Hopefulwishes

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi

I’d like to know this too. I have however reported to the police and they wanted to arrest but I did a statement to say not to as I’m planning to leave. However they did say to me that they help with removals and do put another hat on and become removal people. You can ring 101 and enquire. They will make sure you are safe. This is an absolute last resort for me to do but I actually don’t know what to do anymore so I’m considering it.
I too have had a really bad few days. I hope your ok and you can get out safely. It’s sounds like your getting out situation is very similar to mine. We have to do it. We have to get away.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi
Please don’t go back if it isn’t going to be safe for you. I was on housing list and high priority and it didn’t take long at all. Is there a friend or some family you could maybe stay with?
I’m sorry I can’t be much help but just know you will get through this. Your are strong and brave. Big hugs from me.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi
I’ve been experiencing the same thing. Sex is the last thing I want with a man who speaks to me like he does. He also goes in a mood and I think shall I just do it so he’s not as horrible. But surly that is also abuse. We are doing something that we don’t really want to just to please someone who doesn’t deserve to be pleased. Stay strong. We are all here for you x

[Hopefulwishes]

That’s what I’m thinking do I stay off because I’m probably going to have meetings etc to do with it all and also mentally do I need to heal. I know I’m better being busy though. Guess I’ll take the week off and see how I feel.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I’m speaking to my support worker tomorrow she is really worried and is concerned that I see this as a set back. It’s just that I’m really scared. He has given me no choice other than to involve the police which i really didn’t want to happen. But he won’t let me go and the threats he made last night terrified me so much that I had a panic attack and was sick. I’ve never felt so ill in my life.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so much. I’m going to ring my gp him and his mum now are trying to say I’m depressed and it stems back from me having a traumatic birth (detail removed by Moderator). No I was absolutely fine afterwards I’m depressed and worn down because of him and the mental torture I’m having to endure.
I have got a log with the police but I didn’t want to press charges before I need to speak to them again after this incident. He’s said to me not to tell him mum what he did (detail removed by Moderator) because she has (detail removed by Moderator) and has messaged her (detail removed by Moderator) to say that I’ve admitted everything was my fault and I’m embarrassed! I haven’t said that. I think it’s more that she will go mad with him and actually see what he’s truly like.
I haven’t spoke to a solicitor I’m not sure what to do legally. If I up and leave and don’t let him know where our little girl is etc.

[Hopefulwishes]

I don’t know how to get out of this I’m in such a state. It’s making me so ill. He’s scared me so much about the suicide and about taking me to court. So much more was said (detail removed by Moderator). He will not allow me to take my daughter anywhere. I’m worried if I just leave he will find me or cause me so much pain and trouble. I just can’t see a way out. I feel like this has really knocked me back. I don’t want to involve the police but I feel like I don’t have much choice. Why won’t he let me go! It would be ok if it was on his terms.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you KIP I knew I could rely on you for some good advice. I’m having such a battle with myself. Do I just leave whilst he is still asleep in the morning. I feel sick with worry.

[Hopefulwishes]

Yea it would probably make things worse. The last time I tried to sleep in my older daughters bed as she was away at her dads and he sent me (detail removed by moderator) messages tried to ring me (detail removed by moderator) to get me to go into him. I did because our daughter was in with me asleep.

I went to bed last night and he didn’t bother me. Now he’s expecting us to have (detail removed by moderator) and wants to be intimate. Is he for real. He’s acting like nothing has even happened. Then wonders why I’m off. He keeps saying to me are you in a mood. My support worker is ringing me tomorrow so hopefully she can just help me collect my thoughts and feelings. I would really like to leave this weekend whilst me older 2 children are at their dads.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so much for your message. Things have been bad these (detail removed by moderator) but all of a sudden he wants us to get (detail removed by moderator) and do sexual acts as if nothing has even happened. I can’t bring myself to speak to him let alone have sexual contact with him but then he will use that against me. Everything is my fault. He can’t understand why I don’t want to.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I have a DA support worker. I’ll ring her tomorrow. I got out of the bath and he hasn’t spoken to me. He’s gone up to bed without saying anything which is very unusual and out of character. I’m just worried that when I go to bed now he won’t let me sleep he’s done that before.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you for your message. I have a DA worker and I also rang social services to make them aware of what’s going on and that I’m trying to leave. I get so frustrated with myself because I just don’t seem to be able to leave. I’m terrified of the aftermath. It doesn’t sit well with me just going and not saying anything to him because he doesn’t think he’s actually doing anything wrong! I know I don’t owe him anything. I couldn’t wait to go back to work this week but then when it comes to home time I start to feel anxious and I don’t like feeling like that.

[Hopefulwishes]

I’ve applied for universal credit but just for myself as I don’t currently pay for any childcare. If it comes to it and I change that is the process relatively fast for making changes to payments?

