends who know about what’s going on?
Maybe speak to someone close to you. Or call Womens aid and ask for some advice too. -
5th November 2023 at 10:25 pm #162948
Ariel
ParticipantI think you are very brave.
It sounds like you didn’t have much choice and his parents are happy to watch their son do that to you. They should be ashamed.
I think you need to call womens aid, look up your local number and call them for advice.
I understand what you are saying about they all will give the baby a good life. But he is a violent man and how long will it be before he gets cross with baby when he/she gets a bit older and answers back.
My advice is to call womens aid and talk everything through with them. They will not judge and will not push you to do anything.
I also left with my children behind they were older and 2 of them are with me now and he has one.
So I kind of know, but all out situations are different. -
5th November 2023 at 6:35 pm #162933
Ariel
ParticipantI think you are right. If you know your partner well ypu will notice the difference in his texts.
But he’s not going to admit it. -
3rd November 2023 at 9:26 pm #162874
Ariel
ParticipantYes! Well there has been accusations of money going missing from (detail removed by Moderator). He says he would never and how can I think that of him.
But process of elimination leads his way.
I keep breaking up with him because of the staying out and then I get weak and beg for him to come back and we can work it out.
I’m so tired of it but I can’t find the strength because I love him and want him to be who he was.
Apparently he was a good worker and treated his partner before. His friends and family have told me all this.
They think I’m too soft for him so he’s got lazy and not bothering. -
24th July 2023 at 10:00 pm #160170
Ariel
ParticipantThankyou, I totally agree with the triggering. Even though the moods are different to my ex the change in them I think must be triggering my anxiety and preparing me for what I used to think was about to come.
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23rd July 2023 at 8:56 pm #160147
Ariel
ParticipantI would tell your friends to not show you things he puts on (detail removed by Moderator). You know he does that now so you can’t trust what he says when he’s being nice. He’s only being nice as he wants something.
You are not the bad person for not wanting to give him another chance. Your children are already damaged you said. Try to just stay focused on understanding that he is a horrible person not you. -
23rd July 2023 at 6:27 pm #160145
Ariel
ParticipantDoing something little that you never would have been allowed/able to do.
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28th April 2023 at 4:34 pm #158042
Ariel
ParticipantThankyou so much for your reply. Yes i think you’re right he should be showing support. I’m trying to find the balance to discipline them at the young adult age. Plus my ex their Dad was obviously over the top with the discipline so I was always the soft one trying to undo any damage he was causing and I’m finding it hard to know how to go about it.
Thankyou again -
28th April 2023 at 8:03 am #158021
Ariel
ParticipantI would call womens aid and explain the situation. When it’s safe to do so.
I just read your other post. Hope you are ok.
Get advice from womens aid. Furniture and stuff is not a priority you can get that as you go bit by bit. Plus WA may have advice of super cheap places or places that donate. There is always a way you just need to plan and be careful and get a WA worker. I worked with mine for 2 years before I was ready to go. But I took such baby steps. -
28th March 2023 at 10:26 pm #156964
Ariel
ParticipantHi
Well done to starting build your own life. It’s a long recovery process.
I am out for a few years now and still feel I am recovering. The reason I came on the forum today was because I was sat in the bath crying my eyes out. I seem to be sabotaging my new relationship.
I totally understand that you have days when you are lost as I do too. But the days get less often as you start to re build. I do find myself having phases of being in turmoil and I don’t know how to stop the build up of emotions but then one day I notice I’m a lot happier and calmer. It seems to go around like that. -
6th February 2023 at 10:36 am #155239
Ariel
ParticipantContinued…we did have trust problems I’m this relationship but it is getting better. I love him so much but I feel I am too emotionally attached to him. I don’t want to leave him but I want to unattach too. I don’t know what to do for the best.
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16th November 2022 at 8:54 am #151833
Ariel
ParticipantThankyou so much, it’s literally one thing after another lately.
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15th November 2022 at 10:42 pm #151828
Ariel
ParticipantIf anything he should be mortified that he has made you feel like that. Any normal respecting man would feel terrible and be really sorry and wouldn’t do it again.
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15th November 2022 at 10:39 pm #151827
Ariel
ParticipantYeah he should not want to make you feel uncomfortable he’s putting his own selfish wants in front of your wishes and fears. Knowing what you’ve been through he should be being extra careful and making sure your ok throughout not just carrying on. He will know your uncomfortable if your frozen in fear. You need someone to love and respect you in that way instead, someone understanding.
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15th November 2022 at 9:37 pm #151817
Ariel
ParticipantI don’t know how to confront him about it. Shall I just say look what I found where you were laying all day or do I put it back and see if he picks it up and says nothing. Or just ask him outright…. Is this yours?
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15th November 2022 at 9:35 pm #151815
Ariel
ParticipantThat’s the thing sometimes he runs out of money and I have to help him. (Detail removed by Moderator). He’s recently started giving me some in bits and bobs. He says that child maintenance have cleared him or a certain insurance was high for whatever reason.
So there is always signs but he swore once when I asked him outright. Plus (detail removed by Moderator) I asked him if he took any sort of drugs and he said no way. I believed him.. then it turned out he did it on a night out but apparently it was a one off. -
15th November 2022 at 9:30 pm #151814
Ariel
ParticipantFirst thing I want to say is that nothing is ok if you don’t like it.
Some people do that to instigate sex in the middle of the night but their intention is to wake their partner to do so (if they want it obviously). But if you said to him I don’t like you doing that while im asleep he should absolutely respect that. -
9th November 2022 at 2:26 pm #151622
Ariel
ParticipantI’m sure it goes down as you were forced to leave because your fleeing domestic violence.
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9th November 2022 at 2:23 pm #151621
Ariel
ParticipantWell done! Probably saved yourself a lot of heart ache, stress, uncertainty and who knows what else!
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5th November 2022 at 4:53 pm #151492
Ariel
ParticipantWow, well done. I wonder if he was taking some sort of drugs that made him so paranoid. He must be mentally ill to suddenly change.
You done the right thing you can’t live a happy content life like that. -
1st November 2022 at 11:11 pm #151362
Ariel
ParticipantWhen I’m away from him he’s all I can think about. We live together but it’s like I’ve somehow got to the stage where I’m co dependent on him. I tried for so long to not get like that as that’s how it got with my ex all them years ago at the beginning.
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1st November 2022 at 11:08 pm #151361
Ariel
ParticipantSome things happened on both our sides right at the beginning. But we worked through it. We agreed we would only have friends and family on our social media. So when I see her on it I questioned it in a way like I was annoyed just wondering why she’s on there. But it ended up with my apologising for saying he’s lieing that he didn’t know how she got on his friends list. Although I didn’t actually say he was lieing, I said I don’t understand how you don’t know how she’s on there!
But I just wish I didn’t care who he has on there. He ended up shouted at me for calling him a liar. I really don’t get it. -
1st November 2022 at 10:45 pm #151359
Ariel
ParticipantI think I know what group you are talking about. As my abusive ex was also apart of that group. Before he was abusive he used to talk about it and how some judges are part of those groups.
I really don’t know if it would help them get away with real bad crimes.
But with support from womens aid and a knowledgeable womens aid worker I do believe they could get you free. There will always be a reason to stay and not try and push to leave but there is nothing better than that freedom. There is always a way I truly believe that.
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