Munchkin04

[Munchkin04]

I feel your pain. It’s sad isn’t it. I too think of him when I go shopping. Even when he has been so vile and nasty. It’s almost like I’m thinking I’ll get him something he likes and it might make it all better. Mug! Shows what normal empathetic people we are. And yet he can shut me out of his life like he’s flicked a switch. And yes it’s so so upsetting knowing and seeing what they are like to the rest of the world. I am so lonely in this relationship and crave what he gives everybody else. Keep strong xx

[Munchkin04]

Please give me some advice. He’s said we must get along before the house is sold. He’s acting so calm and I’m a ticking time bomb inside filled with so much frustration and hurt. I tried to ask him about why he did what he did why he couldn’t have shown an interest in my feelings and he tells me I’m angry and he can’t talk to me when I’m angry and that I’ve pushed him all week that’s why he’s exploded at me. It’s all so untrue and unfair and now he’s told me he has no feelings for me he doesn’t like me and he’s switched off from me and he won’t be losing his temper because of my provocation. I just want answers. How do I deal with him being oh so smarmy and clever now he’s abused me all week and has switched off. I am now spending Xmas day on my own. I’m so so low and sad and want to disappear. Why ;(£@&:/ why.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. I just get so frustrated inside it’s a constant knot of not being able to make myself understood to him. Everything is twisted and denied. He denies saying things swears blind he didn’t. Do I make it up? No. He’s wanted to talk (detail removed by Moderator) and I’ve quietly asked him to respect the fact that I can’t at the moment. I’m too angry. Now he’s erupted saying I have rules I’m not well and delusional. He brings up my past so so often and tars me with it over and over. How can I live in the present when he constantly lives in the past and reminds me of my mistakes. He said it helps him understand what I was like in previous relationships. I see it as wanting to use it against me. Am I wrong? What’s done is done. He has a past I don’t bring up after he’s lied to me about things. I don’t mention it. I always feel like he’s trying to catch me out. I get so muddled talking to him he goes on and on and on then I can’t remember what he’s said or what I wanted to say. God it’s all such a head mess

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. It really helps. He’s currently not messaging me when I get to work as normal. We haven’t even argued really. Do I message him? Do I lower myself to his level? It’s horrid. He shouts goodbye from the door no kiss as usual. He’ll turn this around on me I know he will. X

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I know the pattern. Just this time it’s lasting longer than normal. He’s deliberately not changing the toilet roll when it’s empty not filling the water filter. Silly things I feel to get a reaction from me. He ended the conversation a week ago and I have told myself to not converse. He’s gone into batchelor mode and I’m staying away. Maybe that’s wrong. I don’t know anymore. X

[Munchkin04]

It’s so good to talk on here. Stops me going mad. So he started going on about my ex and I told him he has characteristics like him. With that he stopped the conversation told me he can’t talk to me and went to bed. He has been coming home from work and going straight to bed. All because he’s been slighted. Now I’ll be the bad one. What do I do now. Just keep quiet? Try to talk? I hate it

[Munchkin04]

Oh I’ve been where you are so many times. My life is filled with anxiousness. I shake when he’s like it waiting for him to start. Just stay in your lane. Maybe just take yourself to bed. Keep calm and try not to aggravate. Talking about something that interests them has helped me before. Please try and stay strong. It’s hell I know. Sending hugs x

[Munchkin04]

I am so sorry you are going through this. He decided to talk tonight. Yet again it was a lot of finger pointing. Not actually understanding my reasoning or showing any empathy. Then when I say some home truths he talks over me and ends the conversation saying it’s going to turn into a row. Aaaarrrrgggggh! Now he’s gone to bed. He hates me talking over him, shutting him down yet I’m having him do it to me over and over. I asked him he he had felt the need to apologise for saying he wants shot of me. He said no as he said it in anger. I asked him if at any stage did he not think that I might like to hear him say he didn’t mean it. No was his reply. It’s a losing battle. It’s all about him always.I listen to his incessant voice going on and on then get told he gets bored listening to me repeating myself. My god it’s all so toxic.Then he tells me that we can go to work and look at the pretty things. (detail removed by moderator) What! I hate his games. It’s a head f#$¥.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you all so much. Currently going through a bad phase. I don’t even want to be around him and am sleeping in the spare room in turmoil while he carries on like nothings happened. I tried to talk about how I was feeling how I felt he had been unfair and he Denys things he’s said takes no responsibility for how he has been won’t ever see what he does. Yet I’m the one who was treated badly and told I cause problems because I pulled him on it. I refused to go out with him today as I can’t bear to be around him. I’ve since been told I don’t contribute enough and he’s trying so hard to wind me up with comments and little things he’s saying that are a dig at me. I’m so screwed up today yet again because of him.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. Please have you done the freedom programme? How do I find out about it? X

[Munchkin04]

Thank you for your replies. I have begun to realise that unless the spotlight is on him he’s not happy. It’s happened before when I’ve been unwell. Who says to their loved one they drag them down when they are unwell. My partner provokes and provokes and doesn’t stop going on until I flip them yes tells me I’m mad and need help. It’s so tiring and emotional. X

