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Unless someone has been through it I don’t think anyone really understands what it is like no matter how you explain it to people… its hard really hard

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What’s fortnight my (Detail removed by moderator) year old keeps going on about it and I don’t know where he has got it from.

I am so sorry your having so many problems it’s awful when your children are away from you.

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I had really bad advice from my first solicitor.. I was trying to escape my abuser because I was close to a breakdown and he was trying to set me up gathering evidence to try and destroy me.. She told me to stay and that a judge could demand me and the children return if we did leave… Womens aid and another solicitor told me to pack my bags and get away ASAP… I did

Glad you got the help you needed and got away it’s a scary time I don’t know where I’d be without women’s aid

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My chidren are back with me it was so hard but at least they are home now.

I am dreading him taking them abroad I worry so much and have really bad anxiety when they are with him so I know how you feel

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Hi, I am sorry I have no real advice for you other than you are not alone, reading your post I could write it word for word however I have two small children. Our problem is that we are tied to them by the children and therefore there really is never a way of getting away from them fully. Its so bad that they can use the children to hurt us too, I wonder how they get away with it. I have been without my ex for some time now and still he hurts me and still he abuses me through the solicitors, courts or email and I hate it. I am sorry you are going through this too x

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Thank you ladies, surviving I am so sorry about what your ex does to you, I would hate another woman looking after my children while he wasn’t there, I am guessing that will happen at some point though. They know how to hurt us don’t they, I hate that they are even allowed to do this.

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I would say don’t do it…. I tried and it was horrendous it made me so poorly I was having heart palpitations the week leading up to it my anxiety was so bad and even though we were in separate rooms I was under so much stress. I felt he manipulated the mediator. The police are now involved with me and told me not to go again… I don’t think you have to go

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Hi Both – yes we have children so there is contact however only via email, I do not have to face him ever which is really good I guess. The police are now involved and he is constantly threatening me with courts for one reason or another and I am constantly terrified – I just want it all to be sorted and over so I can move on. I feel I cant move on and I feel I re live ever day what happened – his voice is in my head, his words are in my head, I am confused trying to make sense of anything and then start to thing some really horrendous things, I cant sleep at night. I have not had any counselling as there are no local womens aid centers to me and my doctor said she cant refer me either. I cant afford private counselling and I also struggle with time as I am always either working or with the children and I have no one that can help out with babysitting.

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Thank you for your replies, I have applied for legal aid and been refused, my doctor even wrote a letter to confirm that I had been a victim of domestic abuse but I still cant get legal aid. I have a solicitor who is working on my behalf to try and sort things out but I think he is going to take me to court, I will need her to come with me and I just dont know how I will pay for it all. He applied for the divorce requested me to pay so I have to pay for that as well. Once the house does sell and I have my equity I will have to use it all to cover my legal costs or debts. I only work part time now and I am claiming benefits to live – it all seems so unfair.

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I am going through the same right now and I am terrified, the police are taking it seriously for coercive abuse and I believe they are contacting him very soon – but I dont think he will stop I think he will carry on and I live in fear every day of what is coming next

An injunction or a non mole is good to get but from my experience cost money and unless you can get legal aid they are expensive, I cant get one because I cant get legal aid and I dont have any money.

You can get the police to put a marker on your address so if he did turn up you can call 999 and they know exactly what it is regarding – I have one of these.

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Thank you, he refuses to use a third party to email me information – I need to get advice from my solicitor on this one I guess as I don’t even want to see his name in my inbox!

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Hi – can your two sons go with you?

I know how hard it is to leave it took me years to find the strength to leave as my children are still only little, life is still hard however it is 100 times better than it was.

Speak to women’s aid – they helped me so much

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I think time and building your confidence a day self esteem back will help. This is what I am hoping as your not alone this is exactly what I feel. My husband was exactly the same I wasn’t allowed an opinion and if I tried to voice an opinion about anything I was put in my place. I would give up even having a conversation as it feels hardly worth it.

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Thank you I know you are speaking from experience… Some days I think OK I can do this and I feel stronger but it soon disappears and I want to lock myself in a dark room or wake up and it’s all gone away

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Thank you all I might look at the online freedom programme. WA have looked at ever option locally but with work and the children I can’t get to any of it. I am scared to talk to anyone as I am being threatened so my anxiety is so high. I am scared to go to the local shops and worry that his watching my every move. I hate living like this I just want to get on with my life and I feel I can’t

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Thank you for your post as this is how I feel..I have left but still getting abusive emails I’m still so scared of him and what his capable of…he threatened to destroy me and his trying very hard…

My main issue is I can’t make sense of it, why did he change, why does he do this to me, why does he want to hurt and destroy me so much, what goes on in his head to say the twisted things he says..why do I deserved it… I have days I think its my fault I feel I have let the children down and some days I think I should have stayed and put up with it…

I don’t cry much I just feel numb and sick to the point I can’t even eat

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There isn’t really a local womens aid to me and things like the freedom programme etc is only available while I am at work.