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi yes I have DA worker and I’ve spoke to the police. I didn’t want to get them involved if I can leave safely. She helped me to plan how I can leave but I still don’t seem to be able to do it! I just feel so guilty and deceitful just leaving and him not knowing anything until he either wakes up or comes home.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you for your advice. I was thinking of saying I’m having a clear out. To be honest my older children it would be their TVs so that would be as I left or at a later date if I could get back in and it’s all of our clothes. I’ve already got paperwork out or most of it. I’m struggling on how to say I’m leaving as he’s here all the time. I can’t deal with it after I’ve gone. It puts me in a tough situation really because he will kick off at me. I’d rather get out then arrange with his mum to come back when he isn’t here. I honestly can’t believe I’m in this position as I’m sure everyone else on here does. I’m finding it really hard.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi

It’s a tricky one with their parents isn’t it. They will nearly always have their sons back because they are their child but I think with his mum she knows what he is like to a certain extent and she fled an abusive relationship with his father so I would like to think she would understand and be supportive. She doesn’t know where the new house is and this is something I don’t know if to tell her. I don’t want him knowing where I am. I still want to maintain a good relationship with her for my daughter. Hope you are ok too I’m struggling more than normal recently. I am going to try and sneak some bits out of the house on a morning when I go to work.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I feel more positive today. I would honestly be happy on my own for a long time now I think just rebuilding myself and focusing on my children and their happiness.

[Hopefulwishes]

It really does. I’ve just tried to do nice things with my little girl. Now I’m chilling in the bath with a face mask on listening to music. Exactly what I need after today.

[Hopefulwishes]

It’s the threats he makes and I’m worried about how he will be about our daughter.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so so much. Your words really do help and are encouraging. It’s crazy that in the beginning this man was amazing the best relationship ever and made me feel alive and now the same man has made me feel worse than I’ve ever felt and has drained that life from me. It’s really sad.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you for you advice. It’s taking that initial step I don’t seem to be able to do. I’m excited about starting a fresh with my kids and in a new house and making it all nice and how I want it not how I’m told it has to be. I just need to take that leap but I don’t seem to be able to.

[Hopefulwishes]

Your words are always so helpful KIP thank you. Having a bad day today. I want to leave so badly but can’t seem to do it!

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so much. Reading your post has made me cry. I’m having a bad day today. I want to leave so badly and I have a house to go to but I just don’t seem to be able to make that jump. I’m terrified of what he’s going to do. He’s made so many threats about ruining my job, calling the police on me, saying me and my kids are bullying him! Said he will ruin my life and have my kids taken from me. Basically making whatever lies he can about me to destroy my life.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi Eggshell it’s ok you don’t need to apologise. I do have a support worker and she’s run me through how to get out safely. My problem is he never leaves the house and apart from me going to work I’m never not with him. I think it will either be walking out during him kicking off and I’ll just have to leave everything and hopefully get back in at some point to get it. Or I ride it out until he’s back at work which could be ages away. I just need to be brave and know this isn’t good enough for me or my kids and go. Which is easier said than done.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi Lisa
Thanks for messaging. I’m ok I haven’t had anymore nightmares since thank goodness. I’m just finding life really hard at the moment I want to so desperately leave but I’m also petrified! I’m scared of how he will react. I’m also in isolation at the moment so that’s making life harder as I obviously can’t leave the house due to a work colleague testing positive.

[Hopefulwishes]

Hi thank you. So I’m not going crazy and this all isn’t my fault like it’s made out to be. How did you manage to leave. Being in lockdown is making it so hard as I don’t get a minute when he isn’t home. I really can’t put myself through this much longer. Did you have any problems when you left? I feel like he is going to cause so much hell for me.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. Your words really help. It’s so nice to be able to speak to people who know how I’m feeling and what I’m going through. I don’t know how I’m going to walk out of here when he’s always here. It will probably be a spur of the moment thing as he has a go at me so I’ll have to just walk out with nothing. I was kind of hoping I’d be able to arrange to come back at a later date and he could not be here or a family member could come to get my clothes and the kids belongings.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you. I hope you do too. Hope your ok x

[Hopefulwishes]

That’s a good idea I’ll bag some items up today and say I’m having a clear out. Thank you.

[Hopefulwishes]

Thank you so much that means a lot. I don’t need any of the larger items as I’m the same as you I’ve got things in the new house from charities etc. It’s more the kids things I want and (detail removed by moderator) because he will probably smash them or something. I’m dreading all the messages of abuse I’m probably going to get and the games he will try and play to make me miserable. He’s said to me I can’t win either way if I’m with him I’m unhappy and if I leave he will make my life hell. Maybe I’m been too nice to him and he does need a reality check with the police.

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