Dreamingoffreedom

[Dreamingoffreedom]

There has always been an excuse for me not to leave, getting my son into the right school, sharing a car, separating my son and dog – there never is a right time. I look back though at a pretty horrendous time when my son was a toddler and have do much regret not to have left then. I feel like I’ve wasted so many happy memories being stressed or sad and if I could turn back time I would. Now my son is older I feel like he will be so much more affected by a break up (another excuse maybe?). Do it earlier than me if you are in a position to. I’d hate anyone to feel like I do in terms of regret and such bitter sadness. Easy to say but I know how hard it is. Xxxx

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I just want to let you know that I feel your pain and that I am in exactly the same position. I thought I was going to leave last week then woke in the night and knew I wouldn’t. Silly excuses on my part.

I have also just started therapy (around 8 weeks) and I have to say it’s helping me alot. She is helping me to recognise behaviours that I used to think were nothing but now see it as control. The big things I got, but the little things not so. The fact I’m now telling someone EVERYTHING I feel has to be a step forward. The more I talk, the more I realise how abusive the relationship is. Its not the magic wand I’d hoped for but I feel its nudging me in the right direction helping me to recognise my feelings, his actions and what’s stopping me. Everyone says baby steps and it’s hard when you feel like we do, we crave that lightbulb moment but its right, it takes time. I’m not religious but I’ve found myself praying to my mum who passed away recently, begging her to help me. I’m starting to realise that we have yo do it for ourselves. No amount of praying is going to get him hit by that imaginary bus!!!! Eek! Hopefully those baby steps will get us to the place we want. So many inspiring women on here have fine it and one day we will do it too! 💪

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Oh my god, please take time to be so proud of yourself. That is such a long time to be with someone and have the courage to walk away. I’m a similar age but with a younger child and I’m finding everg excuse to stay, even though I know its not right.
There will be people on here much more equipped to guide you on where to go / what to do once leaving but even just a walk every day same route past same places might be a start. Seeing the same faces?

Like I said, might not be much use but sending hugs. Xx

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Probably because your head is absolutely fucked with everything that he is putting you through! It wouldn’t be the first time he has gaslighted or confused you. It’s expected not to know whether to trust yourself or not.

Stay strong, write down what you need to and keep posting. Sorry I’m not much help, just know we are there for ou

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I totally get this. I feel like I’m failing my son by being here. I know its not that easy, that emotional abuse doesn’t make it easy to just leave but it’s so awful feeling like your kids are suffering. Station strong, we’ll get there one day 💪.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

When I wonder if I’m being gaslit or if my relationship is abusive, I remind myself it’s not normal to feel like you need record conversations or write things down so it can’t be forgotten / twisted. That tells me everything I need to know.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Im at a stage where if I’m here in 6 months, that’s too many wasted months. However I still doubt I’ll do it. Convinced myself yesterday I was going to do it, despite the logistics. Then woke in the night, my brain going round in circles. And now I know I wont do it today. I’m so disappointed with myself. What I’m determined to fo this time though is not mention I want to leave until I know I will do it. Its so comforting to hear other people have got out. I want to make giant steps but going with baby steps for now!!!!

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Thank you. It’s so comforting to know other people understand and that many have managed to get out. I feel like I’m further on in my journey to leave than I was a few months ago but still fear I’ll never do it!

[Dreamingoffreedom]

So sorry you are having such an awful time. My husband is not physical, but everything else you have spoken about, I can completely relate to. My husband constantly brings up friendships I had before we were together and things I stupidly told him about drunken nights out or ex boyfriends. He also will not let it lie. I have also never cheated (though he thinks I have which us another constant battle) yet he suspects me all of the time. One of the things that upsets me is that he doesn’t know me or my morals.

Reaching out on here is the first step to getting help, and I’m sure lots of others will have good advice. I’m still stuck in my situation so don’t feel very qualified to advise. However, I am concerned for the physical safety of you and your child so consider your options in terms of getting out, even if it means a womens refuge. Sending hugs….

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Firstly, you should be so proud that you left. From someone that hasn’t (yet), give your self credit for that. You have clearly made the right decision by the fact that you have no regrets. It is expected to feel sadness, for what it had become, for what it never was and like you say, those feelings of being alone. Try to think about all of those things that you can enjoy, without fear or judgement, and do them! Make plans if there are people around you, but also, give yourself time to process how you feel and grieve if necessary.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I have that too, and books. Our newest thing us me getting up too early! He says (detail removed by moderator). How dare he try to control what time I get up! This morning I got up. I like to potter about, get ready, have a cuppa before work. I won’t let him control that, but he certainly spoilt it as I spend all morning thinking is he coming down? Will he be in a huff? Thinking of excuses for getting up when I do! It seems like a small thing but to me its massive.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

I hope so! It makes me feel better to know that one day you had the clarity. I’m hoping that by talking I might free up some room in my head to have the ability to make that decision.

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Well done! I don’t post a lot but always read and so pleased to see the positivity and progress in terms of standing up for yourself! So glad you have got somebody supportive at work too. I often feel there is no hope but my counsellor says how much progress she sees in the 4 weeks that maybe there is. Your post gives me hope too! Bask in the glory of your achievement. Small steps to others are humongous to us!

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Well done for starting to talk. I’m relatively new and know how hard it felt to post for the first time. I know what it feels like when someone twists your words or makes you doubt yourself. I’ve known it was emotional abuse for a long time but now things are really starting to fit together in terms of what is happening – mostly down to what I see and hear, as well as validation I am getting from a counsellor I’ve just started seeing. Keep posting and reading, it is opening up my mind and giving me reassurance that it isn’t just in my mind…

[Dreamingoffreedom]

Yes!!!! I do 99% of the cleaning and cooking but now and then it isn’t up to his standards and he stomps about, crashing around tidying, saying things like “this place is a shithole”. Then I am on edge as I know his rage is going up and up. Says I live like a “(detail removed by moderator).” I think that’s why I am now such a clean freak. It is not by nature but I feel I can’t settle or lie in if I feel there is something to do in the house.

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