My sister is happy to do contact for children arrangements but he refused to do that . .I’ve told him no contact but he continues to contact. I’ve told his his email are not appropriate and should be just dates for the children.

Not sure how to move on

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Hi what you describe is how my relationship started years ago I too was told I was lazy over and over for years and criticized for everything.. I lived walking on eggshells for years…it escalates and gets worse especially the more you challenge his behavior well mine did. Its hard to accept someone is emotionally and verbally abusing you but I think if you question yourself its definitely true. I have left my husband as it got so bad with the help of womens aid and the police. Can you call women’s aid? It took me ages to call but they are amazing and will help you

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Hi I am sorry for what you are going through I know how you feel as I left with children (detail removed by moderator). It was one of the hardest things ive ever done but I’m so glad I did it. I called women’s aid spoke to my doctor the police and a couple of solicitors to get advice I also went to cab. I was lucky I had a bit of savings so got a rented house although I am broke now and financially its going to be hard I’m free from him. Don’t tell him I made that mistake thinking he would be OK about it. This backfired on me so had to leave while the police were with me. Get as much advice as possible don’t tell him and you will be fine. Good luck x

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Hi – I have only just literally left my husband and taken my children so I am still only at the beginning of my recovery and I have so much to sort out still so not sure how much help I will be other than our situations sounds similar.. so sending you that hug you need and use this place to offload and get the help and advice you need.

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Thank you – after some research I believe the law is he doesn’t have to tell me where they are going, however you would think that he would. I am not sure about having a phone call though, I still think I am entitled for a call with my children. I find it very difficult that I have been there every single day/night of my children’s life and now as a result of him abusing me he can take them away anywhere and I have no idea where my children are for a whole weekend.. feeling so heartbroken..

This is why I stayed and put up with all the abuse for so long because I could not bare not being there every day for my children… and the reason why I am now sitting here thinking that I should have just stayed and put up with everything so that I got to be there for my children every day.

When I left we agreed (detail removed by Moderator) nights in the week (which change weekly at his request) and every other weekend which is early Saturday to Sunday evening – I feel this is enough as they are very young now he wants more an extra night every other weekend and I don’t know what to do.

I still wake every day thinking that its all a dream and then my reality sets in

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(detail removed by moderator).

I am feeling pretty low right now

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Thank you I will call (detail removed by moderator) in the morning see what I need to do I want to see if I get legal aid first but this could take time.

I just feel so scared of all of this he is a very cleaver man because of his job and he knows how to manipulate and control people he does it for a living!

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Hi I know how you feel I am going through it and what you write is how I am feeling. I can’t offer advice as I need so much myself all I can say is don’t underestimate them I’ve done that and I keep thinking his done his worst now it can’t get much worse but then it does. Here if you need to chat x

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Thank you problem is I have to reply to the courts within 7 days I have to sign saying representing myself or I get a solicitor to sign saying they are representing me. Could I call the court explain and ask for longer

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Thank you (detail removed by moderator)

I have had emails from him and his dad pushing me and pushing me (detail removed by moderator)

From what I have read online unless I have a small fortunate I have to go ahead with it and no one ever sees the reasons why.

I just hate that our divorce is going to be based on this after what his done to me.

I don’t know if to go get a solicitor tomorrow or wait for legal aid to come through.

On top of all this his still being a nightmare with the children I really done know how much more I can take of this

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I can’t stand much more of this I really don’t know what to do x

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Aww great news I am so pleased for you I know you have had a horrendous time so I’m glad you got your home xx

Your right about the treats these men put on us.. So awful x

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Thank you for all your replies not been back on as still not sorted out the Internet. I can’t explain how I feel I am up and down but feel free ish!

I know his going to fight hard but his seeing the children and a family member is acting as the go between. However now his bullying her and telling her how awful I am.

Financially his causing as many problems as possible and told me (detail removed by moderator).

Main thing is that my children were so happy and excited and have been amazing and they are only young.

The police man said people don’t just leave their homes like this and that there was clearly domestic abuse happening

I think I knew that if I had stayed he would have driven me to a breakdown and for my children I couldn’t let that happen.. I have done this for them

However it’s the most scariest thing I have ever done

I still have so much of my stuff there and the children toys but he won’t let me go have it all

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You are so right KIP what was I thinking being reasonable with this monster. I got more advice yesterday and I know deep down I’m doing the right thing I just feel so scared.

I am not signing anything before I go I’ve just got to be strong this week and keep out of his way

How do I tell my children I’m broken hearted for them

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