[Munchkin04]

So I told him that his behaviour is unacceptable and that he wouldn’t dream of doing this to anybody else in public. I also told him that I have never had anybody abuse me or lose their temper over the way I say something or don’t explain myself properly or haven’t listened. I also said that not once have I had an apology afterwards which shows me lack of respect or importance. His reply
Go and find somebody else then.
I’m absolutely gobsmacked. I then told him that his answer says it all. That he feels he was justified and not sorry.
Who in their right mind doesn’t apologise after hitting somebody. Am I expecting too much? I am absolutely shocked at his reply. He has given me one word answers this evening after I tried to ask him about his day as he has been out all day. I’m at a loss now as to where this goes. Do I just wait for him to come to me. I can’t bring myself to go near him. God I hate this. He acts like he’s done nothing. I want to scream at him.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so so much. Everything you say I know is true. I haven’t slept. He’s got up given me a sarcastic good morning got himself all spruced up and put aftershave on and gone out. I’m left in a heap wondering why? Just why? Why don’t I get what others get? Why can’t he apologise for hurting me no matter what he feels I’ve done. I’m not perfect far from it but he’s always the first to lose his temper and it gets out of hand. I feel so lost yet again. Worthless not important. My insecurities come to the forefront. I don’t want him to see me cry look at my body my imperfections. I don’t understand. And in his head this will all be my fault for not listening. He’s told me before now that he had to take himself away from the cause of his anger. That’s me. Am I responsible for his temper? His lack of reasoning, rational thinking. His frustrations with everything around him. He loans about everything and everybody. The dog gets in his way he can’t just do what he wants without something or somebody getting in his way. Am I just a burden? I’ve told him before now to go then. Then I’m told I’m missing the point. I don’t know how to be anymore how to talk how to breathe. Im so so sad today

[Munchkin04]

Oh my god thank you. Yes that’s it. He was stressed out and getting angry last night and it continues this morning for no apparent reason except my retaliation to his unkind words last night which I apologised for this morning. I need to leave him to get on with it next time however hard that is. It’s so hard to have the mindset “it’s his problem”. This will go on for days now I know and I have to try and function normally. Thank you xx

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I get myself so worked up inside. A constant knot inside unable to say how I feel to him. It’s the worst feeling ever. He says all the time no wonder my ex husband was like he was towards me. I’ve messaged him stupidly saying I’ve had this behaviour for years. The blame, silent treatment, abuse for the others lack of restraint and communication skills. He won’t like that I just couldn’t help myself. He’s always saying he feels sorry for my ex. God it’s so so emotionally frustrating x

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much ladies. Auriel you have it in a nutshell. The latest is I’ve had to listen to him tell me (detail removed by moderator). Been told all the things I have not done which I know to my core isn’t true. He doesn’t want intimacy with me and he’s been ok since he hasn’t spoken to me and slept really well. He spoke again about my past and how my insecurities have caused him upset. I didn’t apologise I just listened crying inside. He said he’s going to get on with his life and I should do the same and think about whether I want to be around now. He said he doesn’t see an us at the moment and doesn’t know if he ever will again. I am dying inside. I hate him but I love him if that makes sense. I hate what he does how I feel listening to him. I enduringly mentioned his (detail removed by moderator) to which he said that I have caused more upset. I said I said it endearingly it’s the things I notice and love about him. Maybe I’m insensitive. I can’t say anything to him he takes it messes with it turns off into something it’s not. I talk facts he doesn’t like that he turns that around and gets defensive. There’s no logic. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh! I feel like he’s pushing me into a corner and make a decision here. X

[Munchkin04]

Thank you for replying. It means so much to be able to offload. I have so much I want to scream from the rooftops. I tried last night to break the silence. Asked (detail removed by Moderator) was the reply. Then he went to his room. He always says to me when we fall out (detail removed by Moderator). I am trying but not getting anything back. I’ve (detail removed by Moderator). No reply. It’s madness how an argument can go on like this. I’ve never had this before and it feels like I have a constant knot inside wanting to tell him how I feel. It will get me nowhere as all he sees is me as his enemy. I have told myself to get on with my life for now and I will not be apologising to him as I have nothing to apologise for. I will listen when he eventually comes round. Listen to him tell me how he sees me and what I’ve done and how he is feeling. I will keep my feelings to myself as I’ve learnt he won’t be interested. It’s just a mad circle of up and down. It comes from nowhere. I’m bobbing along so happy only to be brought down just by opening my mouth innocently. Thank you again xxx

[Munchkin04]

Thank you all so much. I have both the stonewalling and being followed from room to room looking for a reaction. What I find difficult that is that if I try and calm things it doesn’t work so I wait for him to calm and talk. The thing is I don’t want to listen. It’s the same thing. I’m to blame he’s the victim. He never sees or acknowledges how I see things. It’s one rule so I listen and find myself crying saying sorry. He tells me I’m doing this and that yet he does exactly the same to me. If I react he gets violent. It’s a total head messxx

