Goggleeyes

[Goggleeyes]

Hi Ladies,

I’m LOVING your notes of encouragement for us all. I’ve had a great chuckle at a couple of these and lots of smiles. Ty so much! Xx

To anyone here add funny ones, serious ones, anything that resonates with you and offers hope for someone else. Through little ripples we touch each other’s lives 🥰

“Until you change your thinking, you will always recycle your experiences.”

“It’s better to walk away, than to tolerate nonsense.”

“The trick is as long you know who you are and what makes you happy, it doesn’t matter how others see you.”

[Goggleeyes]

Hi Imsosad,

I remember going through burnout, more than once. I found for me being in nature really helped. Sitting in the balcony, walking in a park, or along a waterway. Even if you can travel for a few days not for a holiday but self care and rebuild your strength. Fresh air frequently, even in all weathers. It helped me. I hope you find what works for you.

[Goggleeyes]

Hi Stella Maria,

I know it can be very confusing when your in brains in a foggy state. I can only suggest what I did, perhaps giving you a different perspective.

Initially, I went to each individual outlet that I thought could help ie (detail removed by moderator), Police, Citizens Advice, Social, Housing department, local council. It was exhausting for my already stressed brain to try and comprehend let alone go through systems that were a minefield. I too went through MARACs, Women’s Aid, Refuge and fled. Thinking ok great the hard parts over. Just to have the whole process repeat.

After that I actually contacted my local MP and reconnected to all the previous agencies listed above. BUT I copied them ALL in every email I sent. It was much easier for me to keep things straight this way, knowing everyone had the same information at once. Made it a little easier for me getting tangible help, as I connected everyone myself and made them aware of my situation. In a way making everyone accountable. Instead of wondering who was talking to who, if at all.
I’m happy to say I received very real help.

I know finding the strength can be difficult but keep going. You’ll get there, I did. You can too. Xx

 

[Goggleeyes]

Hi HunkyDory,

When I met my ex I was a self assured, confident woman who thought I was a bad ass business owner wearing my leather jacket, like I was the shit. Lol How naive I was.

Then over decades I was resolved to a gooey, foggy, liquified marshmallow mess- left to question my own sanity. Every bit of my identity was stripped away, to the point that I didn’t even exist anymore.

Since I fled I’m now discovering who I really am, what I like- because I like it not because I’m being a chameleon fitting in to someone else’s demands, influence or expectations of me.

Although I will be getting a leather jacket again, as I know for a fact that I’m a true bad-ass survivor. 💥😊

[Goggleeyes]

How I view my ex;

Then- a Roman or Greek Gladiator. Very fit. Piercing blue eyes. Charming. Also a bit of a white knight in shining armour, willingness to help complete strangers.

Now- a demon who uses glamour to hide his true guise of deception with soulless eyes void of any feeling. Mirroring blackness.I truly believe he his the chief guard to the daughter of Hades, who was given a reprieve from being her slave solely to cause mayhem on earth before being sent back to hell when it’s time. Maybe that’s why he has such a chip on his shoulder about strong women 😋

[Goggleeyes]

REMINDER LADIES:

One day you will
Look back on this
And you will be
Proud that you
Didn’t give up.
So keep going,
You got this.

#strength #your-life #hope #love

[Goggleeyes]

Oh my word yes. Food was controlled for me too. I was on this roller coaster. When we first met I was a small size, then I needed “fattening up”, then when my clothing sizes went to a 14 I was yo fat, hideous and ugly.
Then I’d work on my diet, exercise only to be sabotaged by him buying food that he knew I didn’t want to eat. When I got upset about it he’d say but your working so hard I got you a treat as a reward.
If I didn’t eat it, I’d get blamed, shouted at for shirking his kindness. If I did eat it I’d get blamed for not working hard enough to reduce my weight. It was vicious cycle of abuse and self loathing.
When I was close to leaving I was so distraught, lack of sleep etc I stopped 3 clothing sizes in a month. It was to quick but I was so stressed.
Now that I’ve left I’m a much happier, healthier version of myself 😊

[Goggleeyes]

I’m stunned, truly. One, that anyone even cares about my ramblings, surviving traumas, and focusing on my better path ahead. Second, your words of inspiration, encouragement and validation of how you see me. It literally means the world right now as I rewire my brain from negative thoughts after a lifetime of conditioning.

After many, many years I am just now learning that:
– Until I change my thinking, I will always recycle negative experiences.
Also
– Don’t allow someone to treat me poorly just because I love them.

Thank you to you beautiful group. Xx

[Goggleeyes]

Life is still full of ups and downs. I think he might know where I am, I don’t know how but I’m now receiving notices of debts at my new location in the last couple of weeks. Kinda freaking me out.
I’ve spoken to my solicitor not about the collection letters but just in general regarding him. No divorce as yet, my legal aid was denied and I can’t afford several thousand pounds to legally detach myself from him. When will this ever end.

[Goggleeyes]

The mods are better than myself *silly auto correct, sorry *

[Goggleeyes]

Hi freshwaterlily,

I’m not really sure what to say to you the kids are much better than myself. However, I wanted you to know I see you and offer encouragement to keep going towards your freedom. Your thinking will clear the longer your away. Xx

[Goggleeyes]

Congratulations on your new life, SO proud of you!! Be gentle with yourself emotions are jumbled and raw but it will get better, lighter feeling and brighter. I’ve been there too Xx

[Goggleeyes]

Thanks for the Amazon wish list tip! I’ll be looking into it for sure, having been in this position myself I know how important it is and felt so grateful.

[Goggleeyes]

Thanks Kip, yes I have done exactely that and my counsel said to not communicate too. I answered initially so he couldn’t say in court I was being malicious or unreasonable. Now on advice from my legal council I’ve stopped communicating and so has he. Xx

[Goggleeyes]

Life is full of ups and downs. Yes my child and I have left and are safe. We lived in a WA refuge for several months, with no contact-bliss! Now months later as were starting our life over, I’m getting legal aid for divorce now he’s getting in contact again through my email. Most of its very on the surface nice but also loaded with sarcasm, jus anger and malice as he’s angry. He’s gone from not caring that we left to all of a sudden harassing me with emails. It’s exgausting reading his rants and accusations as he tries to paint me as some evil low life who has done him wrong. By that’s him, it’s alwats about him. My legal council has of course seen his communication, so they are under no illusion. Thank goodness. Just want him to leave me alone.

[Goggleeyes]

I remember when I arrived at refuge with an older child; what we found most comforting our first night was good branded tea ie PG Tips and biscuits selection. It had been a shellshocked kind of day and that was a blessing. Like a comforting hug.

Further enjoyment was had with card games, they’re small and compact. My older child liked comfort snacks ie Pringles, hot chocolate & mini marshmallows, popcorn, etc. Other items enjoyed were local magazines, activity books like word searches, even sticker books & Lego mini figures in blind bags.

Silly little things that made all the difference & brightened the mood.

[Goggleeyes]

TS,
Love the name by the way. Turquoise is such a beautiful healing colour. The simplest thing you can do is block his number in your phone. Give yourself the space you need mentally to cope through this time. Without having to see or hear his barrage blowing up your phone. Also, you can make a police report for harassment. Explain to police your circumstances, you’ve politely asked several times for your ex to leave you alone and he’s still contacting you. Show the police the abusive text messages. Make an official report, and listen to the police about your options. You could possibly press charges against him for harassment too. You need to protect yourself.

[Goggleeyes]

“If you don’t like it….” This was my partners mantra our whole time together. It’s cohersive, it’s controlling, it’s demoralising to you. I too was always called a the most derogatory names in his anger.
To the point that I actually believed it. Having no self confidence or worth left. A once fiesty, fun loving person became an unrecognisable shell of herself.
Please just leave. If you have the strength to stay enduring his behaviour; then lovely you have the strength to walk away and never look back. You need to value you. You can do it, do it. Xx

[Goggleeyes]

Poets Corner,
Get out. Take your children and go, now. I’ve been here. My child lived in abuse for years. The overshadow and weight of abuse in the household is not healthy for them. My child and I didnt even comprehend that our household was abusive until we after we left and got help. I’m gutted that as a living mum who lives for her child was also the person who didn’t recognise the unhealthy situation my child has lived in.
Do not make excuses for that man, he is hurting you all. Don’t fall for the guilt trips, any honeymoon periods of happiness will only be brief followed by more harm. It’s hard, you doubt yourself- I get it. But leave- even if your not doing it for you. Do it for your kids. After your gone you will see everything as a direct and indirect wholeness. Your children need you to be string for them. Get them out. You can heal and rebuild together. As my child and I did; were stronger, happier and healthier for it.

[Goggleeyes]

Thank you everyone. I can’t believe how I look and feel now that I’ve gotten away. I feel lighter. I’m not carefree as I’m still guarded and probably always will be now.But I feel like I can actually breathe again. I’m not drowning in emotion. Now I just want everyone to get out and experience the true freedom of life that’s meant to be for all of us.