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I tried to talk to him (detail removed by Moderator) saying I’m not aware that I’m different but I am struggling with menopause symptoms at the moment. He got very frustrated when I tried to discuss my Hrt regime and that I think it needs tweaking. He got frustrated and told me to stop talking as he didn’t understand and that I’m causing his head to be messed up. I told him I wasn’t going to go on a (detail removed by Moderator) with him (detail removed by Moderator)and that I’m going (detail removed by Moderator). While out I messaged him (detail removed by Moderator) times sending lighthearted messages and olive branches but have heard nothing. I feel like I’ve don’t something so wrong. To be blanked when I’m sending the olive branches has left me so hurt and frustrated and I don’t want to go home. When we talk about him everything is fine but I get frustration everytime it’s about me. When he gets frustrated I get muddled and say the wrong thing in his eyes then it’s my fault for not stopping talking.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I just get so insecure and he knows I am. No respect for me at all. I actually hate him tonight and want it to end. I’m so messed up with the games and him never being wrong

[Munchkin04]

He told me I was off because I did some gardening. He said he was fine but his actions say differently. God I want to scream from the rooftops. I never know how to be towards him when this happens. I’m angry and I know he’ll come to me in a few days and want to tell me how he’s feeling. He always tells me he’ll do something silly to himself if this doesn’t stop. Why should I listen when he didn’t want to listen when I tried to sort today’s little episode. It’s all so unreasonable. I feel exhausted

[Munchkin04]

He’s just pulled me to ask why I didn’t respect him when I asked to talk about it. I was going by our conversation about (detail removed by moderator). I wanted to sort it. He’s told me I’m messed up I need to leave.

[Munchkin04]

It’s always mind games. I feel like I’m going mad. Everything’s in his terms he pulls me for things he does yet if I say that he tells me I’m playing tit for tat. I know I should leave and When I’m this low I tell myself it’s for the best. Im always left feeling lost and not sure how to act while he goes about his day singing and blatantly being indifferent yet will tell me I am. I can’t win

[Munchkin04]

It’s always mind games. I feel like I’m going mad. Everything’s in his terms he pulls me for things he does yet if I say that he tells me I’m playing tit for tat. I know I should leave and When I’m this low I tell myself it’s for the best. Im always left feeling lost and not sure how to act while he goes about his day singing and blatantly being indifferent yet will tell me I am. I can’t win

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. Isn’t it weird how one day they act like nothing has happened. I’ve usually messaged by now. But I will stand my ground and act as normally as possible. They really are unwell. The damage it does is sickening. I do have strong days and don’t ever let him see me cry now. He doesn’t like that. He actually said to me once that I do t get upset like I used to. I can see what’s happening that’s why I think. Thank you xx

[Munchkin04]

Oh thank you. I’m dying inside. I find myself trying to make conversation with one word answers. I get a frustrated look. Soon he’ll tell me I seem off with him. It’s madness. I do t k ow how to be around him. I won’t message him. He knows what he’s doing. There’s no good morning no goodnight xx

[Munchkin04]

I know that but I try again and again. It’s like I just shouldn’t have any feelings. He can say and do as he pleases but take no accountability. After telling me he wants shot of me on (detail removed by Moderator) he acted like nothing had happened. No apology nothing to let me know he hasn’t meant it. He’s now playing loud music and singing. I’m so knotted up inside. He gets to me to the core. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. I hate this.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much for helping. I am so so grateful to you and your understanding of this mess. Thank you xx

[Munchkin04]

Yes I have the book and read it often. Tonight I acted normally when he got home. He acted normally too. While sitting in the garden he said he doesn’t have a problem with me vaping it’s just I do it all the time and there is always vape juice left all over the house. I had bought a disposable vape today and he said that won’t last a day and just picked and picked at me about it. I ignored it. He said he can’t say anything without me getting upset. I again ignored it. Now he’s walking around the house humming. I want to tell him how I feel. How I feel he could have had a conversation with me about this instead of the way he went about it. About how he picks looking for a reaction. I’m screaming inside. Crying inside. It’s the same pattern time after time. I’m trying so hard to stay in my lane. X

[Munchkin04]

Oh thank you so much. And yes I am sat here this morning worrying. He’s now consumed my thoughts all morning. Worrying how he’ll be later when he gets home. He hasn’t messaged as he does every morning to let me know he’s got to work safely. I would usually have sent him a message by now trying to appease telling my side. I haven’t. I’m in knots. If I had caused a problem while his daughter was here my god he would fly at me. I know what’s happening. But it will all be my fault. He told me I was acting like he’d caused a problem opening his mouth that I was slamming around acting differently which I know I wasn’t. I’m now worrying that I can’t enjoy a vape in my own home I don’t know how to act or be around him yet again. I was upset as it had all come on the back of a moan about the dog. Scrambling for things to find to cause upset. Why couldn’t he just have spoken to me about it?

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