IWMB, in answer to your question yes I’m a firm believer of karma. Your timing to leave will be right for you but please don’t continue to take to long, it’s not worth your life lovely. Get physical, local support, make an action plan and exit carefully. All the very best x

[Goggleeyes]

Oh darling blue, first off huge hugs to you. Xx Never, for one more second think it’s you. I’ve lived this exact scenario for over a decade before realising. I am indeed an utterly educated, strong, feisty woman who dissintegrated into a marshmallow goo brain without even realising it.
The phrase and thoughts you explained on both sides was exactely me. Trust me, his behaviour will get worse. You will not change him-ever. He is what’s known as being glamorous, meaning he will only allow people to see what he wants them to see. Outside your relationship I’m sure he will advocate for others in a helping, kind way. Seemingly sincere, charming and an utter joy to others. While indoors, you know the harsh, cold reality. Why does he do this? It’s so you’ll have no one who will believe you, if you were to ever confide in someone you may even briefly pass in your life. To anyone not in your relationship it would be deemed utterly unthinkable for your partner to behave in any Manor other than golden. People would further commend him on his behalf without even realising, making you doubt yourself and your thoughts. If he does know what he’s doing, he doesn’t care. If he can’t recognise what he’s doing is harmful, he doesn’t care. Ultimately the only thing he cares about is him. All the time. I know it’s so confusing but get out. Once you remove yourself and have support you will quickly see everything for what it was. It might take a few months to feel normal again, you need the time to become deprogrammed by his methods. Follow any lead that may seem vague to you currently but percivere and get out. You will feel better for it. Ultimetly, it’s down to you to look after yourself and offer yourself the self care and respect you need. You can do this. All the very best.

[Goggleeyes]

Hello,

It’s been a very long time, partly because I completely forgot my details of website got here. I’ve just looked at my past postings and have seen everyone’s recent postings and my heart breaks at the circumstances of strong women like us. We own a badge of courage that is heart-wrenching. Please know everyone here IS strong and completely worthwhile, don’t ever doubt it.

A lot has happened for me, mostly I was able to leave with my child! We are safe, rebuilding our lives and I’m pursuing a divorce along with several injunctions.
We’ve been able to receive support, have time to heal, grow stronger in our bond together and in each of ourselves.

Life is a tight financial struggle in our new world and we’ve had to adjust but it’s been completely worth it. We’ve become more self confident and empowered, happy. I’m a completely different person now, no more marshmallow brain and I finally feel like I’m no longer on the outside trying to look desperately in on life through dirty, foggy glass.

To all of those here, take whatever help you can, even if you think it’s useless. I hope your time will come to your freedom and happiness. You CAN DO this! Sending out the biggest of hugs Xx

Most of all I greatly thank all the Mods and people here who helped this very frustrated woman, when I was emotional and at my lowest. Your grace is so very appreciated. You are Angels of crisis. Just, thank you. X

[Goggleeyes]

I’ve cancelled my studies & asked for a refund due to extenuating circumstances. Not even half was returned to me. I’m gutted. It was literally every pence I had. I feel sick.
I’ve now lost two jobs because of this. As I’m not spending this on anything except my airfare. I just want to cry. I’m so angry at him, for this hell.

[Goggleeyes]

I’ve been trying to get a hold of local police for nearly a week to register a rather volatile verbal incident last weekend. To no avail.

I spoke to Womens aid, who was pretty fired up about how I’ve been passed around with no help from anyone.

I’ve spoken to another law firm who has told me to self asses for DV in .giv website. Then if I qualify to bring that in as proof to have a meeting regarding help & possible legal aid.

My min wage job is in the line as now he won’t allow me petrol or food money (detail removed by moderator). I was just paid but that had to
Pay for my retraining (detail removed by monderator). Which now I have no idea if I can even do.

I will contact my tutor to see if anything can be done.

My credits horrible but I’m goung to try and get a loan which I know I can’t payback. So I can have petrol money. Without my job I cant escape this hell or him.

[Goggleeyes]

I was told from a local solicitor, on the advice of legal rights for women, that I can not qualify for legal aid, this was before I got my minimum wage job that I’m currently at. Despite not having a paying job previously.

[Goggleeyes]

I was told from council that I can not claim homelessness, as I am not homeless my name is in a rental lease, even though my husband pays it. I didn’t want to be in the lease, I because I knew I can’t pay the rent if he stops paying but I was forced to do it. I was told by council that despite living in abuse with my child I’m in a 3 yr min wait for housing assistance.
I have a police report from last year & a letter from my Dr stating turmoil marriage being a factor of stress.

[Goggleeyes]

I was told that I can’t go to a refuge because my child’s in teen yrs. I was told that I need to privately rent, which I do not have the credit or resources to do. So I have been stuck
Living in the same unfinished house with my husband.
I was told I can’t get legal aid for a divorce. Despite only having a minimum wage job. I need my current area for my child’s school and my job.

[Goggleeyes]

Thank you, I will call again.

[Goggleeyes]

I will contact Rights for Women, again. I’m trying to scrape together enough money for my retraining and move overseas in a few months time.

[Goggleeyes]

I will call Womens Aid, again. Yes I made a report to the police around (Detail removed by moderator) time, for the first time.
I’m about to call police (101 is it?) again to report an escalated verbal incident that happened (Detail removed by moderator) days ago- so it can be on record.

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